A dilemma

[Randy119]

New to the forums here so I'm not sure if it belongs in a different one, i have a question regarding the marriage of a Baptist and a Catholic.

I have been dating a Catholic girl for about a year now, and I'm thinking about proposing, but i want to know what the rule is regarding this if its OK, if its not, if its good, is it bad, I would ask my pastor but my pastor is my dad and i would rather not discuss such a matter with him, since he doesn't like her already I don't want him to know i intend to marry her before I'm done with college, i want to marry her but i don't know if its OK for her to marry outside the Catholic faith, or if it's OK for me to do so.

So if you could help me, or point me to a website i could get some information on this problem form thank you very much.

 

[just-want-peace]

Back off m'friend.

Marriage has enough problems w/o starting off by deception with your Dad; pastor or not!

If you are having to ask complete strangers for advice on a matter like this rather than your Dad, who loves you far, far more than any of us possibly can, then you arent ready for such a step.

Don't let hormones drive you to a bad decision (Don't say this is the case, but at your age it could well be.)

 

[swaimj]

Randy119, the marriage partner for a Christian must be another Christian. If you are a baptist and believe that salvation is "by grace through faith", you should understand that Roman Catholicism is a system of works by which salvation is gained. So, your prospective partner is either not saved, or does not understand some of the issues involved in salvation. Under this circumstance, marriage is not recommended.

Beyond that, marriage is a lifelong commitment that should not be entered lightly and it should not be entered under duress. I didn't get married until I was 42, but I can tell you, it's good to take your time and not rush into it. Before I married, I met every friend of my future bride's that I could and I met her family members. I wanted to be around them and I wanted them to be around me. I wanted them to be able to unreservedly say to my future wife, "we like this guy, we think you'll be a great couple". During this process, I also introduced my future bride to my family and to all my friends and to people I worked with. I wanted to know what they thought of her.

Why? Because one of the principles of wise decision making is to get advice from people who know you and love you before you make a decision. If people who already know you and love you are throwing up red flags about what you are about to do, you need to take this as a message from God that you may be about to make a mistake. "There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors" says the scripture. Listen not only to your feelings, but listen to what others are saying. Love is blind; that is, the emotional feelings that romantic love produces can blind you to problems that may come down the road.

Your father may indeed be wrong about this girl, but if he is a pastor and he is trying to dissuade you because of her catholicism, he is warning you of the danger of entering into a relationship in which your future spouse may not be saved and in which you and she are going to disagree about how to live your lives. This can cause serious heartache down the road.

My advice would be to listen to you dad and be willing to make the hard decision to break off the relationship.

 

[Revmitchell]

Back off m'friend.

Marriage has enough problems w/o starting off by deception with your Dad; pastor or not!

If you are having to ask complete strangers for advice on a matter like this rather than your Dad, who loves you far, far more than any of us possibly can, then you arent ready for such a step.

Don't let hormones drive you to a bad decision (Don't say this is the case, but at your age it could well be.)

yup................

 

[Randy119]

I am not rushing into this, i wanted to know from people well versed in this field if it was merely OK for members of separate denominations to enter marriage together, its not hormones, My dad is my only family member(aside form my mom) who does not like her, and the only reason they don't like her is she is not baptist, and believe me i have been trying to get her to convert, shes not that strong with the Catholic faith, and the reason she stays is she was raised Catholic, and her family is Catholic so she stays because of them.

 

[Revmitchell]

I am not rushing into this, i wanted to know from people well versed in this field if it was merely OK for members of separate denominations to enter marriage together, its not hormones, My dad is my only family member(aside form my mom) who does not like her, and the only reason they don't like her is she is not baptist, and believe me i have been trying to get her to convert, shes not that strong with the Catholic faith, and the reason she stays is she was raised Catholic, and her family is Catholic so she stays because of them.

Then there is no reason you cannot wait until your Dad comes around or until you discover that this is not God's will for you.

