I need advice

There's a lot to address; and although there is wisdom in the council of many, I'm by no means an authoritative figure. . .but here are my opinions/thoughts:

Should you "expect" your pastor to make a statement? No; but you should ask him to do so. He should then prayerfully examine the matter and perhaps consult with others to determine if it's something that actually requires an announcement, or perhaps a sermon.

You addressed the individual, or attempted to, about the abuse. Since they wouldn't hear you, then yes, you should take someone with you. Seems to me it would be best if you took someone who was familiar with the situation, as well as a deacon. If the person won't meet with you, that information needs to be given to the pastor, along with the explanation that he may need to "force" a meeting.

As for suspecting who did it: ask 'em. They'll either tell you, and then you can educate them about your family dynamic; or they'll lie about it, in which case you'll have to let the matter go until you have evidence.

My heart goes out to you, and I'll say a prayer for the situation.

 

I am not quite as "touchy feely" as a lot of folks are. My wife and I resigned our membership in a church after nine years as it became the House of Gossip. With their tongues hinged in the middle and flapping on both ends..., we left. It's now the Gossip Capital of Haws Run North Carolina. It's a Hen House!

Gossip is as an addiction to porno is.

These people don't care. They will keep on until their "subject" is destroyed. They over-load their hind-parts with mouth and once they begin to realize the cat is out of the bag they become embarrassed. Then, somehow, their embarrassment becomes your fault.

If no one in Church Leadership is willing to take a stand then take to the podium yourself and expose it all. Your children depend on you looking out for them. Be strong. Tell it like it is, expose it and let it fall where it falls. Strong people do not need to fall victim to ruthless individuals.

Being a Christian should not be a burden.

 

Gina...

I hope you dont mind if I give it to you "full streghth". :thumbs:

If I were in your place I would conclude that your *church* is in fact a hornets nest filled with treacherous vipor snakes.

I would flee that place like the plague.



Shake the dust off and find a real church, where true "agapa" love is in abundance and the people really care about thier brothers and sisters.

A church fellowship should be an Oasis if Love, not a den of iniquity.

There are love filled churches all over the place. I have been blessed to have experienced 3 of those blessed churches.

Put it in Gods hands amd let him lead you.

God bless.

 

Okay, I'll give my two cents. I hear you saying that the alleged victim is uncomfortable because a person is in his presence, who defended the alleged abuser (so probably doesn’t believe his story?) and therefore he doesn’t want to be there anymore?

In that case I’d tell him that he knows the truth and so does God so it doesn’t matter what this other person believes; that person is not his judge. Simple as that, let it go.

If I really thought this person was calling CPS and making false accusations I would ask him/her point blank if they did and demand a yes or no answer. If they will not answer…you have your answer.

Further, if there is nothing to hide there is nothing to find so if this person is out for vengeance he/she will find none and there is nothing to be uncomfortable about….except that if this person is meddling and has a goal to cause trouble because of spite in which case I would cut all contact. A family should stick together and be unified against an outsider who would be up to such things. It takes two to make a fight and no one in your family has to give this person the time of day and shouldn’t if they are up to such things. If I wanted to stay at that church I would simply completely ignore that person while there rather than give them the power to change a thing in my life. I wouldn’t even involve the church…that’s how rumors get started.

 

Gina you ask advice, but all this is very vague. What is their mental illness? Are they disruptive? It seems like you are the main one dealing with this problem, why? Where is your husband in all this?
I understand reluctance to give details but you did ask advice and that takes details. Based on just what you posted I would say leave the church and teach your children at home if their mental illness is the main problem in all this, but your husband is the one who should be making the decision in this as he is the head not you.

 

The issue here, as I see it, is not the mental or physical condition of the victim. Think victim. Victim, like in the one having been harmed.

The issue appears to be the cold blooded, heartless individual lacking a moral compass and otherwise obsessed with causing harm to another and/or a group of church members that won't take a position against such nonsense?

If the perpetrator is as described it's time to throw the bum out.

 

you know Gina, if you chose the right then "Church Disipline" should address this for you, right? That in & of itself would answer your question IMHO.

 

Gina...

....I know you fairly well from your posts on the BB, and I would have to agree with HAMel. His advice is superb, especially the fact that being a Christian should not be a burden. The path to heaven has enough struggles. We certainly don't need additional trials coming from the (spiritual peanut gallery) place we count on to teach us and where we go to glean fellowship.

Gossip is the acid of the soul. So is the judgment from our peers, even when it may be well intended and from the heart. Lat your prayers and His Spirit serve to move upon you and lead you through this.

You have my prayers and thoughts! raying:

 

Unless your children are in danger at this church, and unless the gossip is of such a nature as to permanently affect your standing in the church or in a court of law, if you decide to stay, my advice is to bear this patiently and quietly.

If the individual whose joining is suspect has alterior motives, they will be manifest soon enough, and she'll leave soon enough. Church discipline was not instituted to be administered for every offense or sin, only the very grievous and serious ones.

 

Gina,
Based on what you have said I leave you with scripture. Eph 4:26, 1 Cor. 13:4-8. In other words forget about it. Move on and forget about getting any satisfaction other then love as there is nothing to gain in this of any value. Totally burry the hatchet, ignore and forgive the wrong you feel you have suffered or leave that church!

 

I'm actually feeling something similar about the church I'm currently attending. Several things that have come up over the last year. None of which are worth separating, but none of which I support for various reasons.

While definitely not the same as yours, it's still weighing on me and my family. So while I can't say I know how you feel, I can certainly empathize.

 

Matthew 10:14

"And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when you depart from there, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment, than for that city."

Chances are you will not accomplish anything by discussing this with your Pastor. In the end he will say, "Lets go to the Lord in prayer about it", when what needs to be done is take it directly to the congregation and expose it for all to see. If they are then callous about it then shake off the dust and move on.

The cry from almost all churches now-a-days is usually, "Why are we not growing....?" "Why are people not getting saved....?" "Why can't we attract the youth...?" "Oh why is this and oh why is that...?" For the answer they need to look no farther than the closest mirror.

This lovey-dovey approach against gossipers and back-biters and purveyors of all things destructive from within needs to be dealt with and dealt with quickly. Letting it slide and just praying about it merely prolongs the inevitable.

It should not be a burden to be a Christian.

...my wife and I have been there and done that. In effect, the gossipers bring first blood and the wound hardly ever heals.

 

Amen! God cannot bless the church if it is full of unrepentence.

 

Amen! God cannot bless the church if it is full of unrepentence.

...or a pastor who won't take the bull by the horns and take care of business!

 

Gina,

I cannot say that I understand your situation. Maybe I'll sit down and read it again. And I do not have an answer. But I know God does.

I'm going to pray for you, your family, and your church.