Communication

I have been studying effective communication the majority of my life. It began with the same basics everyone in life gets - lessons in reading and writing, then english classes and essays.

I took that part of my education further. My original field of study in college required an understanding that subtle differences in what is communicated vs what someone wants to communicate.

"He said the grass is green" = Statement of fact.
"He said the grass is green." = Indication of doubt over whether or not the grass is green or not.
"He said the grass is green." = Indicated of blame.
"He claimed the grass is green." = Doubt.

My lessons in communication went further than that. When I began doing counseling one of the things we learned was that the vast majority of fights between couples revolve around what someone says vs what someone else hears being said. Remember the old joke that goes, "Which dress makes me look less fat?" "The red one." "Oh, so you think I look fat in blue?!" When all the person really meant was, "I like the red dress?"

I see a LOT of careless communication on this board, and then when responses to the message conveyed by the post are not what they expected, the person leaps up and goes, "You're lying!" When in fact, the problem is NOT that the second poster lied, it is that the first poster did a poor job of communicating.

If you think someone is misquoting you, if you think someone is "twisting your words," how about taking a Christian attitude and saying, "Wow, didn't realize my words came across that way. That isn't what I meant. What I meant was: .... Thank you for pointing out that it could be taken another way," instead of the bitter, back biting, "You lied about me!" childish name calling that is going on around here?

That would save a LOT of time, and be much more Christian. When you come back with, "You liar," you end up hurting your own cause.
1) You've offended another Christian.
2) You have done nothing to correct any communication errors that are going on.
3) You force the person to pick your post apart, thereby justifying their intrepreation that you think is wrong.

On the other hand, a simple, "Wow, didn't realize it would be read that way. It isn't what I meant, this is what I meant," does the following....
1) If comes much closer to how the bible would encourage Christians to interact.
2) It sets an example to non-Christians.
3) It doesn't lead to the other person having to pick your post apart to explain why they read you incorrectly, thus strengthening the reading you dislike, and causing others on the board to divide in the debate.
4) It gives you a chance to re-state what you really meant in a different phrasing that can leaves no doubt.

 

Pastor Larry,

I beg to differ.

Your words were clear, and my interpretation of them was not based on that one post. It was based on numerous posts you made.

You obviously are of the opinion that most poor people don't want to work, and are too uneducated to earn a decent wage.

That's a hateful and cold hearted attitude for a minister of God to take.

 

I saw on a thread where a certain "person" said "we assume". hmmm...

 

Actually I wasn't talking about you Larry. And that's a fact. You should be more careful about accusing me. It's not nice. To be honest, you post sounds like whining. If I had said it, I'd be told I'm whining. God bless you Larry.

And I did answer you. Anything I didn't answer was because you did not make sense. My head was spinning and I am not happy about it.

 

Larry,

I wasn't unable, I was tired of your bitter attitude, and didn't think you were worth the effort.

Joseph suggested (accurately I believe) that God sanctioned Governments as both his agent of wrath and his agent of benevolence to the needy.

Your rude comment was "They are God's ministers of justice and government, not handouts." The clear communication that "government aide to the needy is a "handout."

Several other posters asked you to define what Paul meant when he told Christians to do good, or called you on those words before the thread went further.

Someone even asked if you allowing children to starve of families to be homeless was justice, you told them their question was irrelevant.

You then said, "those who don't work shouldn't eat." You made no allowance for those who CAN'T work - or for those who try to work and can't find employment.

Then you came back and repeated the absurd statement that God says people who don't work aren't entitled to the necessities of life. Show me that in the New Testament please.

I posted figures showing that even on minimum wage, hard working people can't survive today without help. YOU came back with "There are few reasons why anyone supporting a family has to work for minimum wage." You called the high school dropouts, people who "couldn't keep a job," "students," people who "can't talk properly," people who "don't know how to dress respectably," and said they live in poverty because they WON'T change.

You totally ignore the reality of the modern world. You ignore the fact that mothers are supporting children because fathers are dead beats. You ignore the fact that there are widows and or widowers who have to be both mother and father to children. You ignore plant-closings, hurricanes, fires, and outsourcing, the physical handicaps, and just assume that you are better than all these "minimum wage workers".

I stand by my words. You are NOT taking a Christ like attitude, Larry.

Jesus Christ said not to judge. You're definately sitting in judgement.

Jesus Christ said to love. Where is love in your words?

Jesus Christ said that if you refuse to help a stranger you are refusing to help Him.

The bible says that if you are a Christian you will be known by your fruits. What are your fruits Larry? Starving children? Homeless families?

Christ said to care for the widows, orphans, homeless and sick. Do you have a right to disavow the words of Christ? Did He give you some "holy idict" to say, "Just ignore that part of what He teaches?"

You are a very hateful man. Christ did NOT say, "Help those who Larry thinks deserve it." In fact, He spent a LOT of time criticizing the pharaisees for that very attitude.

 

And it is fact that I wasn't talking about you. I was responding to TS who began her post with "I beg to differ." I told her she could if she wanted, but she was still wrong. You weren't even near my mind.

What did I accuse you of? </font>[/QUOTE]Larry, your post was exactly after mine. Given that the moderators are against me I had justifiable cause to believe you were talking to me. It was up to YOU to make it clear who you were talking to. And you know it.

 

You should have been more careful to read what I actually said, rather than what you think I said. My words were clear. And you did not comment on what I actually said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That is what you accused me of. If you weren't talking to me, you should have made it clear IN your post who you were talking to. besides, you have said the exact same to me as well. Larry...I'm not stupid.

 

When someone does something to me it is a personal issue. That, and you told me yourself you purposely generalize to avoid being accused of anything. Well...not putting the name of the person you were talking to is generalizing and I saw it as a way to take a shot at me and have "an out" if you know what I mean.

In this instance, "my bad". Still..."I" try to make it a habit to always address who I am talking to in my posts Larry. I had justifiable cause...even though I was wrong.

 

Hmm...I was called hateful. I have been called many things on here. But that's ok.

Man...You moderators are frustrating. You must WANT to drive people away.

 

Larry,

If you think that most of the single parents in this country are that way because they engaged in premarital sex you are SORELY out of touch with social demographics of modern society. The majority of single parents are the result of divorce. Not fornication, but even if it WAS the result of fornication - why should the child suffer? Because you think they deserve to have the sins of the parents visited upon them?

You only allowed for the widows after someone called you on the other.

You can't sugar coat what you said with, "I didn't actually say that people who are laid off..." when what you DID say was "the majority of".

Did you EVER READ the book of Matthew? ?
How can ANY ONE who CLAIMS to be a PASTOR in a Christian Church say that Christ never said don't judge.

Did you MISS Judge not lest ye be judged?
Did you MISS the part about splinters and motes?
Did you MISS the lessons of the prodigal son?
Did you MISS "Do unto others as ye would have them do unto you?"
Did you MISS the second is this, "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Did you MISS the story of the good samaritan?

How is it loving to look down your nose at someone, declare their choices "bad" and therefore unworthy of assistance?

And whether you find it judgmental or not, I TRULY believe you are the most hateful man I have ever met in my life.

I have known people from all over the world, all walks of life, rich and poor, and you are the ONLY one I know who claims to be a Christian with the attitude you have that they all brought it on themselves.

Did you happen to MISS the fact that a LOT of the people Jesus Christ considered "friends" were the very people YOU have decided are unworthy of help?