 

[Baptist4life]

"Converting to a Baptist" is something you shouldn't be concerned about. Coming to know Jesus Christ as her Savior is what you need to be worried about. From your posts, you sound very confused about your own faith. Belonging to a certain denomination has nothing to do with her, or your, salvation. If she's a Roman Catholic, you need to first be sure she is saved, which, in my opinion, if she's truly a Roman Catholic, she is not. Do not unequally yoke yourself.

The Roman Catholic Church is NOT "just another denomination".

 

[swaimj]

Randy, does this girl profess to be saved?

 

[Tom Bryant]

Randy, does this girl profess to be saved?

And do you?

What do her parents think about it?

btw, how old are you both?

 

[Randy119]

I don't know if shes save(according to Catholicism) or not but I'm not sure what to do with this

Edit: We are both 21, and her Dad is OK with me( i would have talked to him but the subject without knowledge of it scares me to death) and her Mother is deceased. I am, i was saved and Baptized when i was 12.

 

[Tom Bryant]

By the way, these are all questions and comments that most any of the pastors on here would ask you if you were sitting in our offices.

Most of us would say that you were bound for some real problems in the marriage if you were to go ahead with this. (1) You would be violating Scripture; (2) You would be breaking your dad's trust; (3) Biblically, the most important issue in our lives ought to be Jesus, which you don't know about in her life.

We just see huge issues in front of you if you continue. Marriage is fragile enough without these "biggies" in the relationship. All of us, including your dad, have seen marriages end because of less.

 

[swaimj]

Randy, there are lots of strikes against you here.

You do not know her spiritual condition and it seems you have not asked about this in enough detail to find out.

You do not talk to your father about this or your mother because you think they will not approve.

You do not talk to her father because you are afraid of him.

When you get married, it's tough to make it. You need the support of the people you love and of the people who love her. You need to be in agree ment with her on the basic issues of life and on your basic outlooks.

It doesn't seem that you have any of these things going for you.

If your father is a pastor and you are not comfortable talking to him, do you know any other pastor that you could approach for advice. You need some personal counsel before you proceed. Do you know of any options?

From what you've said, you definitely need to hold off on a decision to marry her until you get some counsel.

If you are involved with her physically, even just making out, you need to cease until you get some counsel--and accept it-- on important issues.

I'm praying for your, friend.

 

[Randy119]

I know my Dad wont approve, my mom wont approve but she doesn't approve of anything, i see some confusion about the fear of her dad thing, i am scarred to bring this issue to her father until i have some information on this subject

 

[Tom Butler]

Randy, you are doing rightly be learning about Catholicism. But I'm a little concerned that you have made the decision to marry her without having already asked the important questions.

Do you realize that she will want to make sure any children you two have are raised as Catholics. There is a reason you are Baptist and not Catholic, I take it, yet are you willing to give up your children to a religion you won't embrace yourself. And I could be wrong, but her priest won't do the ceremony until you have promised it.

Y'all correct me if I'm wrong.

Randy, don't take my word for it. Ask her. Or ask her priest.

 

[Randy119]

The only reason im Baptist and not Catholic is because form the moment i was able to read my parents raised me that way, and i am trying to learn this so i can see whats ahead, i chose to be Baptist sicne that was all i knew, and was raised to belive it to be true.

 

[Marcia]

I know my Dad wont approve, my mom wont approve but she doesn't approve of anything, i see some confusion about the fear of her dad thing, i am scarred to bring this issue to her father until i have some information on this subject

None of this makes for a good marriage. If you can't face your father or her father on this now, then you will have even more serious problems with your parents and her parents after you marry, should you marry. Also, if you don't even know if this woman is saved, marrying her would be unbiblical. Not only that, but if you go ahead with it, you will regret it. It's not right for you or for her or for future children to start off with so many unresolved issues.

I agree with the other advice here that has been given. Listen to it and carefully consider all this.

 

[Randy119]

From what i understand of the Catholic religion she is saved, i cant ask her for quite some time shes in class, and i would rather not disturb her, now one thing in the 5 years we have known eachother(4 years before we started dating) we never really let our Religion get in the way(aside from morals and not doing that) but using Google, Yahoo, and limited access to a Catholic priest limit my knowledge on the Catholic definition of salvation.

