A new last name!

[Reynolds]

It is a cultural thing (not a Christian thing).

Britan developed the custom of taking the husband's last name and omitting the madien name in the 14th century.

But this is not the custom of most of the world, including many Americans.

It is not the custom of most Christians.

So why would a Christian pastor refuse to marry a Christian couple who does not hold that English tradition?

Such a refusal is placing unwarranted value on one specific secular tradition.

Refusing to marry a Christian couple for holding Italian, Spanish, French, Hispanic, Greek, etc. traditions rather than submitting to British tradition is not (IMHO) correct for a pastor.

Weddings are typically a traditional event. It is about the groom, bride and God. A pastor has no right to place his own secular traditions in the mix.

In the U.S., not taking the mans last name is a display of feminism and rebellion to the submission that is Biblically required.

 

[JonC]

In the U.S., not taking the mans last name is a display of feminism and rebellion to the submission that is Biblically required.

It could be with some. But that is an assumption.

Would you refuse to marry a couple if they were from Spain, Italy, France, Mexico, etc. and maintained those family traditions?

As a kid I knew a few Hispanics. Their mother kept their madien name. But they were also submissive to their husbands (also a part of their custom).


We cannot judge the whole based on a vocal minority.

 

[Reynolds]

It could be with some. But that is an assumption.

Would you refuse to marry a couple if they were from Spain, Italy, France, Mexico, etc. and maintained those family traditions?

As a kid I knew a few Hispanics. Their mother kept their madien name. But they were also submissive to their husbands (also a part of their custom).


We cannot judge the whole based on a vocal minority.

If they were in USA, yes.

 

[JonC]

If they were in USA, yes.

Why?

What I mean is the wife taking the husbands last name is a tradition with some in the US (especially in the Eastern states) but has never been a tradition for all in the US.

I find pastors who insist on their tradition problematic. Pastors should insist on biblical doctrine, not man's traditions.

We view changing the last name as symbolic of following the husband as the head of the household. And that is fine. But it is still just a tradition that began in Britain. I would guess many women who take their husband's last name are not even Christian.

 

[Salty]

We view changing the last name as symbolic of following the husband as the head of the household.

and that I fullly agree!

 

[JonC]

and that I fullly agree!

We (you and I) do. But most Christians do not.

The practice of women taking their husband's last name was implemented as coverture (it was a legal reason, not a Christian reason). But it became tradition here as we grew from British colonies.

The problem with demanding other Christians adopt our secular traditions is it departs from the Bible. A pastor who insists a woman take her husbands last name before agreeing to marry them is a pastor who has drifted from Scripture. He is not worthy of his position.

A pastor's job is to pastor those under his charge in accordance with Scripture. Using his own traditions and preferences as a criteria is counter to the Bible and his duty as a pastor.

 

[JonC]

Put it another way- would you marry a couple if they did not celebrate Christmas? For many Christians (myself included) this is a day we set adide to think about the Incarnation, about God sending His Son.

Or what if there couple did not wear Christian jewlery? For many Christians this is not only a reminder of their faith but also evangelism. Evangelism is important.

What if there couple wanted to get married at a venue rather than a church building?

What if there bride wanted to wear blue?

What if the couple did not want a flower girl?

What if there woman wore slacks?

What if the couple chose a song other than the Bridal Chorus when she walked down the isle?


There are many opportunities for a pastor to make a wedding about him instead of the couple and God. Demanding the couple follow British common law is just one of them.

 

[Deacon]

If you are a pastor and a couple told you the bride will keep her madien name.
What would be your response?

If you are the Dad, what would you say to your son or daughter?

1) It's none of my business.

2) The woman has to choose between taking her husband's last name or keeping her father's last name.

3) A hyphenated (a double last name) is its own punishment - it's so long....

My oldest daughter was married twice to the same man (isn't that unbiblical???)
#1 was a military wedding - really just the paper work, with a very short service to insure the military paper work went through.
#2 was the "real thing" - that's the one they celebrate!

Rob

 

[Salty]

What if there bride wanted to wear blue?

lets turn this question around
She wants to wear white - but - we know (well, you know what I mean)

 

[Salty]

Put it another way- would you marry a couple if they did not celebrate Christmas? For many Christians (myself included) this is a day we set adide to think about the Incarnation, about God sending His Son.

Do they both agree?

Or what if there couple did not wear Christian jewlery? For many Christians this is not only a reminder of their faith but also evangelism. Evangelism is important.

Has it been discussed ?

What if there couple wanted to get married at a venue rather than a church building?

I would inquire as to why? I would bring up the foundation of their marriage

What if there bride wanted to wear blue?

Maybe its her school colors!

What if the couple did not want a flower girl?

why not?

What if there woman wore slacks?

How important is it?

What if the couple chose a song other than the Bridal Chorus when she walked down the isle?

Is it music to my ears?

There are many opportunities for a pastor to make a wedding about him instead of the couple and God. Demanding the couple follow British common law is just one of them.

Its not about making wedding about me. Rather are they in agreement?
Granted, they may not agree on every last issue - but there does need to be a good connection.

There needs to be a sufficient amount of pre-marital counseling.

Its bad enough when a divorce happens - but its horrible when a Christian couple divorce.