Bad Advice Only

Throw it all up and eat cheese.



I am cold. I need help. I am homeless. What to do?

 

Build yourself a house. If you're still cold, set the house on fire.





I handed the guy who ran out of my neighbor's basement an information packet from the local mental asylum, and he thanked me for the bucket of chicken and the $5000. He then folded the information packet into a hat and put it on his head. Should I call someone about this?

 

Get some pointers from Rip Van Winkle....it'll be a while before Dr. Bob posts on here...


I lost that note when the wind blew my hat off.

 

Go find a KFC chicken bucket, eat the chicken, then put the bucket on your head.





This guy who was wearing a paper hat is now chasing me and trying to steal my bucket of KFC.

 

Tell him to go to Radio Shack and buy a radio clock, set it for 4:06 PM and wait....


There's a guy coming at me with glazed eyes, shaking his fists at me, with stinky feet and breath. I think he's a bapticostal because he's speaking in gibberish and wanting to lay hands on me. He's also wanting to know how he can slash tires using a #2 pencil.

 

Throw a rooster at him and then try to convince him of the merits of the Democrat party. That should confuse him even further.





So I'm at Radio Shack looking for a clock radio and this guy comes up and tells me there is someone impersonating me. What should I do?

 

Pick up a clock radio and throw it at him, then break out into the charleston, and 'charleston' your way at the front door.


Help! A guy just threw a clock radio at me and then 'charlestoned' his out the front door....

 

Just tell her you have to go fishing that night. Load all your gear into your truck and take off for the lake. Then actually go fishing. It'll be better than watching the Seahawks and Patriots play.





After reading Bro. Salty's last post, I'm confused. How can I clear up my own confusion?

 

Give him the rooster and clock radio someone threw at me....


Then he can take that rooster and trade it for a kite. Then he can take the kite and $5.00 and trade it for a broken down 1979 Ford Pinto. Take the Pinto and .38 S&W and give the man the Pinto and pistol-beating for his 76ers' season tix...that's as close to a tryout he's getting...


I am sitting at the bank with no money, rooster or clock radio and some pump-knots on my head...:tear:

 

Find an ice pack. If one is not available, then "borrow" someone's purse, take it across the street to the convenience store, fill it with ice, and put it on your head.





I just watched some guy randomly grab a woman's purse and run across the street to the Quik-E-Mart. What should I do?

 

Don't approach him, I heard he's mentality unstable. Go and call 9-1-1 and tell them this loon is holding a purse filled with ice on his head after taking it from some lady. Then you and convicted1 can sneak up on him and throw a rooster and clock radio at Brother Salty....oops, sorry Brother Salty...you told me this in complete confidence and I goofed...

After throwing them at him, go you separate ways and take some charleston lessons. You stink at doing it...


Two guys just threw a rooster and clock radio at me. They cheap guys, too, seeing the clock radio came from Radio Shack and the rooster is severely infested with mites and weighs about 2 lbs...

 

Stab him with the pen.






I just threw out my back taking Charleston lessons. Any advice?

 

Stick your head in a 5 gallon bucket of ice water. It will freeze your brain, thereby stopping the pain signals to your back.

A man is trying to stab me with a pen...

 

Throw the clock radio at him then try to stab him with the rooster.




I got a 5 gallon bucket of ice water. I'm gonna stick my head blub-blurrrb-blrrubur blub? Blub blub?

 

Hold your head in the bucket until you find Nemo, then play with him for 10. Afterwards, remove your head from the bucket...

Someone's trying to stab me with a rooster...