Is my prayer sinful?

[Guido]

I desire a relationship with an attractive, godly woman, who will love me, and who will be kind to me, and whom I will love, to whom I will be kind, but I keep praying that I would see this person I knew in the hospital years ago, and that they would be the attractive, godly woman I will be with. I also pray many things for their benefit. By praying for a person I knew years ago to be that kind of woman to me, when I don’t know how she is today, am I sinning? And am I sinning by refusing to ask God for a wife of His choosing, as one pastor recommended I do? If I am not sinning, how long should I make this prayer before I give up, and look for another woman? Also, is it a sin to desire someone to whom I will be attracted, or to pursue someone partially because I find them attractive?

 

[JonC]

It is not a sin to ask. It may be a sin to reject an unwanted answer.

I do not believe it is appropriate to pray that a particular person you do not know today, one you do not currently have a relationship with, be your wife. That sounds more like infatuation to me.

 

[Judith]

I think it is fine telling the Lord your desires as long as you are willing to accept what He decides.

 

[Armchair Apologist]

You ought to pray for the one whom God has that will "complete" you and should he decide not to bring such a person into your life, are you willing to find your completeness in Christ and be content in the state in which the Lord has called you?

Another thing that every single person ought to do is do a serious study on marriage and what God intends it to be among those who are his children! It is not to make you "happy" to experience the "happily ever after" fairy tail ending. The sooner young Christians get such a notion out of their head, the better.

One thing you had better be prepared for is that marital conflicts are going to be an unavoidable fact of life and are a consequence of the fall (Gen 3:16). The next thing you had better realize is that marriage is not to make you happy but to make you holy! God intended marriage to be for our sanctification, to draw us both closer to him. All of those butterflies, fireworks, rainbow and lollipop feelings will soon fade and you will be with someone that you sometimes may not particularly like but God has commanded you to love nonetheless!

But by all means, continue to pray for your spouse! He that finds a wife finds a good thing and the one you take to the altar will either make or break you! Just keep our feet planted firmly on the ground.

 

[Ascetic X]

When I quit looking for a woman, and told God I needed a wife, He brought me the perfect companion to whom I was married for 21 blissful years.

 

[Mike B]

I desire a relationship with an attractive, godly woman, who will love me, and who will be kind to me, and whom I will love, to whom I will be kind, but I keep praying that I would see this person I knew in the hospital years ago, and that they would be the attractive, godly woman I will be with.

Guido, I do not know your age or life experience, but will happily share with you what I can from my own experiences.

It's good that you have an idea what type of personality you would like in a wife, however when you say "....but I keep
praying that I would see this person I knew in the hospital years ago", your heart and mind are distracted, meaning you
may not recognize the very lady who would make a wonderful and godly wife.

Unless you can currently socialize with the lady from the hospital, I would encourage you to let that go, and move forward.
If the Lord wanted her as your wife, she would be in your life in some manner, and pining for her will not benefit you at
all, and in fact is a hindrance to actually meeting that one special lady. The old axiom of "can't see the forest for the trees",
comes to mind.

And am I sinning by refusing to ask God for a wife of His choosing, as one pastor recommended I do?

As others have said, I too do not believe you are sinning, however I would encourage you to accept your pastor's
council.

If I am not sinning, how long should I make this prayer before I give up, and look for another woman? Also, is it a sin to desire someone to whom I will be attracted, or to pursue someone partially because I find them attractive?

Two questions here.

#1. Unless you currently have a reasonable and viable way to spend time with the hospital lady, then I would let that
go, now. As said above, pining for what you can not have will impede your ability to meet the woman God would have
you marry.

#2. Finding a woman attractive is a natural thing, however beware the sins of the flesh, as that will royally screw
up the potential for a relationship ending in a good marriage. Let "who she is" be what attracts you.

Far more important, IMO, is WHO she is as a Christian and a human being. Beauty fades; we all get old and fat,
and what counts is a personality that compliments yours. Second only to your love and dedication to the Lord,
she should be the most important thing in your life, and you should be the most important thing in her life.

Lastly, one of the biggest reasons that relationships fail is "unmet or unreasonable expectations". We get an idea
in our head of how things are going to go, and when they don't go that way, issues occur. When you meet someone,
keep an open mind so that you can learn who they truly are...meaning don't go through some mental "checklist" of
your expectations. Getting to know a person at that level takes time..sometime lots of time, and it goes both ways.
Don't be fearful to let her see who you are, both as a Christian and a man.

A verse comes to mind...

1 Peter 3:3-4.

I came to know the Lord later in life, and prior to that I admit to making some galactically stupid choices. Been
married to a wonderful, godly woman now for coming up on 25 years, and as much of a trainwreck as my earlier
marriage(s) were, the wisdom gained from those earlier mistakes now gives me better insight to what it actually
takes to make a good relationship work.

I would suggest you ask God to bring you a good wife (in general); let Him take care of the details.

 

[Guido]

Thank you everyone for your answers.

 

[Guido]

Would it be acceptable to God if I told Him that I prefer the person He has for me to be that person, but that I pray for Him to bring me whomever He has for me? Also, should I still keep praying for God to bless her, and that she would become born-again and sanctified, regardless of whether she is the one God has for me?

I also, I myself am not much sanctified. I am very lazy and procrastinate even on things that I want to do, such as writing and coding. Sometimes, I try to read I Corinthians 1 and will not move on to the next chapter until I have completely grasped it. Each time I read it, I do not feel as though I have fully understood it, so I decide to keep reading it over and over again.