By the way, i have been trying to learn about Catholicism but quite frankly i don't know enough about it to understand any of the differences other than Saved by faith as compared to Catholic <Blank>, and that Baptist chapels are smaller and more Quaint and humble than a Catholic Church

 

[Baptist4life]

From what i understand of the Catholic religion she is saved, i cant ask her for quite some time shes in class, and i would rather not disturb her, now one thing in the 5 years we have known eachother(4 years before we started dating) we never really let our Religion get in the way(aside from morals and not doing that) but using Google, Yahoo, and limited access to a Catholic priest limit my knowledge on the Catholic definition of salvation.

By the way, i have been trying to learn about Catholicism but quite frankly i don't know enough about it to understand any of the differences other than Saved by faith as compared to Catholic <Blank>, and that Baptist chapels are smaller and more Quaint and humble than a Catholic Church

I don't mean to sound mean, but you say your dad is a Pastor, that you've been saved for awhile now, and yet you know nothing about the differences between Baptists and Catholics other than the size of their buildings?!!
Your whole story is starting to sound a little suspect. I really find it hard to believe your dad is a pastor. If he truly is, he's seriously guilty of neglecting the Spiritual life of his son. How you can grow up in a pastor's home and be as ignorant of what you believe is beyond me.

 

[Randy119]

Alright, but my spiritual life circulated on Baptist teachings only, i was never told of the difference between Catholicism and Baptism, and between his second job he did not get much time to do so, maybe not that good of a defense for him but its there, and you are right

 

[windcatcher]

Sounds like each of you have much to get to know about each other before you make a commitment. If you are Baptist for the same reason that she is Catholic.... and neither of you know why beyond being born or raised that way.... then neither of you have the depth to know what you believe. Each of you need the stability which a real faith keeps and a lasting marriage needs and you should find common ageement. In God's order of authority, the man/husband is the priest in his home, the preserver, defender the protector of the family and their faith. The woman who becomes your wife may someday be the mother of your children and will train them and teach them what she believes.... whether or not she agrees with you. The choice you make in this hour of your life will shape your happiness or regret through the remainder of your life..... but more importantly will have an eternal impact on the direction of your children.

Withdraw from the physical part of your relationship and build your circle of friends to include and involve your friends and her friends, your family and her family, activities which include their interests, her interests, and your interests....... not all at the same time,.lol. Observe how she budgets her money.... and how she respects yours.... are your priorities similar and reasonable? Talk politics and values. Do you have intense differences? Does one adhere to parties and the other notices the person? Who dominates or wins when you disagree about anything? If you 'fight', do you both 'fight fair' by not calling each other names, or drifting off the subject, or bringing up old issues, or blaming or judging or diagnosising each other for what is merely a difference of opinion and differences in perspective? Are such 'discussions' really an exchange of ideas where each takes turns to listen as well as speaking.... or do they seem more like a competition over who can best top the other? Do you both come to similar conflict resolutions, getting closure, and feeling closer, or are conflicts ended by one getting their demands or shutting down and refusing to talk? I don't know how appropriate to this discussion .... but some of these speak to individual maturity and character development skills which helps to keep relationships relating. Have either of you had experiences where you put off something you really wanted as a sacrifice for someone you loved... without regret? Can you work together to identify strengths and weaknesses already present in your relationship... and set goals and work apart and together to meet those goals? When you go for a period of time without hearing from or speaking to each other.... does it just make you lonely and can each of you 'carry on' until the time you can be together again or is there an anxiety of trust or missing attention which the other one gives you? (This speaks more to contentment, maturity and trust, rather than expecting the other to fill your every need or her expecting you to fill hers.)

Whatever you decide.... take your time. If its real it will keep. If not.... the sooner corrected the easiest mended although it may hurt for a while. Work on your relationships with your families. You may think you can leave them.... but they'll be with you even if you never speak or hear from them again.