Do you agree?

Nonsense. Where in the Bible are we told that love kills?

 

True, Salty, but on a Christian message board like BB, surely we should expect our discussions to be bible-based. And anyway, I notice that abcgrad94 didn't say, 'Where in the bible do we find the words "Lust traps you quickly, but love kills you slowly"?' No. Rather, he asked, "Where in the Bible are we told that love kills?"

I'm wondering what sort of thoughts you were expecting, if not bible-based ones.

However, on reflection, I think that in the unique case of our Saviour, it is true that He died for love of His sheep, so we could loosely say that in His case, loved killed. But again, that is from the bible.

 

There is some truth to it. In marriage both parties have to kill some of their plans and ambitions for the sake of their mutual benefit.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound snippy, Salty.

It's just that when I hear things like this I automatically test the quote against scripture. For example, someone recently told me that "God wants us to be comfortable" and another one said that it was ok for a Christian couple to live together before marriage as long as they truly loved each other, because God is love.

Maybe I'm just analyzing too much, but I think we have to be careful not to believe even small deceptions like these. Of course, I don't know the context in which this particular quote was used.

 

The story of the cross. His love got him killed by those he loved.

I've endangered my health (and possibly sanity) for love, taking care of people, ie showing them love, when they didn't love back. When you can never do enough for them.

So in that sense, yes, I believe love can kill. Sometimes slowly through the stress and disappointment of not getting through to someone or the pain of rejection, which can and does cause medical issues.

I haven't yet heard of a suicidal person that felt loved and wanted. It's usual someone who feels their love has been rejected, ie spouse just filed for divorce, bf/gf broke up with them, no close friends, etc..

 

Is it love that killed or a lack of common sense, when one minds another beyond their own physical well-being?

Cheers,

Jim

 

Well, you tell me.

Here's a situation.
There are two children, both with mental illness. Their parents both die in a car accident. Nobody seems to want them, but then an aunt and uncle step up to the plate, even though they know it will be rough because they want to make sure those kids are taken care of.

It takes money. It takes time. It drains them. They keep doing it despite all of this. The strain is great and one ends up with heart trouble and is living at risk of a heart attack.

Would love say continue on to make sure the kids are taken care of and continue risking your health, or is it better to use "common sense" and surrender the kids to the state and foster care system, knowing they will likely be separated and that once you give them up, there is no guarantee they will be adopted, or loved, let alone the most important of all...raised in a Christian home?

This stuff happens so often. Sometimes we must abandon what seems like common sense for the sake of love and compassion. It's a major part of what makes us different from animals. Animals often reject the weaker ones or refuse to care for a newborn animal that isn't healthy because it's not logical for the herd. A lot of people do to, but Christ commanded us in a different way, a different attitude, one that sometimes doesn't seem to be the way that calls for the most common sense.

 

Should the well-meaning caregiver die or fall seriously ill what would the difference be? You are using the same equation of two children drowning and you can only save one..Choices must be made and it is not a lack of love, but common sense prevails.

Cheers,

Jim

 

They still have the other one and if not, they were protected and cared for as long as humanly possible before being sent to the wolves.

I'm in a situation right now with some problems a child in my home is going through. It landed me in the hospital last year over my heart. I am currently in a very bad flare that was worsened by stress, which the doctor told me to avoid as my CRP levels are in the forties and climbing. Common sense would say to walk away from my family for the sake of my health. Love and Christian principles tell me to stay and whatever happens happens. I can't see that purposeful abandonment for my own benefit would be better for them than staying. One of my friends has the same health issue as I do and just had a heart attack two weeks ago. She hasn't left either.

So yes, love may very literally be killing both of us. Slowly.

The lust/love concept would come into play with a husband and wife. There's the "till death do we part" concept. Many an elderly spouse has shortened their life span and lived with declining health in order to care for a spouse who is going through cancer, has Alzheimer's, or major mobility issues. Again, common sense would say to leave them.

But a commitment is a commitment. We commit to our spouses. We commit to our kids, whether they're biological or adopted/foster/step.

Love just isn't logical. It very often means putting others ahead of ourselves, whether it's the "common sense" thing to do or not.

I can't force that idea on others. Who knows, maybe the next time I'm in the hospital my fear and self-preservation will take over and I'll go with common sense, but I know it is something I'd hate myself for and it would be selfish of me to do so. The thought that I'd put common sense over love scares me though. I don't believe it's a good way to approach things from a Christian viewpoint. Common sense is good and all, but can also very easily be used as an excuse. It certainly feels tempting at times to say "hey, the doctor said this stress is too much for my body, I'll be taking a few years holiday now!"

The idea of two children drowning and you can only save one...it's very rare. But spouses putting themselves at major risk by caring for their partner or parents putting themselves at risk caring for special case kids and such? There's a ton of that so I don't feel as if I'm bringing up situations/examples that are rare. They're actually quite common, wouldn't you say? Definitely something that adds a different dimension to the question rather than just taking it as a blanket statement. The question asked was really pretty complex imo.

 

In the first case, you illustrated by two strange children, not immediate children.

Perhaps the family should be made aware of your helth issues and take more responsibility.or are you troubling about things that never happen. I don't really know.

I have health issues, but do not allow my wife to burden herself for me. I still make sure she goes off for two weeks without me. I engage outside help if I need it. Then I don't have financial problems and she knows I don't overextend myself physically in areas I know I can't handle. Let common sense prevail.

As a pastor, I couldn't take every troubled person into my home. I could only counsel and console them. The discussion here was "does love lead into evil?"

Cheers,

Jim

 

In the first response, my attempt was to make it impersonal and not bring in personal experience/knowledge, but your response made me think perhaps disassociation in this discussion isn't a good thing.

I don't wish to go into the details of what's going on with my friend or with myself, only to bring about the point that real life situations such as these do occur.

I didn't recognize the question as asking if love brings about evil. I took it literal, as if it asks if love can kill. And in the literal sense, my answer is yes. The answer I gave was met with the idea that common sense should over-ride love in those situations, and I'm disagreeing with that on a personal level. I certainly won't judge those that disagree with me.

My situation is real. The situation with the child I speak of is very real and requires intense amounts of time and therapy. They are provided, but the strain of it all has seriously exacerbated health issues I already have. We're doing what we can to make it less stressful, but support is very minimal. Most people don't believe children can honestly have mental illness...they take to wanting to cast out demons or convince themselves it's a discipline issue and thus become useless as far as being supportive. In fact, people with that attitude only make the situation worse even when they're trying to help.

What is one to do? I love my husband. I'm not ready to leave him alone with all this or abandon any child. We're all in this together so long as I'm breathing.

And maybe I'm wrong in that. I know it's certainly not common sense. However, I can't help but feel that love means standing firm, because I made a commitment to this and breaking a commitment is wrong on many levels. I could just as well step away until my health improves enough to try again for a while, but it's also likely that I could get in a car accident the day after I step away.

Where do love and common sense meet? When does one take over the other, and at whose expense should that be decided?

 

My first thought was that it sounds like a line from bad lyrics common in the '80s, especially sad self-pitying songs.

 

It must be true. Just ask Othello. Of course, every relationship of love doens't necessarily have an Iago.