Are we sinning by waiting to marry?

[Jimmy C]

According to Al Mohler we are! I could not believe his article from Baptist Press - I would have thought it an April Fools joke, but the article appeared on june 30!

I suppose if we are going to be truly biblical about marriage, we will arrange our childrens marriage, and marry those girls off at the age of 13-14!

As the father of girls, I would love for them to wait as long as possible to complete college and establish themselves in thier careers. I have seen too many women (good christians) who have husbands leave them with no career or skills to handle thier newfound singleness.

I dont know the stats but I would guess that the average divorce rate is much higher when a couple marries young - financial stress etc.

Some exerpts follow:

Mohler message on FamilyLife Today: Don’t put off marriage
Jun 30, 2004
By Jeff Robinson
LOUISVILLE, Ky. (BP)--Young men and women should not delay marriage until it is convenient for them but should actively seek the mate God has chosen for them, R. Albert Mohler Jr. told a national radio audience recently.

For the first time, men in the United States are marrying at an average age of 28 and women at 26.4, said Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky. These numbers represent a profound change from 1900, when boys reached sexual maturity by 15 and married by 20 and girls matured sexually by 14 and married between 18 and 20, Mohler said.

Mohler’s taped comments were broadcast by FamilyLife Today on June 22. They were part of a message Mohler delivered at the 2004 New Attitude Conference for singles held in January in Louisville.


Here is a link for the full article

http://www.sbcbaptistpress.org/bpnews.asp?ID=18611

 

[Daniel David]

The Bible treats marriage as the default position for people. It is the assumed position.

 

[NateT]

Additionally, the attitude to delay marriage probably correlates to delay to have kids as well. If for no other reason than waiting to get married until 28 (for men).

I'm not sure that the sin would be that you waited to get married, but what you put in its place. If you don't look at marriage and/or kids a blessing then you are denying what the Bible says. (That is said for those who are NOT called to the blessing of being single for life).

If we look at kids as a curse or a burden, that's wrong. If I look at marriage as a burden because I can't get what I want once I'm married (expensive toys, nice cars, fancy clothes etc) then that is wrong.

Also, from the article

Young men should be actively seeking the wife God has chosen for them, Mohler said. This does not mean a man should marry as a young teenager but it instead involves actively seeking God’s will, which is marriage for most men, Mohler said.

that shows he's not saying get married without thinking about it, or at 13 or 14, but instead it needs to be something we are pursuing (instead of pursuing building wealth and getting lots of cool toys)

 

[Kiffin]

There however is an assumption in Mohler's article that God intends for everyone to be Married. While it is no doubt true for Most for some it isn't. Mohler also seems to want to play pop Psychology in knowing when the right age for a person to marry if God wants that person to marry. Personaly I think Mohler (and I like Al Mohler) is out of touch with what many older Singles are experiencing.

There is no such thing as a “sin of waiting,” to be married. Many Christian single people do find it hard to find a Christian mate and see so many of the peers go through 1, 2 or 3 divorces before they are even 35.

Mohler makes a bunch of assumptions based on his pop Psychology rather than Scripture. For one thing some Biblical people such as Jeremiah and the Apostle Paul never married and the Single life is one that both the Lord Jesus and Paul stated was a honarable one that can bring God glory. There is also Isaac, who did not marry til he was 40. Mohler's remarks once again seem based on experience and not the Word of God and he seems not to relate with the modern single culture as well as he thinks he does.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by Jimmy C:
According to Al Mohler we are!

Well, then Al Mohler is wrong.

 

[donnA]

Issac was 40, Moses was 40+.
The bible does not give us instructions on when to marry as far as I can remember. I may be SBC but I disagree with him.

I dont know the stats but I would guess that the average divorce rate is much higher when a couple marries young - financial stress etc.

Nope, not here. Married at 16, almost 24 years ago, still married, and love it.

 

[DeclareHim]

Its definetly not sin to wait to get married.

 

[pinoybaptist]

Does anyone know what the marrying age for women could be ? I mean, biblically.

 

[Artimaeus]

Are we sinning by waiting to marry?

No, but many are sinning while waiting to marry. One of the main reasons marriage is being delayed by so many is that they can enjoy (sorta) the intimacy reserved for marriage without having to actually be married. Not the only reason, of course, but maybe the single most significant one for the numbers involved.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by donnA:
Nope, not here. Married at 16, almost 24 years ago, still married, and love it.

You're the exception to the rule. Statistically, marriages at a later age (late 20's and on) have a greater chance of not ending in divorce. Now, before anyone says "I refuse to be a statistic", everyone ends up being a statistic.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by pinoybaptist:
Does anyone know what the marrying age for women could be ? I mean, biblically.

There's no min-max age for marriage set in the Bible. Mary was likely in her early teens. We'd call that pedophelia today. This is one place where maritacl customs are definitely societal.

 

[Artimaeus]

Originally posted by pinoybaptist:
Does anyone know what the marrying age for women could be ? I mean, biblically.

There is no age by which a person should be married, Biblically. However, I would take a hint from the first reference to marriage and take it to mean they are old enough to be self sufficient.

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

 

[donnA]

Originally posted by Johnv:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by pinoybaptist:
Does anyone know what the marrying age for women could be ? I mean, biblically.

There's no min-max age for marriage set in the Bible. Mary was likely in her early teens. We'd call that pedophelia today. This is one place where maritacl customs are definitely societal. </font>[/QUOTE]Just a thought, but isn't cultural then to say people should be in their 20's to marry? As you say in biblical days they (girls) would have been young teens. Weren't most husbands much older then that? Not sure.
Aren't these marriages actually failing becasue of sin? In that case it doesn't matter at what age people marry, because people of all ages sin.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by donnA:
... it doesn't matter at what age people marry, because people of all ages sin.

