How to deal with pastors wife whom is a major Gossip?

[evangelist6589]

My parents have been in a Reformed Baptist Church for a long time. The preaching and theology they agree with very much, however I have noticed the church has shrank very much over the years. A big major reason is because the pastors wife is a major gossip and without any elders, deacons or anyone else in charge but the pastor & his wife have no accountability and the pastor is not holding his wife accountable. They'd hate going to a Arminian church, or a moderate Calvinist Church like Calvary Chapel (which they did once and left) etc.. There are no other Reformed Baptist churches within a reasonable sunday drive, so they are stuck it may appear. I will also add that the church is Independent so its either the pastors way or the highway. What can be done if anything? They did however find a good church a little farther away and the preacher loves John MacArthur, has accountability, and its a good church. They are not pure Reformed but just Calvinistic. They may have to fess up and go there. Ones character qualities shows up in their lifestyles, even if they are not 100% accurate in their secondary issues.

 

[Rippon]

My parents have been in a Reformed Baptist Church
A big major reason is because the pastors wife is a major gossip They'd hate going to a Arminian church, or a moderate Calvinist Church like Calvary Chapel (which they did once and left)...

I would say you are the major gossip in this situation -- you have made a number of posts about your area including the OP. People could probably pinpoint what church you are referencing. That's not a good thing.

I can hear it now :"But I was just..."

No, you are wrong to hang dirty laundry out here like this.

I am making the request that a mod shut this thread down.

 

[evangelist6589]

I would say you are the major gossip in this situation -- you have made a number of posts about your area including the OP. People could probably pinpoint what church you are referencing. That's not a good thing.

I can hear it now :"But I was just..."

No, you are wrong to hang dirty laundry out here like this.

I am making the request that a mod shut this thread down.

I gave no location nor name of my parents church, nor do you know what state they live in. I am not in this situation my parents are. How do you deal with it?
This is not about me but about helping them.

 

[Rippon]

I gave no location nor name of my parents church, nor do you know what state they live in. I am not in this situation my parents are.

You are not currently where they are. But we know the area in which they live. I'll not say more.

 

[evangelist6589]

You are not currently where they are. But we know the area in which they live. I'll not say more.

If I have revealed too much information then I apologize. If I wanted to gossip I would have used Facebook but non tech types do not know these kinds of sites exist or how they operate. If I have offended you then I apologize. Perhaps the only thing they can do is move or try and reconcile.

 

[Tom Bryant]

Have your parents gone to the pastor's wife and spoken to her? Have they talked to the pastor?

 

[abcgrad94]

Matthew 18 gives you the instructions for dealing with this.

Sounds like a lot of conjecture on your part, saying the church is dwindling because the pastor's wife is a gossip. I'm sure there are lots of other factors that play into the situation. Many times people get offended and change church, all the while complaining of the pastor and/or his wife behind his back, while never bothering to follow Matthew 18.

 

[Iconoclast]

Matthew 18 gives you the instructions for dealing with this.

Sounds like a lot of conjecture on your part, saying the church is dwindling because the pastor's wife is a gossip. I'm sure there are lots of other factors that play into the situation. Many times people get offended and change church, all the while complaining of the pastor and/or his wife behind his back, while never bothering to follow Matthew 18.

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?sid=2409147135

You should listen to the whole series,6 messages but there are helpful biblical directives here for how to confront this person or anyone else who does this....

It part we are not to welcome any second hand info, and we are to question the person asking why we need to know of this info.Is the info true? did you hear it first hand? why do I need to know this? have you prayed for this person?


Proverbs 26:20
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

Proverbs 18:8
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Proverbs 20:19
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips

 

[InTheLight]

No, you are wrong to hang dirty laundry out here like this.

It's being done practically every other day. Enough.

 

[Salty]

... A big major reason is because the pastors wife is a major gossip and without any elders, deacons or anyone else in charge but the pastor & his wife have no accountability and the pastor is not holding his wife accountable. ...

Actually you are incorrect - the pastor is accountable to the church - he is NOT a dicator.

As ABC said - Use Matt 18
1. go to the Pastor first
2. go to an elder, (even if there are no elected Elders or deacons) I am sure there are 2 or 3 mature Christians in your church you can speak to.
3. Bring it before the church

and most important pray.
Could be others in the church feel the same way.

