Bad Advice Only

Trucks are modern day horses. Shoot it and put it out of it's misery.

Wife will be home for dinner in an hour, and haven't a clue what to fix.

 

Burnt toast and an rotten egg.....


Food's gone cold....

 

She doesn't have a tape worm. (Ha! Caught the reference.)

One word. Blowtorch.

Too much do to, no time to do it.

 

Buy a sun dial....


Coffee creamer soured.....

 

Might try Pablum or Enfamil.

Need to reroute the exterior line for the sump pump but it won't dry out in between rains.

 

Put on some tennis shoes, put each foot in a bucket of water, have wifey make sure to not knock the breaker, and in the middle of a torrential downpour, reroute the wire. Voila...new hairdo....

Swimming pool has a leak.....

 

Bubble gum patch.

My grass is getting tall but my mower is not running.

 

Starve your goat....


Bunny has a runny nose...

 

The water pipe, not the wiring! :laugh:

Buy him some Kleenex and teach him how to use 'em.

Thumb latch on the fancy front door lockset is failing, door won't open from the outside ...

 

Unlock the window so you can get in.


Too much clutter in the backroom/home office.

 

Burn it down and start anew.

Hogs won't oink.....

 

They're obviously defective. Time to butcher 'em.

Birds chirping outside the window wake me up in the morning ...

 

Roast bird for lunch.

Slept late. "Wasted" half of the day.

 

Stay up half the night to make up for it.

Gonna get hot and muggy this week. Gonna have to start hearing carpenters and roofers complaining "Its too ** hot to work!"

 

Attach "church pew" fans to their hammers. The faster they work, the more they fan themselves.

Car keeps wearing out the rear tires, and it's a front wheel drive. Alignment didn't help.

 

Repave your streets with the worn off rubber from your old tires.

Hoarse from screaming loudly over the USA and Royals victories last night ...

 

Next time pull for the losing team.

Can't sleep

 

Take two prescription sleeping pills and half a fifth of whiskey. That should do it.

Multiple problems: Couple for whom we're building a house is mad because I can't move the bearing wall two feet, and ...

... court-ordered client who is supposed to call me every morning before he goes to work was obviously drunk today.

 

Move the wall. Move out of state before the roof falls. :tonofbricks:

Must have taken the advise you gave me: "Take two prescription sleeping pills and half a fifth of whiskey"


Stopped at a restaurant where they took 18 minutes to get my hamburger WRONG!! :BangHead:

 

Get up an hour early every day, fire up the barbecue, grill your own lunch.

Wife is having to drive three miles out of her way both going to and coming back from work because of bridge repairs ...