Duh, that's a no-brainer. No one's arguing otherwise. That's not significant reason to disregard statistical proof that marriages in the teens and early twenties results in a igh divorce rate. I believe the rate of marriages among teens that fail is upwards of 90%. That has more to do with being "young and stupid".

 

[NateT]

I have a question, to the people who brought up the famous biblical single people, as well as those who didn't marry until later, do you really think that was what the article was talking about?

Was the article an attempt to add one more item to a checklist so that we can see when/where we are sinning? Or was it an attempt to describe a symptom? When I read the article, I thought Dr. Mohler was talking more of a symptom than a cause. The disease being that we want to run our lives completely how we want without regards to what God would have us do. One area that this attitude can be seen is in how we approach marriage.

Maybe I'm way off base, but I'd bet that's what the intention of the comments were.

 

[Kiffin]

NateT,

Dr. Mohler may be trying to say "that we want to run our lives completely how we want without regards to what God would have us do." I am not sure. Most people I know who are in their Singles in their late 20's or in the 30-50 range and never married are not thinking as Mohler suggested "delay marriage until it is convenient".

Many Single people are depressed and made to feel inferior because they have never married and have sought a partner but have not found a mate yet. Does Dr. Mohler suggest they go to the Wife store? or the Husband store? I think many people who have been married early in life cannot relate with Christian singles in their later 20's and older and need to listen and hear from them rather than pontificating as Mohler did in his article. I think his article no matter what his motive shows he does not have a clue in understanding older Christian singles.

 

[KenH]

I guess Dr. Mohler wouldn't approve of my not getting married until I was 38 years
old.

My reason was shyness which caused me to not date much.

 

[NateT]

In his comments following Mohler’s message, Rainey added that men have become passive and women often reject God’s design for their lives. By charting their own course outside the bounds of Scripture, Christian men and women have remained in spiritual diapers, Rainey said.

“There has been some passivity among men and there has also been some women who have just decided to go off and live their lives and decide they are going to reject God’s design for who they are as women,” Rainey said. “I think today the church probably has the largest spiritual nursery that it has ever had in its history. And a spiritual nursery is believers who need to grow up.”

Interestingly, no one on this subject has anything to say about Dr. Rainey, and yet he is essentially agreeing with Dr. Mohler on this one.

“You’ve got to be urgently seeking [a spouse] as much as you would seek what God would have you do vocationally, as much as you would seek what God would have you to do in terms of your mission for life,” Mohler said.

Kiffin, I agree taht Dr. Mohler doesn't fully understand the plight of the singles (in fact, who does if they themselves have not gone through that?) But I think by the above quote, he would not be talking about your single friends. Because as you said, they sought after a mate, but they did not find a mate that was suitable. I have had friends that would qualify under the "older singles" that were married in their 30's. However, it wasn't because they wanted to stay unmarried for a while.

I think that is the difference. Like most sins, I think it comes down to the heart. Are you OPEN to marriage at an early age? Meaning if you found someone that you felt you could spend the rest of your earthly life with, would you be willing to make that commitment (whether you were 21 or 41)? If so, then it's not a sin. There is a big difference between that and the people who have it made up in their mind that they are getting married until 25, 30, 35 or until they make 45,50,75 thousand dollars a year etc.

So far, almost all the examples that have been stated to prove this statement wrong are actually the exceptions. They are teh ones where people were pursuing God's will and were looking for a mate, but hadn't found one yet. And from what I could tell, those aren't the ones Drs. Mohler and Rainey are talking about.

 

[Kiffin]

Nate,

Thanks for the reply. It should be noted that I think Mohler and Dr. Rainey are both wrong. As one who has to counsel Christians who have struggled being single and unmarried I think Mohler and Rainey are both irresponsible in their comments and that such advice could be dangerous. I emailed Dr. Mohler last night expressing this to him.

Dr. Mohler is right there are many single people that probably fit in his criteria but most of them are non Christians. Mohler's comments seem aimed at Christian singles and I think he appears almost ignorant of the dilema of Christian singles. A unmarried Christian single has a difficult time finding a mate. I have dealt with Christian singles (Never married and Divorced) and I cannot say any of them fit Dr. Mohler and Rainey's category. I actually found Mohler's comments to be completely out of touch with reality. I have dealt with older Christian singles who sometimes seem to be bordering on abandoning the faith because they are single. Mohler's comments could damage someone in that situation and that is why his comments are irresponsible. It could be because Mohler is a Seminary president and not a pastor of a Church that impairs him on this issue.

 

[NateT]

Kiffin,

I saw a parallel to what Dr. Mohler was talking about last month in my ethics class. (I am at SBTS, but don't know mohler, never met him and saw him only once). We were talking about Christian couples who dileberately wait to have kids for much of the same reasons Mohler was adressing in the marriage issue. They want to get established, they want to get to a certain point in their career, they want to get out of school etc. Well the prof in that class wasn't as bold as Mohler in calling it sin, but he alluded to that fact.

What surprised me was at a break I was talking with a couple students who took that approach. They said, well I'm X years old and we're not having any kids for at least another 5 years or something like that. These were Christian men training for the ministry and for one reason or another didn't want kids right now. I think there are Christian singles who behave that same way. I KNOW there are some who do not.

I'm NOT saying that the night of your wedding you better get pregnant or your sinning, but what I am saying is that, again, you need to be open in your marriage to having children, not just when it fits into your plan.