Keep us posted

 

[Gina B]

I doubt it's possible to ever find a place that's 100% in agreement. It would be pretty awesome if that happened!
I do take a commitment to a church body very seriously, so leaving is a major issue. Once you join, you've basically made a promise and it's about as serious as a divorce to leave that body without a really good cause, in my mind, because you joined and committed to being with them, helping them, being part of that family. Of course you don't divorce when you move, but you know what I mean...the point is that joining or leaving a congregation is really serious stuff.

However, if staying is damaging to the congregation, or cannot be handled by the member, then it just has to happen. But - being uncomfortable isn't a reason to run either. Sooner or later in membership, there are really uncomfortable things we have to do and issues we have to confront, people we have to face, and disagreements we have to try to work out. Leaving without trying to do that is never an option. Leaving after all that? Definitely.

Then, certainly, joining another place is going to be taken very seriously and with a lot of prayer asking for guidance. What seems like a minor disagreement may become major later. A lot of people don't think of their kids when they look at theology. IE the kids are little and they think "I'm older and can handle this disagreement," but they don't think about their kids getting older and being taught the bad theology when they get older and what a problem that will be, and it ends up being an issue, or they end up becoming a teacher and expected to teach it or at least not disagree with it.

I personally had that happen once in a church where they knew my stand on the Cal/Arm issue when I attended and they wanted me to join, and they wanted me to teach, but they asked me to not discuss that part of theology since it didn't agree with their stand on it. At the time, I did feel led to join that church and it was the one in the area that held closest to correct doctrine. So I didn't like that part of things, but it was what it was. It was still a decent Baptist church, and I swear, they were Calvinists and just didn't know it. They swore up and down it was a terrible teaching but in the same breath, I once heard the pastor give the most beautiful argument for it. :laugh:

Anyhow, I hope there's something in there that helps even a tiny bit, even if it comes from a crazy old GIRL. :flower:

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Actually you are incorrect - the pastor is accountable to the church - he is NOT a dicator.

This ...

The church needs to assert its leadership over the pastor. As Salty said, he is not a dictator, and if he and/or his wife need to be reigned in, do it.

 

[evangelist6589]

Have your parents gone to the pastor's wife and spoken to her? Have they talked to the pastor?

Thank you for your input Tom. I spoke with them yesterday and they are planning this approach. I offered to get involved but they said they will take care of it. All I can do is collect advice and give it to them.

 

[evangelist6589]

Matthew 18 gives you the instructions for dealing with this.

Sounds like a lot of conjecture on your part, saying the church is dwindling because the pastor's wife is a gossip. I'm sure there are lots of other factors that play into the situation. Many times people get offended and change church, all the while complaining of the pastor and/or his wife behind his back, while never bothering to follow Matthew 18.

Yes my statements are based upon what I have been told which may not be the entire story. You have spoken well and I should remind my parents of Matt 18. They are presently planning on speaking with the pastor. I was gonna FB message all this, but I think it would be better to call or email. Lots of FB spies out there.

 

[Tom Bryant]

Thank you for your input Tom. I spoke with them yesterday and they are planning this approach. I offered to get involved but they said they will take care of it. All I can do is collect advice and give it to them.

Well, you can't beat being biblical. :thumbsup:

 

[evangelist6589]

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?sid=2409147135

You should listen to the whole series,6 messages but there are helpful biblical directives here for how to confront this person or anyone else who does this....

It part we are not to welcome any second hand info, and we are to question the person asking why we need to know of this info.Is the info true? did you hear it first hand? why do I need to know this? have you prayed for this person?


Proverbs 26:20
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

Proverbs 18:8
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Proverbs 20:19
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips

Thank you for your post and response.

I may have not been told the entire story just only a part of it. My parents have claimed they plan on having a chat with the pastor with another member soon. All I can do is rely good advice to them.

 

[evangelist6589]

Actually you are incorrect - the pastor is accountable to the church - he is NOT a dicator.

As ABC said - Use Matt 18
1. go to the Pastor first
2. go to an elder, (even if there are no elected Elders or deacons) I am sure there are 2 or 3 mature Christians in your church you can speak to.
3. Bring it before the church

and most important pray.
Could be others in the church feel the same way.

