Do you get tired of Homeschool Critics?

[Thinkingstuff]

It seems they are everywhere at work, church, playground, in families, and just about everywhere else. It seems just about every one who finds out you are homeschooling has to make some critical statement about how your kids are missing out. Funny, these are the same people who tell me that my kids seem so happy and intelligent. I even had a neighbor call social services on us becuase we homeschool our kid. They felt our kids weren't being educated enough. Go figure! Our kids take the national exams just like public school kids and our kids score in the top 10th percentile. The fact that my 11 year old is in Algebra and has a good grasp of Latin seems not to be enough. Because we can't provide a lab for her at home to do science I pay out of pocket to ensure she goes to a class where she can study with a lab and She's the top student. She had to be moved out of her grade level to a higher one. Funny when the social worker stopped in that they didn't even check to see if we registered with the school district and provide a portfolio every year of our kids academic acomplishments. We take them on field trips as well. Fortunately, once the school district was called social services had to close the case but I'm sick of all these people who think they know so much better.
I always mention how strange it seems my kids don't use profanity in their everyday conversation like many publicly trained kids. Or how they aren't interested in "boyfriend" "girlfriend" relationships and have a healthy view of family. Strange how they know more about reproduction than the average public school member their age who seem to know more about condoms than how babies are made. So much for sex education.
Man, I'm peeved at our neighbors and the whole system they want us to buy into. Whats wrong with family values? A Good education, and healthy morals? In our society that treasonous! Errrrrrrgh!

 

[annsni]

I get asked a lot of questions but I don't think I've ever had any sort of hostility directed at us and certainly no one calling CPS on us!!! But my only proof of the fact that homeschooling works is kids testing at the 97th percentile on the standardized tests, getting through the teen years with no angst, being able to put my 9th graders in the public school with no transition issues whatsoever other than them being shocked at the disrespect and language and that every single person who has met my kids praise them for their character. THAT didn't happen in public school!!

 

[abcgrad94]

When we first started homeschooling, I did get LOTS of hostility, mostly from my in-laws. It's amazing how people suddenly think it's their job to criticize homeschoolers in ways they would never verbalize to non-homeschoolers. Now we're in our 5th year of homeschool, and the attitudes are completely changed in our favor.

One thing I've done is smile and invite people to come spend a day with us and see what we do, and offer to let them spend a few hours "teaching" my kids about whatever they feel is their area of expertise. I tell them we'd love to learn if they have something they feel we are lacking in our curriculum. "Think we need a science lab? Great! Maybe you can help me find one we can use! I'd sure appreciate your thoughtfulness."

This usually throws people for a loop, because they expect me to get defensive, not the opposite . We have nothing to hide. I also challenge them to think about what is best for an individual child compared to what everybody else is doing--to think outside the box. I don't criticize or condemn their choices even if they do mine.

Another thing that disarms homeschool critics is to listen to them. Often when someone starts in, I'll listen a while and then say, "Wow, you sound so knowledgeable and passionate about education. I'll bet you'd make a GREAT homeschool mom. We have so much in common, wanting the very best for our kids. Our journey to homeschool started with our own concerns about their education."

It's kind of funny. Their mouths open and close but nothing comes out. You can almost smell the wheels turning in their heads in confusion. They're expecting me to get angry and hide the kids under a rock or something in fear. When that doesn't happen, they finally realize we're normal people and stop offering all the unsolicited advice.

 

[jaigner]

I always mention how strange it seems my kids don't use profanity in their everyday conversation like many publicly trained kids. Or how they aren't interested in "boyfriend" "girlfriend" relationships and have a healthy view of family. Strange how they know more about reproduction than the average public school member their age who seem to know more about condoms than how babies are made. So much for sex education.
Man, I'm peeved at our neighbors and the whole system they want us to buy into. Whats wrong with family values? A Good education, and healthy morals? In our society that treasonous!

I understand your frustration and support your right to educate your children in whichever manner you see fit.

Keep in mind that I'm speaking as a former homeschooler (grades 3-12). Growing up I knew many homeschoolers who were like the public school kids, as I also knew many public school kids who fit your description of your kids.

The difference is often parental involvement. You can get a good education no matter where you go as long as parents are involved.

Also, a well-behaved child is not necessarily reflective of a heart condition. Sometimes the most well-behaved child is also the most judgmental child. I know that far too well. That's how I was raised - and that's how I was - until I realized how I'd become a perfectionist, repressed, depressed shell of a person.

 

[JohnDeereFan]

We really haven't faced any resistance but then, where we live, there are more homeschoolers than average.

Mostly what we get is curiousity and well meaning people who don't really know what they're talking about, not hostility.

