Thank you for accepting my request for membership

LOL

But not funny, was when I have met some men that truly can only eat what their women folk give them. When money got tight, they truly went hungry. It was sad, but also interesting to watch. People fascinate me.

 

Thank you! All the tips and leads have been more helpful. These are different times and it is taking me a bit of effort and research to adapt.

My eyes have been failing for awhile, and more time online is straining them and making them fail faster. I really need to make more use of radio and audio. I have always learned and interacted best with visual sources, but ... these are different times.

 

I need to go back over this thread again, too! There are links that I need explore again on a deeper level! Thank you everyone!

It is such a privilege to be here. Thank you everyone that makes this place possible.

I have had to invest in a few things, even though it meant putting it on a charge card. I had to look at it like filling a prescription. It is medicine: physical and mental.

A monitor in portrait mode to view pdfs is an absolute must for me.

When I was in college, they labeled me "print disabled" and that gave me access to some free resources that I still have access to. I think I am about to lose some of them, but I am not sure.

Crossing state lines turned me into an "internally displaced person", and just WOW, that is not a good thing, even in the USA. Now that I have a lease, the lease is good enough to qualify for SOME things but not others. With all the government closures here, I still do not have an official state ID and social security refuses update my home address. I still cannot qualify for resident tuition fees, so cannot enroll even in online classes, so am losing all sorts of student access to online resources.

God has this all in control. Day by day, I deal with each day, and thank him and trust him. I don't know what else to do.

evenifigoalone, if you start a thread on a topic that you would like to discuss, and ask people to keep it within the boundaries that you specify that feel safe to you, I bet everyone would honor that. I would love to get to know you better.

 

I'm so sorry!

Until we experience things for ourselves, or walk beside a loved one that is experiencing a trial, we can harm people with our judgements and with our "help".

What I have learned during the worst betrayals and the most terrifying moments of my life is that God places a limit on the degree of harm that he will allow people to inflict upon me. God has the final say. He will allow people to harm me for my ultimate good, and initially they think things are going their way and they have all the power. God only allows these situation for MY benefit so that I can grow in areas that have had stunted growth during periods of comfort.

Another thing that I have learned is that people threaten a lot of things that they will never do. Abusing is actually work. The most effective abusers teach us to abuse ourselves, and terrify us so badly, that the benefits of a single threat make us self-neglect and isolate and obey them long after the threatening process is over.

A social worker once called a person in my life a "terrorist." My gut reaction was total denial. The social worker told me to stop and listen to the definition. He said a terrorist is a person that uses terror to gain power, and it is that simple. Humans naturally feel terror when threatened with certain actions, and abusers know just what to threaten and how. And abusers can come in the shape of church ladies in lace collars, pearls, ugly shoes, and a gray poodle haircut.

Sometimes the cozy people are just totally coddled and know not what they do; others are abusers and even terrorists. I'm sorry you got hurt. Fear is information. That information can keep us alive, and often needs to be acted upon. Other times, we steal the power they have over us, when we feel the fear but do what we want anyway.

Here is my fear checklist that I compiled from a number of resources over the years. Every few years, I tweak it a bit, and I can see that it needs some more tweaking to fit who I am now. My faith was very low the last time I tweaked this. A lot has changed since then. But there is still a lot here that applies to a Christian.

Fear Checklist

When do we feel fear?
• Facing the unknown
• Believing that events in life are random
• Engaging in black and white thinking
• Alone
• In the dark
• In situations or places where we have been previously hurt or
threatened
• In situations or places where we have seen others hurt or
threatened.
• Facing possibility or reality of harm or death
• Facing possibility or reality of rejection, criticism, or disapproval
• Facing possibility or reality of betrayal or injustice
• Facing possibility or reality of failure
• Not getting or losing assistance
• Losing someone or something
• Losing control
• Losing mastery or competence

What does fear feel like?
• Perspiring
• Feeling jittery or jumpy
• Shaking, quivering, trembling
• Darting eyes, looking around
• Choking sensation, lump in throat
• Breathless
• Muscles cramping, tensing
• Diarrhea, vomiting
• Feeling of heaviness in stomach
• Feeling cold
• Hair erect
• Brain function impaired/altered

What do we do when we are afraid?
• Engage in nervous, fearful talk
• Use a shaky or trembling voice
• Cry, whimper
• Scream, yell
• Plead, cry for help
• Flee, run away
• Run, walk fast
• Hide, avoid
• Freeze
• Talk less, become speechless
• Stare
• Attack source of fear
• Make illogical and faulty decisions

What are the effects of feeling fear?
• Become unfocused, disorientated, dazed
• Depersonalization, dissociation, numbness, shock
• Distorted perceptions
• Memory problems
• Loss of control
• Intense desire to regain control
• Sense of helplessness
• Preoccupation with past times of fear
• Preoccupation with possibility of future fears
• Perceive the world more negatively
• Anger, sadness, disgust, shame, guilt
• Hyper alertness, exaggerated startle reflex
• Sleep disturbance
• Loss of appetite and/or binge eating
• Isolation
• Fear of being alone

What lessens fear? What makes us feel safer?
• Connection with big things: God, moon, sun, ocean
• Connection with present: newspapers, TV, radio
• Connection with past: nostalgic activities and items
• Connection with future: hope, birth,
• Interaction with people we trust
• Reduced interaction with untrustworthy people
• Helping others more fragile than ourselves
• Interaction with plants and animals
• Watching the cycles and patterns of nature
• Water
• Fire, heat
• Eating, cooking, presence of food
• Soothing music and sounds
• Distracting activities
• Purposeful activities
• Engaging in creativity
• Engaging in self-discovery activities and “non toothache” journaling
• Rituals
• Humor: active activities are more effective than passive ones
• Holding, wearing and drawing symbols of protection, identity and/
or meaning: birthstones, jewelry, cross, Bible, etc
• Familiar, soft clothing and bedding
• Being physically fit
• Freedom of movement
• Choices
• Focusing on how to play the game of life, rather than trying to win it.

Strategies to Combat Fear
• Identify the fear. Say it out loud. Write it down. Fear often loses
some of its power once it is identified. Is there a fear behind the
fear? Identifying the TRUE fear creates awareness.
• Fear of the unknown. Often fear comes from not knowing what to
expect. Talk to people. Read books. Search the internet for
information. Turn your unknowns into knowns.
• Ask for help. Is there anyone who can provide a service to you? At
the very least find someone who will listen and offer verbal and
emotional support.
• Ask yourself "what if?" Imagine the worst. How would you handle
it? Planning how to handle something in advance reduces your fear
of the unknown and increases your ability to manage it.
• Create a fallback statement. "If it doesn't work out, I'll..."
• Don't waste time worrying. 90% of what we worry about never
comes true.
• Facing your fear and taking a small action or risk to deal with your
fear builds confidence and lessens fear.
• Do not run from your fear. It often leads you into worse danger or
worse outcomes. If you feel confused, slow down a little.
• Deciding to do nothing. Sometimes it is best not to choose a new
route. Fear often creates a false sense of urgency. What would
happen if you do nothing?
• Train yourself to have the attitude that whatever happens, you'll
handle it. Remember times in the past when you have overcome
frightening obstacles successfully.
• Remind yourself that life is an adventure, no matter what happens.
Your security lies in your ability to perceive, to adapt, and to
respond. An enhanced ability to see what's happening and the
ability to respond quickly and accurately are the principles by which
all life-forms survive and evolve. Focus on responding and evolving
rather than attempting to control your environment and other
people.
• Keep life simple.
• Say no when you feel overwhelmed.

 

Thank you!!