Keep us posted

Indeed so indeed so as plenty have left. They plan to meet with the pastor very soon and they need to do this.

 

[evangelist6589]

]I doubt it's possible to ever find a place that's 100% in agreement. It would be pretty awesome if that happened! [/B]
I do take a commitment to a church body very seriously, so leaving is a major issue. Once you join, you've basically made a promise and it's about as serious as a divorce to leave that body without a really good cause, in my mind, because you joined and committed to being with them, helping them, being part of that family. Of course you don't divorce when you move, but you know what I mean...the point is that joining or leaving a congregation is really serious stuff.

However, if staying is damaging to the congregation, or cannot be handled by the member, then it just has to happen. But - being uncomfortable isn't a reason to run either. Sooner or later in membership, there are really uncomfortable things we have to do and issues we have to confront, people we have to face, and disagreements we have to try to work out. Leaving without trying to do that is never an option. Leaving after all that? Definitely.

Then, certainly, joining another place is going to be taken very seriously and with a lot of prayer asking for guidance. What seems like a minor disagreement may become major later. A lot of people don't think of their kids when they look at theology. IE the kids are little and they think "I'm older and can handle this disagreement," but they don't think about their kids getting older and being taught the bad theology when they get older and what a problem that will be, and it ends up being an issue, or they end up becoming a teacher and expected to teach it or at least not disagree with it.

I personally had that happen once in a church where they knew my stand on the Cal/Arm issue when I attended and they wanted me to join, and they wanted me to teach, but they asked me to not discuss that part of theology since it didn't agree with their stand on it. At the time, I did feel led to join that church and it was the one in the area that held closest to correct doctrine. So I didn't like that part of things, but it was what it was. It was still a decent Baptist church, and I swear, they were Calvinists and just didn't know it. They swore up and down it was a terrible teaching but in the same breath, I once heard the pastor give the most beautiful argument for it. :laugh:

Anyhow, I hope there's something in there that helps even a tiny bit, even if it comes from a crazy old GIRL. :flower:

Thank you for your advice Gina.

Theology is CRUCIAL and VITAL. Many of the Seeker places have good people and are easy to get along with, however they theology is shallow and weak. In my earlier says I wanted places where we agreed 100% but this have never happened and never will until Heaven. I can see why a church would want to talk about the CAL/ARMIN debate because it causes DIVISION. Just take a look at this board and all the division here to see what I mean. Once I was in a church that only wanted people to preach/teach from the KJV and I did not agree, but chose to obey it while serving there. But fortunately my student days would end and I got to leave that horrible place. I mean that pastor would bash the ESV & NIV publicly but what he often said was a lie and not backed up by any evidence.

Also another time I was serving at a church while a student and one of the leaders said that one of the modern translations was NOT THE WORD OF GOD. That comment upset me and I challenged him for that as it was plain heresy to make such a statement. But my mistake was not realizing that you cant reason with such types and the best approach would have been just to pick up my shoes and walk out the door to my car and on to another church! I made the mistake in not doing this then.

I do not think my parents are in a church or dealing with a pastor as dogmatic, unloving, and mean spirited as those KJVO types I deal with at one time. I think they can work this out with the pastor.

 

[saturneptune]

I'll not say more.

Praise the Lord.

 

[saturneptune]

My parents have been in a Reformed Baptist Church for a long time. The preaching and theology they agree with very much, however I have noticed the church has shrank very much over the years. A big major reason is because the pastors wife is a major gossip and without any elders, deacons or anyone else in charge but the pastor & his wife have no accountability and the pastor is not holding his wife accountable. They'd hate going to a Arminian church, or a moderate Calvinist Church like Calvary Chapel (which they did once and left) etc.. There are no other Reformed Baptist churches within a reasonable sunday drive, so they are stuck it may appear. I will also add that the church is Independent so its either the pastors way or the highway. What can be done if anything? They did however find a good church a little farther away and the preacher loves John MacArthur, has accountability, and its a good church. They are not pure Reformed but just Calvinistic. They may have to fess up and go there. Ones character qualities shows up in their lifestyles, even if they are not 100% accurate in their secondary issues.

I would handle it like any other church member that is a gossip according to Matthew. I would go to her and tell her to knock it off. It that does not work, take a group of two or three. If that fails, bring it before the church and disfellowship her.