Deacon is a Cheating, What Would You Do?

[righteousdude2]

What if you discovered that the head deacon was not only cheating on his wife, but the other person was a same gender relationship?

What would you, as the pastor or member of the church, do? And why?

 

[go2church]

Adultery is sin, must be addressed first privately the make a compassionate public statement. Sinners sin, restoration is possible.

 

[Oldtimer]

As a layman, the first thing I'd do is to try to determine if it's true or just evil gossip, without adding fuel to the rumor mill. (I saw a dedicated Sunday school teacher's church life almost destroyed because of this type of gossip (lie) being spread at her place of employment. An affair with her male co-worker.)

Next, I'd talk with our pastor. Telling him, that as best I can tell, it is either gossip or there's truth to the rumors. If it's lies, that should be addressed. If it's truth, that should be addressed, as well. Neither one should be allowed to continue which equals being "condoned" by the church leadership.

An old cliche comes to mind -- Nip it in the bud.

 

[Bob Alkire]

As a layman, the first thing I'd do is to try to determine if it's true or just evil gossip, without adding fuel to the rumor mill. (I saw a dedicated Sunday school teacher's church life almost destroyed because of this type of gossip (lie) being spread at her place of employment. An affair with her male co-worker.)

Next, I'd talk with our pastor. Telling him, that as best I can tell, it is either gossip or there's truth to the rumors. If it's lies, that should be addressed. If it's truth, that should be addressed, as well. Neither one should be allowed to continue which equals being "condoned" by the church leadership.

An old cliche comes to mind -- Nip it in the bud.

I have to agree with you. Restoration if possible should always be the goal, no matter the sin. We shouldn't start off by kicking him under the bus..

 

[Salty]

My first thought -
and as Oldtimer stated - ensure it is true and not just gossip.
Second, as a pastor -I would encourage him to resign (for personal reasons).
If he does - then start on the road to restoration

If he does not - bring him to the leaders of the church - again requesting his resignation.....

 

[mont974x4]

Accountability is not just for laymen. Just because someone is a deacon, or an elder, does not mean they receive special treatment.

If we follow the steps in Matthew 18 we will determine the facts, which will verify if its true or not. Repentance and restoration is always the goal.

Gossip may still be an issue and that would be looked at too.

 

[Magnetic Poles]

The best way to handle it? M.Y.O.B.

 

[mont974x4]

So, the best way to handle it, IYO MP, is to ignore Scripture altogether.

 

[saturneptune]

So, the best way to handle it, IYO MP, is to ignore Scripture altogether.

Since it seems you want to be technically correct, the pastor would not handle it. Church discipline is exercised by a vote of the congregation.

 

[Gregory Perry Sr.]

No Teeth!

What if you discovered that the head deacon was not only cheating on his wife, but the other person was a same gender relationship?

What would you, as the pastor or member of the church, do? And why?

I'm not going to speak "to" the situation, but rather, to the language used to describe it. This kind of behavior is NOT "cheating". That word has no "teeth" and is a word that the world uses to kind of "sanitize" the kind of wicked behavior that the Bible clearly teaches will characterize those who will miss the Kingdom of God and be cast into Hell. God uses words like sodomite, fornication/fornicator, and adultery/adulterer/adultress to describe these wicked sins. "Cheat" is something you might do on your taxes or a test at school or something like that. But these are sins against God and your own body and the bodies of the other person/people involved. The entire concept of what SIN IS is being erased from this generation's consciousness. We, as God's people, need to call it what it is and shout it LOUD so that people will bear a sense of responsibility for their actions. That is the VERY REASON why the law was given by God to begin with....It is how we know WE NEED God. IF this "deacon" did what he is accused of....then he has commited a vile and wicked SIN for which he desperately needs to REPENT of. Call it what it is and follow the correct Biblical order for dealing with it in the church.

