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Church is destroying my family

Discussion in 'Other Discussions' started by Gina B, Nov 18, 2011.

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  1. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

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    Seriously.

    I can understand now why people give up on it.

    With two kids with mental health issues, we've been through the wringer trying to explain why we do what we do, what they have, help them understand what it is to cut down on the gossip and such that is so prevalent among humans.

    But...now some idiot (and I'm pretty sure I know which one and it's pure revenge) decided to call children's services. The horrible allegation from the caller who was too chicken to say who they were?

    "They said you interact with your older kids different from the younger two."

    Oooookkkaaaayyyyy. So the kicker is that my older kids aren't with me at church. They're with the teens. You can't even see them. And it's a church service. I don't interact with anyone. I sing, I walk down as the pastor gets up, I sit on the last seat in my row beside my husband and the two younger ones are on the other side of him. Actually, I haven't even been IN the sanctuary for the service the last two weeks, I went straight out when the pastor got up. Even when I'm there, it's preaching. Not interaction. I'm sitting there quietly unless I have a comment about something the pastor said and I whisper it to my husband.

    Now I've got kids who don't want to go anymore and don't understand how Christians could do something so cruel. The gossip there is just out of this world and has been bothering the one very much for a while now. It's the reason I try to stay in the background and serve in areas where I don't have to interact with ANYONE.

    So I guess the bad guys are winning. I hope they're happy because one day they'll stand before God and be judged for this. I'm guessing they think it's funny to cause this type of trouble and to shake children's faith. Yep, ha ha. Very funny.

    How do we get rid of this type of idiocy in our churches? The gossip, the cruelty, the people who attend simply to cause problems? Nobody in their right mind wants to be around that.

    I certainly don't.

    What's the answer to this one?
     
    #1 Gina B, Nov 18, 2011
  2. TCassidy

    TCassidy Late-Administator Emeritus
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    Matthew 18. Go talk to them. If they do not repent take a couple deacons or the pastor and a deacon with you and talk to them again. If they don't repent bring it up at the next church business meeting.

    Expose them for the hypocrites they are! Shame them before all. And hope that public shame brings them to repentance. :)
     
    #2 TCassidy, Nov 18, 2011
  3. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

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    We did let the pastor know the basic situation and we're going to be talking to him soon.
    I want to do the right thing, but I also want to do the wrong thing. I don't understand why churches are the toughest places to be for people who have kids with mental illness. They all think either the parents must be doing wrong and if not, it's some kind of punishment on the kid for the sins of the father or they're possessed or some other strange jazz. I work quite often in the classroom with kids like this and they are so much more accepted by other kids and teachers and the parents in a government institution than at a church.
    That is so sad.
    I don't have high hopes that anything will change just because I say it should, but at least I'll be doing what's right by God by putting forth that effort.
    If they don't listen, would it be wrong to pray the building burns down?
     
    #3 Gina B, Nov 18, 2011
  4. Amy.G

    Amy.G New Member

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    What does your husband say? Has he talked to the pastor man to man?
     
    #4 Amy.G, Nov 18, 2011
  5. mandym

    mandym New Member

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    These types of things are a regular occurrence for pastors. Some pastors deal with them and some try to ignore them. I refuse to let petty disuntiy go unchecked. If he is worth his salt he will not let this behavior stand.
     
    #5 mandym, Nov 18, 2011
  6. plain_n_simple

    plain_n_simple Active Member

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    The storm hits the righteous and the unrighteous. You are being squeezed by the devil. Make sure Christ comes out. Give them grace and love and forgiveness. Saying that they will be judged someday is actually a form of future revenge in the mind to ease the pain of the nasty thing they have done.. Get rid of that thought. Love thinks the best. Overcome with love.
     
    #6 plain_n_simple, Nov 18, 2011
  7. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

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    We've both talked to him in the past. He knows the issue and the situation. He's actually very nice and he knows us well and that this is a load of garbage.

    We talked before because the two younger kids are diagnosed with mental health issues. One has many more symptoms than the other. We also have a restraining order out on someone for the protection of the two youngest. We had been dealing with a lot of ignorance, rumors and gossip and it needed to stop.

    Two representatives of a group that advocates for children with mental illness and their families attended the meeting with us. At that time we addressed some of the issues going on within the church. We had the Sunday School teachers in with us so we could explain what they have, what their behaviors are, what to watch for, and what our safety plan is with the protection order, which includes them always being accompanied by us or one of the older kids when they are not in a specific area being supervised by a trusted adult.

    It seemed to quiet things down for a while, but now it's back and not only that, now this! Pretty crazy and disappointing.

    Can't believe the nerve of people to straight out lie. At least they weren't good at it, half the people didn't even know who my older kids were until recently when I pointed them out while their teen group went around trying to find member sponsors for a mission trip. People didn't realize we were related since they'd never seen us together.
     