The biggest opposition we got was from my sister who, ironically, now has her own children who are being tutored by my homeschooled daughter.

As far as calling the child welfare people, our local government schools are very friendly and cooperative toward homeschooling.

 

[faithgirl46]

I am l lfor home schooling. The Critics allege that the kidswhose parents home scoolthem don't et them etan rraay of friends r word sto that effect. I say so what. They don't some of those friends

 

[ReformedBaptist]

The critics can kiss my :flower: TULIP.

 

[ReformedBaptist]

When we first started homeschooling, I did get LOTS of hostility, mostly from my in-laws. It's amazing how people suddenly think it's their job to criticize homeschoolers in ways they would never verbalize to non-homeschoolers. Now we're in our 5th year of homeschool, and the attitudes are completely changed in our favor.

One thing I've done is smile and invite people to come spend a day with us and see what we do, and offer to let them spend a few hours "teaching" my kids about whatever they feel is their area of expertise. I tell them we'd love to learn if they have something they feel we are lacking in our curriculum. "Think we need a science lab? Great! Maybe you can help me find one we can use! I'd sure appreciate your thoughtfulness."

This usually throws people for a loop, because they expect me to get defensive, not the opposite . We have nothing to hide. I also challenge them to think about what is best for an individual child compared to what everybody else is doing--to think outside the box. I don't criticize or condemn their choices even if they do mine.

Another thing that disarms homeschool critics is to listen to them. Often when someone starts in, I'll listen a while and then say, "Wow, you sound so knowledgeable and passionate about education. I'll bet you'd make a GREAT homeschool mom. We have so much in common, wanting the very best for our kids. Our journey to homeschool started with our own concerns about their education."

It's kind of funny. Their mouths open and close but nothing comes out. You can almost smell the wheels turning in their heads in confusion. They're expecting me to get angry and hide the kids under a rock or something in fear. When that doesn't happen, they finally realize we're normal people and stop offering all the unsolicited advice.

haha, love it. Shared this with my wife. As the Dad when asked why we homeschool I just say, well, I don't. My wife does.

 

[menageriekeeper]

LOL, RB. A friend of mine tells rude folk that "I've seen the village and I don't want them around my children!"

I usually ask them why they'd want to expose their children to all the vulgarity, meanness, bullying and unholiness that goes on in public school. That usually sets them back on their heels. If not, then I ask them why they don't homeschool? They usually say something like "I couldn't stand my kids all day." To which my reply is "Well, my kids are a joy to be around." and then I walk away. Nuff said.

In my church, where a good many members work for one of the local public school districts, no one askes me anymore why I homeschool. They just ask how the kids are doing and walk on.

 

[sag38]

We just learned to ignore stupidity. Some of the most ignorant people we have known offered criticism for homeschooling our son.

 

[sag38]

When our son went back to public school he was way ahead of his peers. He was in the fifth grade and read on an 11th grade level. He graded papers for the teacher. I give all the credit to my wife who did a fantastic job. Sure am glad we didn't listen to the ignorant.

 

[Jerome]

Yeah, many spelling bee winners have been homeschooled, like Rebecca Sealfon video and Evan O'Dorney video.

 

[rbell]

I usually ask them why they'd want to expose their children to all the vulgarity, meanness, bullying and unholiness that goes on in public school. That usually sets them back on their heels. If not, then I ask them why they don't homeschool? They usually say something like "I couldn't stand my kids all day." To which my reply is "Well, my kids are a joy to be around." and then I walk away. Nuff said.

I need to run my answers by you next time. I just figured out my problem. Recent phone conversation:

Me: "Why don't you homeschool?"
Them: "Oh, I couldn't stand my kids all day."
Me: "I completely understand. Neither could I."
(click)
Me: "Wait...that's not...um..."

 

[menageriekeeper]

The sad thing is Rbell, is that I know many Christian parents who really can't stand their kids all day! (the fact that I couldn't stand them all day either isn't pertinant)

We have a problem in this country of only playing lip service to the idea that children "are an heritage from the Lord". Many parents have been programmed by society or circumstance to believe that mom shouldn't "have to deal with the hellions" all day long. She should be able to pursue her "career" while someone else tends her children. So parents don't start out training their children to be a joy to be around opting instead to teach to "behave".

How many parents do you hear tell their children "if you can't get along with your siblings, then you can't get along with your friends?" Oh no, parents excuse the sibling rivalry as expected and send them on to school or their friends house. We've gotten way to far away from the idea that home is where children first learn about society and its rules.