Bro.Greg

 

[Bronconagurski]

If it is definitely true, then confrontation privately is necessary. If he won't repent and refuses any rehab, then remove him from office. If this doesn't get his attention and he still refuses to repent, treat him as an unbeliever and revoke his church membership until he repents. Restoration is the goal, but some people do not think they need it. Paul dealt with sexual sin in the church at Corinth, and he definitely did not sweep it under the rug. One last thing, if he eventually repents, receive him back in as a brother.

Paul dealt with sexual immorality in the church at Corinth. Never has there been a time when real men need to stand up and do what is called for in church discipline, lovingly, yes, but severly as well as per what Paul said:

1 Corinthians 5:1-5 (HCSB)
1 It is widely reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and the kind of sexual immorality that is not even ⌊tolerated⌋ among the Gentiles—a man is living with his father’s wife.
2 And you are inflated with pride, instead of filled with grief so that he who has committed this act might be removed from your ⌊congregation⌋.
3 For though I am absent in body but present in spirit, I have already decided about the one who has done this thing as though I were present.
4 When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus with my spirit and with the power of our Lord Jesus,
5 turn that one over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the Day of the Lord.

 

[Gregory Perry Sr.]

Not Trying To Start Anything...but..

Since it seems you want to be technically correct, the pastor would not handle it. Church discipline is exercised by a vote of the congregation.

SN...I usually enjoy your posts and I promise I'm not trying to start anything.....but WHERE...anywhere in the Bible (preferably the KJV) is ANYTHING supposed to be handled by a "vote"? In this case....if the majority of the congregation "liked" this guy then a "vote" would definitely be the wrong way to handle things. The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ is NOT a democracy (mob rule). This is a problem that permeates the New Testament Baptist churches of our day and is probably worthy of discussion in another thread. Keep trying brother...I think your heart is in the right place.:saint:

Bro.Greg:wavey:

 

[annsni]

The best way to handle it? M.Y.O.B.

1 Corinthians 5.

 

[annsni]

Adultery is sin, must be addressed first privately the make a compassionate public statement. Sinners sin, restoration is possible.

Pretty much this is the only choice.

 

[saturneptune]

SN...I usually enjoy your posts and I promise I'm not trying to start anything.....but WHERE...anywhere in the Bible (preferably the KJV) is ANYTHING supposed to be handled by a "vote"? In this case....if the majority of the congregation "liked" this guy then a "vote" would definitely be the wrong way to handle things. The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ is NOT a democracy (mob rule). This is a problem that permeates the New Testament Baptist churches of our day and is probably worthy of discussion in another thread. Keep trying brother...I think your heart is in the right place.:saint:

Bro.Greg:wavey:

Well, I see two problems with your idea. First, each church is autonomous and can decide how to handle such matters. Second, how do you propose to handle the situation lacking a "majority vote?" The model in Matthew is quite clear, one person, take a person with you, then the church acts. Absent a vote, how do you propose to carry out step three?

 

[Scarlett O.]

As a layman, the first thing I'd do is to try to determine if it's true or just evil gossip, without adding fuel to the rumor mill. (I saw a dedicated Sunday school teacher's church life almost destroyed because of this type of gossip (lie) being spread at her place of employment. An affair with her male co-worker.)

Next, I'd talk with our pastor. Telling him, that as best I can tell, it is either gossip or there's truth to the rumors. If it's lies, that should be addressed. If it's truth, that should be addressed, as well. Neither one should be allowed to continue which equals being "condoned" by the church leadership.

An old cliche comes to mind -- Nip it in the bud.

That's really good, OT. Wicked gossip can ruin people's lives and if it's not true, those lies need to be addressed in the same manner.

The Bible says that we all sin. While it also says that we cannot judge one another and hold them accountable for their actions unless we allow others to hold US accountable for our behaviors, it also says that our judgments should not be self-righteous. It does not say to "mind your own business" and allow others to destroy themselves and others in sin. In fact it says the opposite.