    #7 Gina B, Nov 18, 2011
  8. plain_n_simple

    plain_n_simple Active Member

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    I would never use the law, but that is your option. You have a unique opportunity here and now. God is letting you go through some fire. Your response is the pivot. Bless your enemies. It's time to apply all that scripture girl and I hope the best for you and your family.
     
    #8 plain_n_simple, Nov 18, 2011
  9. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire Well-Known Member
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    Im sorry Gina for all the cruelty your finding but your not going to get rid of it....its human nature & that of course is sinful, hypocritical & generally mean spirited. That it happens in a place dedicated to the worship of the Lord is shameful however.
     
    #9 Earth Wind and Fire, Nov 19, 2011
  10. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Gina - That's terrible! Honestly, if the pastor doesn't hit this face on hard, it's not going to end. That is sad. :( I'll be praying for strength and wisdom in this matter!
     
    #10 annsni, Nov 19, 2011
  11. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    "Church is destroying my family"

    "Church" is not destroying your family. I don't mean to be contrary here, but let's not blame this on the church. Some individuals are causing you grief, not the church.
     
    #11 matt wade, Nov 19, 2011
  12. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire Well-Known Member
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    Yea.... Church People....thus the church. :smilewinkgrin:
     
    #12 Earth Wind and Fire, Nov 19, 2011
  13. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    If someone at a Little League game is mean to someone, people don't blame it on Little League. The moment something bad happens in church though, they blame the whole church.
     
    #13 matt wade, Nov 19, 2011
  14. th1bill

    th1bill Well-Known Member
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    Iĺl be short because youǘe gone off subject.

    The Church is defined as the Bride of Christ. Now read Matt. 22:1-14, please. Being on a role at some location does not make one the Bride of Christ. Just as you have seen, if you read the Matthew passage, there are two groups of Saved People, the Bride and the Guests.

    A survey in the 80s, by the Barna Group, showed that less than 2% of the folks on the role are saved. The unsaved but members of an assembly are not ¨The Church¨ even though their names are on the membership role.

    Trying not to be rude but hoping that will help.
     
    #14 th1bill, Nov 19, 2011
  15. Ruiz

    Ruiz New Member

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    Gina,

    Our heart goes out to you; this is a shame.

    I would talk to your Pastor about this situation but also your husband. If your husband agrees, you may want to discuss with your Pastor that you feel that without evidence people reported something that was not even illegal. Instead of approaching you first hand or talking to the Pastor, they chose to report to local officials.

    The time may come where, to protect your family, you must move on. While it is an individual or two, there is much more going on than your parenting. Unless there is flagrant illegal actions (major abuse and neglect) done by you or your family, the issue should be settled within the church. They threatened your family with officials who could break up your family. Your basic family unit was threatened.

    I can only believe this is appropriate if there were serious abuse or neglect issues, not merely because you treat your kids differently or they disagree with your parenting skills. Thus, I would discuss with the Pastor your concerns and perhaps explain that to protect your family, you may have to move on to another church. There are obviously people who would rather your family become broken up than to talk to you about their concerns.

    Your first priority is to protect your family.
     
    #15 Ruiz, Nov 19, 2011
  16. plain_n_simple

    plain_n_simple Active Member

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    I would never run to another church. You have Jesus in you! If God is for you, who can stand against you? Never run from the fight. This is spiritual warfare and when you overcome, you will be glad you were tried by this fire. You cannot grow from faith to faith by running to another church. That is fear.
     
    #16 plain_n_simple, Nov 19, 2011
  17. Ruiz

    Ruiz New Member

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    My job as a parent if first and foremost the protection of our family. Whenever this is attacked, as it was here, you need to protect the family.

    I usually do not advise people to leave a church. However, if the health and well being of my family was threatened, where people were threatening to destroy it by forcing the removal of my children, then I would consider leaving. My job as a father is the protection of my family, frontal attacks on my family is something I will not toy with.

    Granted, I do want to reconcile this issue. However, my children's well-being will be considered over and against the church. I am not advocating leaving without going through reconciliation like Peacemakers, I am advocating that this is a possible option.
     
    #17 Ruiz, Nov 19, 2011
  18. plain_n_simple

    plain_n_simple Active Member

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    Okay, I understand you.
     
    #18 plain_n_simple, Nov 19, 2011
  19. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    Gina, I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family.
     
    #19 abcgrad94, Nov 19, 2011
  20. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Oh, Gina, this makes me mad for you. :BangHead:

    Sometimes church IS the hardest place to be, but please don't leave. Church, contrary to what some believe, can be a painful place.

    You definitely need to nip this in the bud because of the authorities that were erroneously involved. Perhaps you, your husband, and this person could meet with the pastor and all the cards could come out on the table.
     
    #20 Scarlett O., Nov 19, 2011
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