Johnv--I believe normally when one is in strong disagreement with their church, they change churches. But then again, here in the sparsely settled parts of the country, they might not have that choice. Often there is only one church. Not one of any given denomination, but just one. For folks in that situation, rather than not go to church I believe it is better to attend what you can without violating your conscience. Prayer meeting on Wednesdays and Sunday School on Sundays might be a better option than not going to church at all.
As to being disrespectful by arriving late and slipping in quietly, I must ask, disrespectful of whom? If for me the music causes either physical or spiritual problems it would be disrespectful of the church staff to expect me to participate or sit through it. If I respect them enough not to complain, they can respect me enough not to demand attendance.
In the same way, honestly, it isn't that uncommon in those areas for the people to have been part of that same church literally all their life--and so were their parents and grandparents. It is part of the fabric of life in that community. Sometimes they get a preacher most of the church thinks is great and a few folks detest. Rather than cause dissension, complain, gripe about the preacher, or leave altogether they just continue in Sunday School and in those activities of the church not involving the preacher preaching.
I'm beginning to see the wisdom in that. I believe in congregational government of the local church. And since we cannot make every factor of church perfect for every member, we need to trust each other a bit.
I can skip the singing without losing my salvation. For that matter, if it were to bother a pastor for a member to slip in quietly after the singing and hear his preaching, that congregant will not fall away if they skip the worship service altogether. Neither will they necessarily backslide or wind up leaving the church and living in sin.
It isn't good, in my not so humble opinion, for any pastor, song leader, musician, preacher, teacher, usher, or whatever in a church to get the attitude "we are going to do things this way and if you don't like it, just shut up and attend anyway."
Might lead to people voting with their feet when a little kindness and understanding could have preserved the unity of the church.