Do you believe in disciplining children

If you took that attitude with my kids they would be running you over within a few days. My kids are still a work in progress.

My son has made incredible strides in the last year, but he still gets spankings for the automatics that we have outlined to him (we are not a ignorant as you seem to think that we are). My son knows what the limits are and generally sticks to them. When he is away for a while from our direct parenting, we see how much he allows to loose. My son knows the limits and when he crosses the limit, he receives the appropriate discipline.

 

The main problem Ive seen in this area, among those who are trying to discipline correctly, is parents not talking to their child during and after the disciplining. We've made it a general rule to not ever just send them to their room and have them wait for awhile. This might happen if we need to calm down for a minute or two. But we always tell them why they will be getting a spanking, give it to them, then talk about what they could or should have done differently. I try to end in having them pray or me praying with them, especially if its a serious offense. Then always tell them "I love you" at the end. They need to hear it.

Ive also found that while they are young they need MORE spankings, not less. If you do it right when they are younger, than the older they get the less they will need one.

 

This discussion always makes me sad.

Yes, I believe in disciplining children, but I do not believe that disciplining has to be spanking or hitting a child.

It definitely depends upon the child. I have seen children that were spanked several times a day. It didn't do any good. I have seen children yelled at. It didn't do any good.

Children like to please and when they learn what pleases their parents then they usually behave.

Children like attention and if the only way that they can get it is to misbehave, then they will.

Scarlett and TexasSky

Love those children. They need to respect their parents, nor fear them.


For parents, if your method of discipline is not getting the results that you expect, then something is wrong with your method.

Another thought: Maybe we should define discipline. I like to think of it as methods to teach a child right and wrong. It doesn't always take a spanking. Many times just setting an example is enough for your child.

 

What to do when the child won't stay in time out.

I had one of those kids! He was rarely spanked either as most of the time spanking only made matters worse.

So what to do? Get creative!

If Son was throwing a temper tantrum, I sat him on my lap gently holding his arms and legs so that he couldn't hurt himself or me, and let him scream it out. Usually didn't take more than a minute because Son really was hyperactive and COULDN'T be still for long(which is why he didn't stay in timeout). Then came the discussion of why fits weren't going to have the desired effect. At 1, it was simply "NO FITS!". As he got older he learned that no meant no in spite of his fit.

The second thing that worked was simply sending him to his room. Son hated to be separated from the group(still does) so sending him to his room gets his attention without requiring him to sit still while he thinks about his crime.

Stealing? Oh my goodness, Son gets the prize here too. If something went missing, guess who had it? When we(family and teachers) quit making a big deal of it and simply asked him if he had seen it, the object was returned willingly. If we did make a big deal of it he was less willing to be honest and say that yes he had it. This went on from PreK all the way to about 2nd grade. Now he is in 5th grade and is embarrassed when reminded of all those things he squirrelled away in the lower grades. "But Mom, that was STEALING!".

Sometimes you have to work within your child's own understanding. When Son was young and saw something interesting unattended, he was much more likely to think that the owner simply didn't want it anymore, even if he knew who's it was. He simply didn't understand the concept of theft. This was shown by his willingness to to hand things over that he had "found" when asked. He never that I can remember, tried to hide something he took.

Parents must not excuse their children's actions, but they must do their very best to understand what motivates them. Timeouts didn't work with Son because he really was hyperactive. Poor thing used to fall over asleep in the midst of playing, no warning whatsoever. He would wake in the morning and immediately start moving and talking and not stop until he plopped over. The car for some reason calmed him and he would always fall asleep within minutes of getting in. We still laugh at all the times he would be singing a song and boom! fall asleep mid sentence.

Ugly names? If I spanked mine every time they called each other an ugly name, I'd be worn out before breakfast! What works here is, "Hey! You know better than that!". Sometimes they just aren't thinking. Plus, siblings are safe and there to be experimented on. If sister cares about what brother has called her, then he learns that his friends probably won't appreciate that name either.

Funny thing: There are times when my kids have said about a punishment, "Aw Mom, can't you just give me a spanking instead?" I must be doing something right.

 

The rod sounds a lot like that willow switch my mom and grandma used to use...lol OUCH! That was the one thing I went out of my way to avoid. The belt... no big deal. But that switch... KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME! lol

 

Love it! Not a parent yet but I too hope my kids prefer spankings over the discipline I give them.

I have no problem with spanking or corporal punishment and plan to use it. But I consider it an inferior and uncreative form of discipline, maybe because pain avoidance has never been a big motivator for me. I was a pretty good kid growing up so my parents rarely needed to use corporal punishment after the age of 3. Raising their voice usually did the trick.

 

I think spanking is necessary, but yelling is not. A child should be able to see his parents in a cool and calm manner, and a simple glare should instill a healthy respect in the child knowing that that stare of control and authority means painful consequences. Yet the child learns that the parents do love him because discipline is never exercised in a fit of rage. To a young child, shouting equals hate. Shouting also doesn't show authoritative control. If you speak in a gentle, calm manner, yet use painful discipline when necessary, and never shout, the child knows that you are always in complete control.

 

Yes, but I see no connection between the issue of disciplining your children and whether Christians should support the death penalty.

 

We should give to God out of our first fruits. We should spank only as a last resort. Yet we so often give to God out of our last fruits, and spank as a first resport. And then we blame secular society for our problems? Whassupwiddat???

 

John

where does it say in the bible that it should be a last resort?


I do see that the parents who use it as a first resort, with full control, and in full love have the best behaved children.. at least it seems to me anyways.

 

Why do people assume that someone who uses biblical spanking needs so much lecturing. You are preaching to the chior- I hope. It is a last resort, but according to the bible it is an indispensable last resort.

 

Sometimes I would like to spank Johnv, but mostly I really like talking with him LOL

 

This comes as news to me!

I agree with Thankful. I don't think switching the kid ought to be the automatic reaction to every infringement of the rules. I really think that with me after a certain time spanking was counter-productive--it just made me mad. I actually felt worse if my parents talked to me and told me how they were disappointed in me than I did if I just got spanked.

As a side note, I have a friend whose parents were very strict--he got whipped with a belt for what seems like every little thing to me. I think it was counterproductive with him too, because he told me that it just made him angry and actually made him hate his parents for a while. Because his relationship with them was so bad he started completely disrespecting them, stealing money from his mom's purse, and the like. Things are better now that he is older, but he still feels a lot of resentment towards them at times.

Discretion is important!