Can you make me laugh? Huh huh huh?

Here is an older post from my blog called Adventures in Miscommunication



In our area of ministry, we use 4 different languages. I'm only fluent in English. Two of the others, I can converse in fairly well. The fourth, well, let's just say that I'll get to it eventually.

But speaking in a foreign language can be tricky. For instance, I once tried to tell my former language teacher that I don't eat goat. Instead I said that I don't eat towels.

One day when we were first in this country, I gave my little speech. You know, the "I have X# of kids. I live in an apartment. I am from America" that sort of thing. Well, I said, "I AM X# of kids" and "I AM an apartment". No one corrected me and acted like they understood me. It took me 5 minutes to realize what I had said. I unterrupted conversation with a laugh and tried my speech again. Of course, my mistake would have to be in front of our senior missionary. EEK! But he applauded me on catching the mistake myself, so it's all good.

Fast forward to last night. We were at meeting and my Love was saying something funny. I piped up and told him how funny he was. His reply was the funniest blunder. Tapping his noggin, he was trying to say that he was very smart. Instead he pointed at his head and said he was very dead. That was side splitting funny!

But the funniest time of miscommunication was when we were speaking English---which makes it even funnier. You'll understand when you reach the end...

One day a cement step was being poured in front of our indoor bathroom. Well, our kids at that time had a habit of making Zorro "Z"s in any wet cement. We didn't want any "Z"s, so my Love lectured the kids not to do it. Then he left for his chuch meetings and asked me to keep an eye on the wet cement.

One minute when I checked it, it was fine. The next, it had a dog print and a "2" drawn in it. I went around to the kids, asking who drew the "2" in the cement. As you probably already guessed, no one did it.

I called my Love to talk to him about how to smooth it out. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Hi, Babe. Well, the kids are at it again. Somebody, though no one will confess, did a number 2 in the wet cement.

Him: (loudly) WHAT? What are these kids thinking? Why on earth would they do a thing like that?

Me: (a little shocked by his tone) Yeah, I know what you mean. They just can't behave.

Him: (a little less loudly) Seriously? Someone put a number 2 right there? How on earth are we going to fix that?

Me: (not sure why it was that upsetting) Well, I can just smooth it out, right?

Him: Smooth it out?! What?! That's disgusting!

Me: (still not understanding. DUH) Babe, it's not that big a deal. I can just smooth it out.

Him: No. We have to think of something else. I mean, what possessed one of the kids to do such a thing? Could they not make it IN to the bathroom to do their number 2?

Me: (Loud laughter. VERY loud. Took a long time to gain my composure) Babe....

Him: (laughing because it was contagious) What? What's so funny?

I finally gained my composure and explained that no one "did" a number 2 on the cement----they drew the number "2". We laughed for what seemed like an hour. We still laugh about it when we think about it.

Ah, adventures. Adventures in miscommunication.

 

Gina, check your private messages!

 

I have to admit that we West Virginians have some prejudice for Ohio drivers. They cut through our state to get wherever they're going on vacation by either passing on the right or slowing meandering their boats and campers in the fast lane while driving at least 10 miles under the speed limit. Many times while on the road, I've used less than kindly terms to describe these Buckeye drivers and have, er, communicated with them on a less than holy level. My children, being the sweet preacher's kids that they are, have chosen to magnify my imperfect actions and ignore all the many Christlike examples I HAVE demonstrated.

One day while driving on a long trip, my youngest, who was 3 or 4 at the time, kept asking "Where are we going?." Every few minutes she'd ask the same question and I'd patiently explain that we were going to Kentucky to see grandpa and grandma. Finally, after she'd asked the umteenth time, I blurted in frustration, "Where are we going? We're going CRAZY!"

That's when my darling child turned to her older sister and smugly declared, "That's in Ohio!"

 

Sorry you're sick, Gina-------we'll try to cheer you up---really

Here in Alabama----we have a thing for yard dogs----heard of two Alabama rednecks talking about their dogs

"I feed my dog Turnip Greens!!"

"Turnip Greens!!??? My dog won't eat Turnip Greens!!"

"Mine wouldn't eat um either for two weeks!!"

 

Gina, I hope you like at least one of these.


Buddha said to the hotdog vendor, "Make me one with everything."
After taking his money and giving Buddha his hot dog, Buddha asks, "What about my change?"
The hotdog vendor replied, "Change comes from within."



A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender for his bill and the bartender says, "For you, no charge."



Q. What would happen if you threw a grenade into a kitchen in France?
A. Linoleum Blownapart



Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A. A stick.



A father was telling a Bible story to his young son. He said, "Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"



Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.
Q. So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A. No.
Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q. But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.



Did you hear about the two boll weevils that grew up in South Carolina? One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other one stayed behind in the cotton fields and didn't amount to much. The second one, of course, became known as the lesser of two weevils.



If you choked a Smurf, what color would he turn?

Some people don't know how to drive. I call these people, "Everybody but me."



LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.


Laws of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Any small, extremely expensive part this is accidentally dropped, will disappear from view... forever.


Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.