Serious question

I have been struggling with this for a while. I can usually get clarity on something but this is giving me fits.

We have an attendee at our church that has been coming a couple of months. I used to go to church with him a couple years ago at another church. I saw some things that happened between him and youth that just caused all my retired law enforcement red flags to go up. He left that church, so I never had to deal with it. Since then I have heard rumors about him and a very young woman.
Last week a deacon at the last church he attended told me that he heard this man was attending our church. I said yeah he is. The deacon said “watch him. He is not what he claims to be. “ Deacon then said “Watch him real close, especially around young girls. “. Deacon then said “We don’t think he did anything at our church, but one of the teenage girls got a restraining order against him and he had to leave before anything happened. “. I have verified the restraining order was issued.

How do I handle this? To best of my knowledge, I am only one in our church that knows.

Reynolds said:

I have been struggling with this for a while. I can usually get clarity on something but this is giving me fits.

We have an attendee at our church that has been coming a couple of months. I used to go to church with him a couple years ago at another church. I saw some things that happened between him and youth that just caused all my retired law enforcement red flags to go up. He left that church, so I never had to deal with it. Since then I have heard rumors about him and a very young woman.
Last week a deacon at the last church he attended told me that he heard this man was attending our church. I said yeah he is. The deacon said “watch him. He is not what he claims to be. “ Deacon then said “Watch him real close, especially around young girls. “. Deacon then said “We don’t think he did anything at our church, but one of the teenage girls got a restraining order against him and he had to leave before anything happened. “. I have verified the restraining order was issued.

How do I handle this? To best of my knowledge, I am only one in our church that knows.

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It's a delicate balancing act. On the one hand you don't want to expose the church to civil liability that, in the absence of evidence, it leaks that this person is being "watched". On the other hand there is the concern for the young ladies in your church. If anything were to happen, and you knew the potential for it to happen, that's a heavy burden to carry. Pray about approaching your elders about your concerns. Let them know that you have no evidence but you were given a heads up by a person who has knowledge of why he left his previous church. I would also admonish the elders to treat the information delicately because of the liability the church could face it if impugns anyone's character.

Reynolds said:

I have been struggling with this for a while. I can usually get clarity on something but this is giving me fits.

We have an attendee at our church that has been coming a couple of months. I used to go to church with him a couple years ago at another church. I saw some things that happened between him and youth that just caused all my retired law enforcement red flags to go up. He left that church, so I never had to deal with it. Since then I have heard rumors about him and a very young woman.
Last week a deacon at the last church he attended told me that he heard this man was attending our church. I said yeah he is. The deacon said “watch him. He is not what he claims to be. “ Deacon then said “Watch him real close, especially around young girls. “. Deacon then said “We don’t think he did anything at our church, but one of the teenage girls got a restraining order against him and he had to leave before anything happened. “. I have verified the restraining order was issued.

How do I handle this? To best of my knowledge, I am only one in our church that knows.

Click to expand...

I'd definitely go to your pastor and elders, and have them keep their eyes open for concerning behavior. Sounds like there is just cause for suspicion that should be shared with Church leadership.

The restraining order is a matter of record. Sharing that item with your current church leadership seems wise.

You should take the information you have to the Pastor. The Pastor should then verify as much as he can and then confront the person if need be.

I would try to meet with the man, with a pastor (I do not know how your church leadership os structured, if multiple pastors I would request another as well).

You do not want your silence to result in a woman being abused, but you also do not want to assume the guy is guilty. I think it is important not to make this an issue of gossip within your church but also to address the concern.

If the man is innocent and it is gossip he deserves to know what is being said and defend his reputation.
Your church members also deserve to have a safe place to worship.

I believe the first step is conversation.


My old church, long after I moved, had an issue with the youth pastor. At a camp a girl had a crush on the pastor snd told another they were in a relationship. That day the rumor got back to the pastor snd he simply fired the youth pastor. Turns out the girl was just talking, no inappropriate behavior occurred. But the firing of this youth pastor was devastating to the church. Many members left (not because rumors about the youth pastor but be ause he was fired based on gossip whi h ended up being false). The pastor ended up leaving.

A simple conversation would have revealed that the youth pastor talked to the girl with his wife present (he would not be alone with the youth, regardless of gender).