Featured How do you deal with people you are trying to help who wont repent.

She's not going to repent because she's busy doing what she wants to do and there always seems to be somewhere there to take care of her.

Sounds like it's tough love time. Tell your mom that she doesn't need to allow her to live in her house if she's going to be drinking. It's caused enough problems with her and will cause more and your mom doesn't need to be in the middle of her mess.

Your mom may be able to help her when she's sober and not on anything. But when she's drinking and high, your mom needs to stop her at the door. i don't care if it's 2 degrees outside. Do not let her in. Throw a blanket out to her. But she DOES NOT get to stay in the house while she's inebriated or high on something else.

When people get like this, you can only help them because they want to be helped. She's not trying to be helped so RETAKE control of the situation.

Love her. But your mom needs to make it VERY clear about what her condition needs to be before coming into her house.

 

How does God deal with you when you won't repent?

With me, more often than not, God is patient and longsuffering.

Sometimes he knocks me aside my head to awaken me.

He's always there.

Rob

 

She's suffering from addiction, and as such is not going to take responsibility until she gets some treatment. I'd suggest Teen Challenge. It isn't just for teens. It is a solidly Christian-based recovery program that promotes the gospel concurrently with sobriety. Understand, she isn't going to get help until she wants it. No one can convince her to seek recovery. She has to want it. But she might be at the point she is willing to listen.

I see this said a lot on the board, and it's a cop-out. She could very easily be a Christian living in carnality because she hasn't surrendered everything to Christ. A man who counseled me as a new Christian told me most people coming to Jesus have a lot of baggage. Some of it can be carried in a suitcase. Some of the rest of us need several suitcases -- or a pickup truck.

Me, I arrived with a freight train. It required a very long time to unpack that train and give all that stuff to Him. Some of it, I didn't want to let go of. I thought there were things I could hold back, hold onto, hold up. I was wrong. Sometimes that freight train backs up into the depot and the conductor says, "You forgot this." And I have to take it to Jesus and ask forgiveness for not giving Him everything -- yet again.

It sounds like this young woman is an awfully lot like that.

Keep doing that. It's the right path. Perhaps someone -- you, your mom, anyone at church she may relate to -- can suggest Teen Challenge or some other Christian treatment program, and she might consider it. It also might take a while longer for her to get there.

That's what addicts do. It's the nature of the sin. You have to establish boundaries, in no uncertain terms. If she's going to stay at your mom's house, even though she's an adult, she needs a curfew, uncrossable boundaries and some basic household rules to abide by. If she won't, then she doesn't need to be there. That will tell you how serious she is about admitting she needs help.

She isn't trusting God, but that doesn't mean she doesn't believe in Him. It means she hasn't realized -- or simply refuses -- to give up her lifestyle and her sin because she enjoys them too much.

Sit her down. Ask her:

• "Do you enjoy depending on others for shelter?"
• "Do you enjoy getting drunk or high, knowing the feeling is going to end and you're going to have to do it all again?"
• "Do you enjoy not being a mother to your kids?"
• "Do you enjoy being in jail every few months?"
• "Do you want to put an end to all this 'enjoyment' you're engaging in?"

The first couple times you try to have this conversation, she will probably get up and walk away. If she does, let her, as long as she keeps abiding by those boundaries and rules you laid down. Keep trying to have the conversation. She's going to listen to those questions eventually. She'll actually give you four "no's" and a "yes" sometime in the near future. That's when you've reached her, and that's when the love of Christ can be shown unconditionally.

You will have a new sister in Him shortly afterwards. That doesn't mean she won't relapse, do stupid things, go off the deep end a time or two more. But she'll have a more solid foundation on which to stand, and she'll have more brothers and sisters on whom to lean so she doesn't do any of it again.

God bless, JK. I'll be praying for you and her -- as well as your mother. She might learn something in this process too. :thumbsup:

 

She is suffering from sin....and needs to repent.Show her the contrast from 1. cor. 6:9_11.... between the behavior of a saved person from a lost one.Do not enable her in her sin as if just asking a few questions will win the day.

 

I don't think she is a Christian.....not really anyway. There is no evidence of regeneration.

I would ask her, if she thinks she is a Christian, then why is she slapping Jesus in the face? Who else has suffered & died for her so that she could have eternal life (but she probably wouldn't understand that). That should cause her to agonize, to feel shame, to be sorry.

What I am asking you Jordan, where is there any evidence of the presence of God in her life?

There are always indicators of a life changed by His presence. I personally dont think there can be any fighting this visitation but you would probably disagree however she has not displayed she's there!

 

No offense, EW&F, but how can you judge that from a short post on a message board?

We've all done that at least once, and more often than that if we're honest with ourselves. No one walks perfectly, and every sin is a cause for Jesus to grieve for us.

She won't, if she's not a Christian. And if she's not, someone needs to help her get to the point that she knows she needs someone to die for her. Otherwise, it's just gobbledy-gook to her.

It will if she's a believer. If not, it will probably just tick her off.

From his narrative, there are none. But that narrative isn't the young woman.

That would seem to indicate there is no sin in the life of a believer, certainly that there is no major sin. I don't know how we can justify holding to that view, given the realities of the Christian walk.

Remember, Jesus renewed our heart the moment we believed on His finished work at the cross, but Paul tells us we have to renew our minds ourselves.

 

I said "Think," I didn't say "I know for sure." Im not there in person so its just a concern at this stage.

 

If the god whom a person claims saves them don't change them, they need to seek a new God. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have passed away; behold all things are new. 11 Cor 5:17

 

We may get some help from I Timothy 2:25

This suggests to me that the desire (and ability) to repent is given by God. To me, thjis goes along with illumination and conviction, also gifts of God.

So, we can pray to that end: that God will open their eyes to their need, bring them under conviction of their sin and sinfulness, and grant them repentance and faith (also a gift).

When someone resists all our human efforts to point them to Christ, plead with God to do His work.

 

There comes a time ....

.... to shake the dust from the sandals and move on! There are a lot of people who are lost and in need of hearing the message. There are times that a prophet hath no honor in his own country! Jesus said this in John 4:44.

MATTHEW 10:14 - If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.

LUKE 9:5 - And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate."

Here is a link to an excellent article in Charisma Magazine - How to know when it's time to move on: http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/th...hen-it-s-time-to-shake-the-dust-off-your-feet

I understand your feelings and the deep amount of emotional involvement you have in this relationship, BUT there is a time when it is best to cut your ties and move on!

Sometimes, in our attempt to get someone to come to Jesus, we "Bruise the fruit!" And that bruise cold hurt that person for the rest of their life when it comes to being receptive to salvation!

It just may not be the season ... and if you pray and wait, God may open another door ... Shalom!

 

I was going to add this, BUT...

,,, Ann did such a great job of sharing tough love, I will just say, this may be the proper course of prayerful action!

 

Yes I agree....take it to God and plead....it is His call.:thumbsup:

 

I quit helping them.

 

WISE.....because in reality you are NOT helping them, rather you are being used by them. Look up the word "Enabler" ..... it's used allot in Drug & Alcohol Recovery Programs like AA.

one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior

 

she may be Christ's, then again she may not be.
but if she behaves that way in my house where she's staying and me trying to help, well, "door's right over there, here's some money, don't come back unless you really mean to help me help you, bye."
you can't help a drowning person who will potentially pull you down into the water with him/her, except with a solid punch to the jaw that'll knock the fight out so you both can get to shore.