What to do when the child won't stay in time out.
I had one of those kids! He was rarely spanked either as most of the time spanking only made matters worse.
So what to do? Get creative!
If Son was throwing a temper tantrum, I sat him on my lap gently holding his arms and legs so that he couldn't hurt himself or me, and let him scream it out. Usually didn't take more than a minute because Son really was hyperactive and COULDN'T be still for long(which is why he didn't stay in timeout). Then came the discussion of why fits weren't going to have the desired effect. At 1, it was simply "NO FITS!". As he got older he learned that no meant no in spite of his fit.
The second thing that worked was simply sending him to his room. Son hated to be separated from the group(still does) so sending him to his room gets his attention without requiring him to sit still while he thinks about his crime.
Stealing? Oh my goodness, Son gets the prize here too. If something went missing, guess who had it? When we(family and teachers) quit making a big deal of it and simply asked him if he had seen it, the object was returned willingly. If we did make a big deal of it he was less willing to be honest and say that yes he had it. This went on from PreK all the way to about 2nd grade. Now he is in 5th grade and is embarrassed when reminded of all those things he squirrelled away in the lower grades. "But Mom, that was STEALING!".
Sometimes you have to work within your child's own understanding. When Son was young and saw something interesting unattended, he was much more likely to think that the owner simply didn't want it anymore, even if he knew who's it was. He simply didn't understand the concept of theft. This was shown by his willingness to to hand things over that he had "found" when asked. He never that I can remember, tried to hide something he took.
Parents must not excuse their children's actions, but they must do their very best to understand what motivates them. Timeouts didn't work with Son because he really was hyperactive. Poor thing used to fall over asleep in the midst of playing, no warning whatsoever. He would wake in the morning and immediately start moving and talking and not stop until he plopped over. The car for some reason calmed him and he would always fall asleep within minutes of getting in. We still laugh at all the times he would be singing a song and boom! fall asleep mid sentence.
Ugly names? If I spanked mine every time they called each other an ugly name, I'd be worn out before breakfast! What works here is, "Hey! You know better than that!". Sometimes they just aren't thinking. Plus, siblings are safe and there to be experimented on. If sister cares about what brother has called her, then he learns that his friends probably won't appreciate that name either.
Funny thing: There are times when my kids have said about a punishment, "Aw Mom, can't you just give me a spanking instead?"
I must be doing something right.
