Should the church allow the use of its facilities for a baby shower of an unwed mother?
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Baby shower for an unwed mother
- Thread starter Revmitchell
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thegospelgeek
New Member
I voted yes.
Probably not. The church should care for the young lady and minister to her in every way possible. A public shower is probably not necessary to do that and does not seem appropriate.
I voted other because in our church, not just anyone can use the facilities.
But we've certainly had baby showers in the church for unwed mothers because even though it might not be the best circumstance, a baby is a blessing and deserves atleast a few diapers, a car seat and some clothes - along with the love and guidance of a Godly community.
But we've certainly had baby showers in the church for unwed mothers because even though it might not be the best circumstance, a baby is a blessing and deserves atleast a few diapers, a car seat and some clothes - along with the love and guidance of a Godly community.
I Am Blessed 24
Active Member
If the unwed mother is a member of our church, then yes, a baby shower should be thrown for her (provided she is not still living with the father without benefit of marriage).
After all, she could have gotten an abortion.....
After all, she could have gotten an abortion.....
Robert Snow
New Member
Good answer.
I voted yes... I struggled with this issue about a year ago when a 19 year old girl who had claimed salvation and been baptized got pregnant. I thought it best to not allow the church to shun her and we had the shower on the church campus. We have continued to show love to her (and privately we are grateful that the baby was not aborted).
I am still not convinced of her spiritual condition (goes way beyond the pregnancy), but she will never be able to say that we didn't love her and support her through a difficult time. When in doubt... love.
Great question!
I am still not convinced of her spiritual condition (goes way beyond the pregnancy), but she will never be able to say that we didn't love her and support her through a difficult time. When in doubt... love.
Great question!
I don't get the question. Don't babies of single moms need clothes and diapers too?
I'm guessing there's some kind of unwritten rule in some churches that says it's our Christian duty to treat unwed moms bad in order for them to learn how wrong they were or something. Is that correct?
I'm guessing there's some kind of unwritten rule in some churches that says it's our Christian duty to treat unwed moms bad in order for them to learn how wrong they were or something. Is that correct?
North Carolina Tentmaker
New Member
That's right Gina, I mean if we don't shun, embarris, ostracize, and separate ourselves from sinners like single mothers then how else will they know how much holier than them we are?I don't get the question. Don't babies of single moms need clothes and diapers too?
I'm guessing there's some kind of unwritten rule in some churches that says it's our Christian duty to treat unwed moms bad in order for them to learn how wrong they were or something. Is that correct?
Thank God most of us realize that, "so were some of you."
Depends
I think it depends on the situation.....generally, though, I would say no.
A public shower sponsored by the church body sends the wrong message to the young girls in the congregation. This is a hard call, because of course we must love the new baby and rejoice that the mom didn't get an abortion....yet, the mom did sin. In this postmodern world we live in, we must make it absolutely clear that God does have moral absolutes.
I think it depends on the situation.....generally, though, I would say no.
A public shower sponsored by the church body sends the wrong message to the young girls in the congregation. This is a hard call, because of course we must love the new baby and rejoice that the mom didn't get an abortion....yet, the mom did sin. In this postmodern world we live in, we must make it absolutely clear that God does have moral absolutes.
BigBossman
Active Member
I voted "no". To do such a thing would say that it is okay for what she did.
I think the church ought to help her out in any way that they can to be a witness to her, but not a shower.
I remember one church I attended (I won't mention the name). On Mother's Day, they would recognize who the oldest & youngest mother is. I can understand the oldest, but why the youngest? A few of the church members brought this up & the next year, I think they did away with the recognition of the youngest mother. They also did a similar thing with Father's Day.
I think the church ought to help her out in any way that they can to be a witness to her, but not a shower.
I remember one church I attended (I won't mention the name). On Mother's Day, they would recognize who the oldest & youngest mother is. I can understand the oldest, but why the youngest? A few of the church members brought this up & the next year, I think they did away with the recognition of the youngest mother. They also did a similar thing with Father's Day.
As a church, you teach all along God's prescriptive order...marriage, then children.
IMO you do not negate that teaching by holding a shower.
What I do (and this has happened many times, unfortunately, in my 20+ years of working with kids) is discuss this issue with the parties involved (depending on who's involved at our church). The only way we can "undo what is done" is not an option. We see no problem in having a time that we celebrate the upcoming birth, and provide gifts. We're not celebrating the conception, and they are told that specifically. But we feel it can be said that, "what you did wasn't right...however, now that there's a new life on the way, your church family wants to help you make the best of it."
