Where in verses 14-16 does he every say "this is how" to be born again? He says no such thing. Indeed, he says the very opposite in verses 17-21 and concludes that anyone who does COME (believe in) the light is merely evidence of a prior work "wrought in God" = new birth.
I believe that is your assumption. In the previous verses (1-13), Jesus left no instruction manual for Nicodemus. He is not told "how to be born again," simply that he must be born again. In fact, that statement is emphasized three different times. Finally, in verse 14, he goes to an OT example where he clearly demonstrates what Nicodemus must do.
You are confusing regenerative life with life by justification. Regenerative life has to do with changing your SPIRITUAL condition from "dead in sins" to being spiritually "quickened" (made alive spiritually). Life by justification is the reversal of your LEGAL POSITION from the PENALTY of EVERLASTING DEATH to the reverse of that judgement or declaration of ETERNAL LIFE.
Salvation is very simple. Do you think Nicodemus would have had a grasp of all of these theological terms? Not a chance!
Secondly, salvation is an event, not a process. You are describing it as a process. I believe that is serious biblical error. The things you describe above, apart from hearing the gospel, all take place at the same time, which makes most of which you say moot. Salvation is event and regeneration, justification, sanctification, etc. all take place the moment one puts their faith in Christ. You are simply describing the ordo salutis which any Bible Encyclopedia will tell you is different depending on your theological position. You lean toward a Calvinistic position and therefore put regeneration first. I don't. Yet salvation is still an event and not a process.
Think about it. The lost unregenerate SPIRITUAL STATE is not the consequence but the cause for Judicial condemnation to eternal death is it not. You would never say that you are condemned in order to become spiritually dead because you were born spiritually dead as your spiritual condition and then the manifestation of sin brings you under the legal condemnation and penalty of death by the Law.
Likewise, the justification by faith for the change from legal condemnation with the legal penalty of eternal death is due to the spiritual change from the condition of spiritual death to spiritual life. Legal life is the manifestation of spiritual life, as spiritual life is the cause and legal life the consequence but simultaneous action in regard to time.
There is no argument that we are justified by faith (Rom.5:1)
We are saved by faith (John 3:16), which is at the end of a discussion about regeneration. Faith is the key to our salvation. Justification and regeneration take place simultaneously.
Jesus clearly taught a PRESENT SPIRITUAL kingdom within a present professing kingdom throughout the parables on the kingdom. In the Sermon on the Mount the first beattidues have to do with what you "ARE" not what you do. The concluding beattitudes are consequences of what you "ARE" rather than doing such things to become what you ARE NOT! Think about it. Matthew 12-13 clearly teach a present spiritual kingdom or rule of God within man where the tree must first be made good BEFORE the fruit can be good. The "strong man" or "evil spirit" must first be bound and cast out before good can be done. The heart must first be made good before it can do good. One must first have a "good" heart (only one soil was "good") or else they cannot be the "good seed". If you think the new birth or in the INTERNAL RULE of God did not exist at this time then why tell Nicodemus that he must be born again and what is born again is not PHYSICAL but SPIRTUAL????
That doesn't mean Nicodemus understood it.
CONTEXT:
Joh 3:2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
Joh 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again,
he cannot see the kingdom of God.
--The only kingdom that Nicodemus would have been thinking about was that physical kingdom described by the prophets of the OT, the same kingdom inquired of by Christ's disciples in Acts 1:
Act 1:6 When they therefore were come together, they asked of him, saying, Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel?
Wrong! Here is the right way of saying it "so it is with every true child of God. The gospel comes first EXTERNALLY. The internal CREATIVE WORK of God produces a believing heart second, which is manifested by a confession of faith.
It is not wrong. The gospel always comes first, and in fact, must come first.
It is necessary for one to be born again through the Word of God.
1Pe 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.
--Without the gospel there is no new birth. That is made clear by Peter.
1Pe 1:25 But the word of the Lord endureth for ever.
And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.
Rom 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
--Where does faith come from? It comes from the Word God. These things are stated clearly in God's Word. They cannot be refuted.
1Co 15:1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
1Co 15:2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
--Note: The gospel was first declared unto them, and they received it.
It was that gospel by which they were saved.
Then Paul goes on in verses 3 and 4 and tells us very plainly to tell us what that gospel is. It is the gospel by which we are saved (which includes regeneration).
This internal creative work of God you speak of may refer to the ministry of the Holy Spirit in convicting a sinner of sin, but that is all. The ministry of the Holy Spirit is described here:
Joh 16:8-11
(8) And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:
(9) Of sin, because they believe not on me;
(10) Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more;
(11) Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged.
--That is the present ministry of the Holy Spirit.
We come as sinners to Christ. The Holy Spirit convicts of sin, but does not regenerate until by faith we put our trust in Christ.
Wrong again! For example, think through what I am about to explain to you. To "repent" literally means a "change of mind."
That is what I already said to you.
The intellect is in unbelief and thus the change is to belief. The affections are in love with sin and hate the light, therefore, repentance is a change of affections from love of sin to love of light. The will is in resistance and thus repentance is a change of will from resistance to submission. YOU do not affect that change, as this is a completely internal change by the power of God. Repentance is merely the simulataneous experience as there is no middle ground between unbelief and belief, or resistance and submission or love of darkness and love of light. This is the act of God whereby one is "CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS" and YOU cannot create anything and yet you cannot be "IN CHRIST" without faith can you? Can you? Hence, faith is part and parcel consequence of that CREATIVE work of God.
I don't disagree with that. That is what salvation is all about.
Repentance and faith go together. The result is both regeneration and salvation which all happen at the same time. No need to slice and dice everything all up. It is an event not a process.
Would you ever tell an unsaved person this is what is going to happen to you first; be ready for it: regeneration is going to hit you first, then bang justification is going follow right after, then beware of that sanctification, it follows fast on its heels. Really?
It is an event.
Nicodemus wasn't a saved person. When he believed (vss.14 ff. then regeneration, etc.) happened. But the truth is, the Bible gives no indication of when he became a believer or was regenerated.