I'm paraphrasing the following:

• Galatians 6:1 - If someone is trapped in sin, then those who are in such a spiritual state to do so, should gently bring him/her to restoration.
• Ephesians 4 says among other things, that we are to be kind and forgiving and speak the truth in love. One cannot forgive others unless the wrong-doer is held accountable for what he/she has done.
• Matthew 18 is self-explanatory. But I will say that one has to pursue this principle in terms of what it is for - repentance and restoration. It's not a punitive principle so much as a restoring one.
• John 7:24 tells us to judge one another, but gives specific instruction to do so not by our own standards or eyes, but wisely and with God's
• James 5:20 says that whenever we retrieve a soul from his/her sin that we cover a multitude of bad things.
• 2 Timothy 2 says to "rebuke", but with "complete patience".

To ignore a situation like the one in the OP - well, to me it's show a lack of love for the person(s) in bondage.

We have allowed the bastardized and false-context version of "judge not lest ye be judged" to infest our own familes, churches, and communities. And now we are too frightened to rescue the perishing for fear of offending them and too soft and weak to care for the dying because we have no spiritual muscle.

Jesus is still merciful and Jesus still saves.

And we are still called to be salt and light to a dying world. And that includes holding each other and ourselves to the standard Christ asked us to rise to.

 

[annsni]

Well, I see two problems with your idea. First, each church is autonomous and can decide how to handle such matters. Second, how do you propose to handle the situation lacking a "majority vote?" The model in Matthew is quite clear, one person, take a person with you, then the church acts. Absent a vote, how do you propose to carry out step three?

You go to the church and if the person still doesn't repent, they leave. No voting spoken of at all.

 

[OldRegular]

I'm not going to speak "to" the situation, but rather, to the language used to describe it. This kind of behavior is NOT "cheating". That word has no "teeth" and is a word that the world uses to kind of "sanitize" the kind of wicked behavior that the Bible clearly teaches will characterize those who will miss the Kingdom of God and be cast into Hell. God uses words like sodomite, fornication/fornicator, and adultery/adulterer/adultress to describe these wicked sins. "Cheat" is something you might do on your taxes or a test at school or something like that. But these are sins against God and your own body and the bodies of the other person/people involved. The entire concept of what SIN IS is being erased from this generation's consciousness. We, as God's people, need to call it what it is and shout it LOUD so that people will bear a sense of responsibility for their actions. That is the VERY REASON why the law was given by God to begin with....It is how we know WE NEED God. IF this "deacon" did what he is accused of....then he has commited a vile and wicked SIN for which he desperately needs to REPENT of. Call it what it is and follow the correct Biblical order for dealing with it in the church.

Bro.Greg

Thanks for putting the proper perspective on the information provided in the OP! As mont974x4 has pointed out Matthew gives the proper procedure for handling the situation.

 

[OldRegular]

SN...I usually enjoy your posts and I promise I'm not trying to start anything.....but WHERE...anywhere in the Bible (preferably the KJV) is ANYTHING supposed to be handled by a "vote"? In this case....if the majority of the congregation "liked" this guy then a "vote" would definitely be the wrong way to handle things. The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ is NOT a democracy (mob rule). This is a problem that permeates the New Testament Baptist churches of our day and is probably worthy of discussion in another thread. Keep trying brother...I think your heart is in the right place.:saint:

Bro.Greg:wavey:

I have been told of churches that split because the congregation failed to deal with those tho engage in this type behavior. If that is the result then that is the best path. Scripture tells us: And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. [Revelation 18:4]

I realize the above is taken out of context but I don't believe anyone can argue it is not appropriate.

 

[OldRegular]

You go to the church and if the person still doesn't repent, they leave. No voting spoken of at all.

I disagree. I believe that the voice of the congregation can only be expressed by vote. Jesus Christ tells us:

Matthew 18:15=17
15. Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Now the congregation may well give the sinner a pass as did the congregation in 1 Corinthians 5. Then it is up to each member of the congregation what they will do.