I'll give my story of how I came to defeat my own Problem of Evil and then I'll get to some questions.
I had wrestled with the notion that God was the final monster After All for years as a self-avowed Christian with no faith.
The crux of the matter was a question I couldn't let go: Can I forgive God for what he has done to me and others, especially children, who can die in sometimes torturous ways? Of course, I was dead wrong in my frame of mind. God shouldn't ask for anyone's forgiveness when He takes away or authors woe. He is doing the right thing, always. He loves all of His creations, especially His children who Believe in Him. He wants to bless all of us.
The ending of the Book of Job convinced me of the biblical answer at all times though, that God is above me entirely and need not be counseled on how to run the universe. To think otherwise invites an explosion from my Creator on how small and foolish I am in the darkest hour I can imagine for myself.
Despite knowing the answer already, from the bible even, I just couldn't accept it. Instead I thought a lot about whether God really loves me or even whether He really existed, all in the vanity and futility of my mind. After years of wrestling with the subject, which spurred several mental journeys through nightmarish emotional pain, one question haunted my mind: How can I believe in my God when there are children dying everyday in the world. This singular problem: that of children dying or going through torturous pain, or dare I admit back then: both, haunted me often for several years. In my perplexed emotional shock I kept asking myself one question that seemed like gibberish in my more reasoned moments: Will I believe in and defend the Jesus of the children with everything I have?
By this I mean, will I defend the Jesus of myself when I was a child and the Jesus of the other children who sang "Father Abraham," "Yay, Jesus Loves Me" and many other very innocent children's songs. I remembered the first picture of God I drew and how I thought He was a kind man in the clouds. I was lost in a romanticized vision of what it means to be a child and could not seem to get over the innocence I imagined it gave. When my mind slid into the territory of thinking about children dying of Leukemia, of those who make a wish through the Make a Wish Foundation, of those who go to a Ronald McDonald house, of abused children, of children tortured to death by criminals, and, beyond my ability to cope, was the thought of those children dying without the comforts we have in undeveloped parts of the world.
What really pushed me over the edge was that I took an Christian apologetics class on "The Problem of Evil." There I read from works on the Holocaust and also a chapter called "Rebellion" in the Brothers Karamazov. My ammunition against these attacks from unbelievers were logical arguments with no emotional pull to them. Without my clever arguments I became convinced in my own mind that the injustices and pains of this world made no sense. That to me, even eternity in heaven and hell could not explain to me why such horrible things are allowed to happen in this world. In the end, I wanted to put God on trial for all the things that have happened to humanity since we have existed.
Finally a year ago, I became a Christian with faith down to my heart. Shortly after this, I accepted on blind faith that what I knew to be true from the bible about the Problem of Evil and living while suffering was true. Almost all of my doubts went away instantly. I was done with my emotional hell in a bottle at last and joyful beyond belief. I finally started to enact powerful scriptures like (James 1:2-4) and (Hebrews 12:4-13). I saw them as pure, wonderful sayings from heaven, and I decided to apply them and continue on with life each day at a time.
My story concluded, I have some major issues looking back: Do we in the church make the Problem of Evil stronger and worse in any way? I bet we do without even noticing it! Is the Jesus we offer our children the Jesus of the bible? Do we sabotage our children with a feel good Jesus that takes all the pain we are to suffer out of the equation? Is Christian apologetics meaningful against the problem of pain when the Books of Job, James, and Hebrews, among many others, make clear that we beat this one with faith? For that matter the armor of God quenches the devil's fiery darts, of which the problem of pain is likely many, with faith. Why do I come such a long way so suddenly when I come to heartfelt faith, but so many others drop out of the faith due to these emotionally painful questions?
I had wrestled with the notion that God was the final monster After All for years as a self-avowed Christian with no faith.
The crux of the matter was a question I couldn't let go: Can I forgive God for what he has done to me and others, especially children, who can die in sometimes torturous ways? Of course, I was dead wrong in my frame of mind. God shouldn't ask for anyone's forgiveness when He takes away or authors woe. He is doing the right thing, always. He loves all of His creations, especially His children who Believe in Him. He wants to bless all of us.
The ending of the Book of Job convinced me of the biblical answer at all times though, that God is above me entirely and need not be counseled on how to run the universe. To think otherwise invites an explosion from my Creator on how small and foolish I am in the darkest hour I can imagine for myself.
Despite knowing the answer already, from the bible even, I just couldn't accept it. Instead I thought a lot about whether God really loves me or even whether He really existed, all in the vanity and futility of my mind. After years of wrestling with the subject, which spurred several mental journeys through nightmarish emotional pain, one question haunted my mind: How can I believe in my God when there are children dying everyday in the world. This singular problem: that of children dying or going through torturous pain, or dare I admit back then: both, haunted me often for several years. In my perplexed emotional shock I kept asking myself one question that seemed like gibberish in my more reasoned moments: Will I believe in and defend the Jesus of the children with everything I have?
By this I mean, will I defend the Jesus of myself when I was a child and the Jesus of the other children who sang "Father Abraham," "Yay, Jesus Loves Me" and many other very innocent children's songs. I remembered the first picture of God I drew and how I thought He was a kind man in the clouds. I was lost in a romanticized vision of what it means to be a child and could not seem to get over the innocence I imagined it gave. When my mind slid into the territory of thinking about children dying of Leukemia, of those who make a wish through the Make a Wish Foundation, of those who go to a Ronald McDonald house, of abused children, of children tortured to death by criminals, and, beyond my ability to cope, was the thought of those children dying without the comforts we have in undeveloped parts of the world.
What really pushed me over the edge was that I took an Christian apologetics class on "The Problem of Evil." There I read from works on the Holocaust and also a chapter called "Rebellion" in the Brothers Karamazov. My ammunition against these attacks from unbelievers were logical arguments with no emotional pull to them. Without my clever arguments I became convinced in my own mind that the injustices and pains of this world made no sense. That to me, even eternity in heaven and hell could not explain to me why such horrible things are allowed to happen in this world. In the end, I wanted to put God on trial for all the things that have happened to humanity since we have existed.
Finally a year ago, I became a Christian with faith down to my heart. Shortly after this, I accepted on blind faith that what I knew to be true from the bible about the Problem of Evil and living while suffering was true. Almost all of my doubts went away instantly. I was done with my emotional hell in a bottle at last and joyful beyond belief. I finally started to enact powerful scriptures like (James 1:2-4) and (Hebrews 12:4-13). I saw them as pure, wonderful sayings from heaven, and I decided to apply them and continue on with life each day at a time.
My story concluded, I have some major issues looking back: Do we in the church make the Problem of Evil stronger and worse in any way? I bet we do without even noticing it! Is the Jesus we offer our children the Jesus of the bible? Do we sabotage our children with a feel good Jesus that takes all the pain we are to suffer out of the equation? Is Christian apologetics meaningful against the problem of pain when the Books of Job, James, and Hebrews, among many others, make clear that we beat this one with faith? For that matter the armor of God quenches the devil's fiery darts, of which the problem of pain is likely many, with faith. Why do I come such a long way so suddenly when I come to heartfelt faith, but so many others drop out of the faith due to these emotionally painful questions?
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