IMO you do not negate that teaching by holding a shower.
What I do (and this has happened many times, unfortunately, in my 20+ years of working with kids) is discuss this issue with the parties involved (depending on who's involved at our church). The only way we can "undo what is done" is not an option. We see no problem in having a time that we celebrate the upcoming birth, and provide gifts. We're not celebrating the conception, and they are told that specifically. But we feel it can be said that, "what you did wasn't right...however, now that there's a new life on the way, your church family wants to help you make the best of it."
No, that's not correct. Having a public shower that celebrates a pregnancy is not the only way to get clothes and diapers for a young mom. An unwed pregnancy is not something we celebrate. It is something we serve by helping the mother get the things she needs such as diapers and clothes, as well as discipleship.
I think it is a false dichotomy to say we can either have a shower or not give diapers and clothes. There is a better way than either.
I voted other.
I am pretty sure there was a shower for a girl that was not married with the church ladies a while back.
In the particular case, the girl was unsaved at the time, her boyfriend had no interest in being responsible so the girl had to move back in with her mom and step dad.
One condition was that she now had to go to church. She resisted at first but then got saved.
Later on I do think they had a shower for her later one.
Repentance is the key here.
I do not believe you should have a public baby shower for a girl who is in current rebellion who has no regret for her sin.
However, when someone is truly sorry, they need to be forgiven.
I am pretty sure there was a shower for a girl that was not married with the church ladies a while back.
In the particular case, the girl was unsaved at the time, her boyfriend had no interest in being responsible so the girl had to move back in with her mom and step dad.
One condition was that she now had to go to church. She resisted at first but then got saved.
Later on I do think they had a shower for her later one.
Repentance is the key here.
I do not believe you should have a public baby shower for a girl who is in current rebellion who has no regret for her sin.
However, when someone is truly sorry, they need to be forgiven.
Thinkingstuff
Active Member
What is always missing in these conversations is the guy. How should we treat the men in our churches who had children out of wed lock. For instance I went to a church where this young woman was black listed for having gotten pregnant out of wedlock. She did something unusual and confessed her sin before the whole church (publically!) Wow. Imgaine that! Yet she had to sign a contract and stayed out of any ministry for a year according to the contract. Once her year was up she wanted to sing again in the choir but was prohibited and the church wanted to write up another contract and she hadn't done anything wrong. Certain people stopped speaking with her etc... Yet in this same church we had a deacon who was living together with his fiancee. I left the church before I found out if he ever actually married his girlfriend. I think the application of church discipline in this case was very lopsided. I voted yes btw.
If a public baby shower would be perceived as condoning behavior that led to the conception of an ill-legitimate child, then the church should distance itself from a public position perceived as condoning sinful behavior.
If the woman and child can be ministered too without the percpetion of condoning the sin (churches do this kind of thing all the time by hosting AA meetings, divorce couseling, etc.) then the church should go out of the way to minister to both the spiritual needs which are obviously there, as well as any phsyical needs, they can help meet.
What has to be foremost in the eyes of the church, even greater than ministering to a single mother, is it's witness and testimony to the moral purity and perfection of Christ. The church's first devotion is to Christ. As long as a church does not have to compromise it's first love - than it should do all it can do to love and to assist to the spiritual and physical needs of a lost and dying world.
If the woman and child can be ministered too without the percpetion of condoning the sin (churches do this kind of thing all the time by hosting AA meetings, divorce couseling, etc.) then the church should go out of the way to minister to both the spiritual needs which are obviously there, as well as any phsyical needs, they can help meet.
What has to be foremost in the eyes of the church, even greater than ministering to a single mother, is it's witness and testimony to the moral purity and perfection of Christ. The church's first devotion is to Christ. As long as a church does not have to compromise it's first love - than it should do all it can do to love and to assist to the spiritual and physical needs of a lost and dying world.
The "shower" need not be held at the church site but the woman and the baby could/should have necessary provision from the Deacon Fund and/or other church members.
Neither should the woman be "shunned" assuming she is walking with the Lord.
And even if she were in the state of unrepentant sin, at very least the other members could help with the needs of mother and child (IMO). Along with the help she should be encouraged to renew her walk with the Lord.
HankD
Neither should the woman be "shunned" assuming she is walking with the Lord.
And even if she were in the state of unrepentant sin, at very least the other members could help with the needs of mother and child (IMO). Along with the help she should be encouraged to renew her walk with the Lord.
HankD
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