Well, that's where I respect Calvinistic theology. The gospel is a set of propositions. How can it work in a person's heart without the Spirit? Why do some study scripture and get saved and others become expert atheist debaters? What is it that you naturally possess that causes you to recognize your need for Christ and your guilt as a sinner? I believe the difference is an action of the Holy Spirit on a person and that this action is dependent on God's sovereignty. It is not applied to all in the same way or extent. Why would we pray for someone to be saved if the choice is totally up to their evaluation of the propositions of the gospel?
I do agree that the human element is always present. John Owen himself said that all work of the Holy Spirit on a person for their salvation will come through their rational mind and thought processes. Both the preacher and the Holy Spirit are needed. Some Calvinists do make it seem like they believe that the individual does not have to repent and believe but that is not true Calvinistic theology.
I completely disagree that the Holy Spirit's involvement is only after you decide to be saved. But I agree that the idea that one is actually born again before they believe is debatable at best, if that is what you mean. Sinners do decide from the heart to be saved. The question is, why did you decide from your heart to be saved. I just happen to think that Calvinistic theology best explains what really happens.
Responding to your first paragraph.
In todays world, one important reason men do not fear God and why they will not repent is because of the false message of Calvinists and others who are taken seriously when they teach that men are unable to repent because God has a favored prechosen few who alone are the objects of his grace and salvation. These guys do great damage to the work of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ with this message, IMO, and leave most men without hope. I don't think these guys are guiltless for this kind of preaching.
Have you read some of the comments by these fellows who have decided there is no real message of judgement in the Revelation that makes any kind of sense? They have proven they do not believe the words. The preacher of the words must first believe the words and call on the unwashed to believe them or he will be preaching a false message.
Psa 115:16 The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD'S: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.
He did not just recently give the earth to the children of men, he created man to give it to him and he gave dominion over it to the man he created only to have Satan to immediately usurp his authority and subjugate him by tempting him to sin.
Jesus Christ is the man who will regain the authority over the earth by destroying Satan and those who follow him and this man, Jesus, will reign over this earth for a thousand years in time and then forever in eternity whether any one believes it or not. It is best to just believe it and cast your allegience to God in this war.
2 Cor 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;