And that click is sometimes exactly the reaction I'm looking for. Why? Because until they get to that point, they aren't thinking that there might be two sides to the story. All they are doing up to that point is repeating the public school party line. Once they shut up long enough to be offended then they'll stop and think about what I've said. I'm not impolite, just frank and straightforward. After that, we can have a real discussion about why I chose to homeschool and why that same decision may or may not be right for them. (I'm the first to say that homeschooling is NOT for everyone)

Rarely has anyone come to me a second time spouting off the same "socialization" nonsense or "I'm not qualified to teach my own kids" without being ready for a real discussion.

 

[annsni]

The sad thing is Rbell, is that I know many Christian parents who really can't stand their kids all day! (the fact that I couldn't stand them all day either isn't pertinant)

We have a problem in this country of only playing lip service to the idea that children "are an heritage from the Lord". Many parents have been programmed by society or circumstance to believe that mom shouldn't "have to deal with the hellions" all day long. She should be able to pursue her "career" while someone else tends her children. So parents don't start out training their children to be a joy to be around opting instead to teach to "behave".

How many parents do you hear tell their children "if you can't get along with your siblings, then you can't get along with your friends?" Oh no, parents excuse the sibling rivalry as expected and send them on to school or their friends house. We've gotten way to far away from the idea that home is where children first learn about society and its rules.

And that click is sometimes exactly the reaction I'm looking for. Why? Because until they get to that point, they aren't thinking that there might be two sides to the story. All they are doing up to that point is repeating the public school party line. Once they shut up long enough to be offended then they'll stop and think about what I've said. I'm not impolite, just frank and straightforward. After that, we can have a real discussion about why I chose to homeschool and why that same decision may or may not be right for them. (I'm the first to say that homeschooling is NOT for everyone)

Rarely has anyone come to me a second time spouting off the same "socialization" nonsense or "I'm not qualified to teach my own kids" without being ready for a real discussion.

Should I just follow you today with this smilie??

:thumbsup:

 

[menageriekeeper]

LOL Ann! Sadly, as soon as I eat my breakfast it is back to work for me. These may be the only topics I get to post on this morning.

 

[jaigner]

We have a problem in this country of only playing lip service to the idea that children "are an heritage from the Lord". Many parents have been programmed by society or circumstance to believe that mom shouldn't "have to deal with the hellions" all day long. She should be able to pursue her "career" while someone else tends her children. So parents don't start out training their children to be a joy to be around opting instead to teach to "behave".

Moms should be able to have a career if they are called to. Dads should be able to care for the children full time if they are called to. There should be a lot more fluidity.

Of course, I'm speaking as a former homeschooler (grades 3-12) who was raised by a homemaking mother and an engineer father. Mom pretty much decided everything except how to help me with math. But I've known a number of homeschooling families in which both parents had careers and shared educational responsibilities. Certainly that can't work for everyone, but, as you said yourself, homeschooling isn't for everyone.

Rarely has anyone come to me a second time spouting off the same "socialization" nonsense or "I'm not qualified to teach my own kids" without being ready for a real discussion.

I'm with you. Funny they use the word "socialization" when they clearly mean "socializing." Doesn't sound as important that way, I guess.

Either way, critics are slow to see the good side and proponents are slow to recognize the potential problems. I did just fine academically, but I'm still not sure homeschooling was the right choice for me. At least my parents did what they thought was the right thing.

 

[annsni]

Moms should be able to have a career if they are called to. Dads should be able to care for the children full time if they are called to. There should be a lot more fluidity.

And that would be where in Scriptures?

 

[jaigner]

And that would be where in Scriptures?

Where would it be otherwise?

I think it's pretty clear that God calls us as He wills to do any number of things. Sometimes women are called to careers. Sometimes men are not. Either way, our areas of ministry should be inclusive of our families, but also extend outside the walls of a home.

 

[jaigner]

I would add that there are many parents who idolize their children, in that all their energy is poured into their children to the exclusion of everything else. Homeschooling seems to produce the highest incidence of this phenomenon.

It causes two things:

1) If children make decisions or behave contrary to parental wishes, it causes the collapse of parents lives because their idols (their children) falter. I've seen this tear marriages and families apart. I've also seen parents who don't idolize their children bear with them in prayer and support, no matter how grieving, because their goals are balanced.

2) When children leave, it can create a huge crisis for parents, because all of a sudden, their whole reason for living has seemingly been taken from them.

Because so many mothers are basically trained to idolize their children, having no eggs in other baskets, such as outside ministries, career, etc., this happens to women often, and it's very grieving. Fathers, on the other hand, since they've been trained to believe that career is their life's work, don't have this problem nearly as often.

Roles should be fluid and both spouses should keep children in their proper place.