Hi!
My nose and lips went numb, and I sank back
into the bed as though someone was pulling
me down into it from below. Odd sensation.
All of a sudden, I could hear, but I could not see,
move, or speak. I think my eyes were closed,
because I tried to open them, but I was not
strong enough. I don't rememer if I was
breathing or not.
But I heard everything. I heard an alarm I was
hooked up to go off, then my nurse said some-
thing over a loud speaker. I don't remember
what she said, but I heard her shout, "STAT!"
A flurry of nurses suddenly surrounded me, and
one said, "Call 9-1-1!" (This was not in a hospi-
tal but an office.) I heard my nurse make the call.
In the meantime, the nurses attending me were
rubbing my arms and hands and slapping my
face a little, telling me, "Cough! Cough! Wiggle
your fingers!"
But what those poor nurses did not know was
that months earlier, I had attempted suicide
three times one day, then I realized that what I
was trying to do was wrong. I thought that our
God was giving me an honorable way out--an
honorable death! As those nurses begged me
to cought and wiggle, I was thanking my God for
death.
I laughed boistrously with joy--but no sound
came out! So I began to make my final prayers.
I prayed for each member of my immediate
family, for my mother, for my daughter's way-
ward obnoxious boyfriend, and for his parents,
then I told our God I was ready to go.
At the time, I owned a beautiful antique upright
grand piano, built in 1900. I loved that piano. I
had always told my daughter that it was hers
when I died. But as I completed my prayer, I
laughed and told our Lord, "Ha-ha! I guess
she gets the piano a little earlier than I had
planned!"
Just then, I felt like someone had placed a load
of lumber upon my chest. It did not hurt--it was
just extremely heavy. Then I felt like they had put
another down the rest of my body. I waited
patiently for the processs to finish.
But then, I felt that our Lord was speaking to me,
although I heard no voice and saw no one. He
seemed to say, "I am giving you a choice: you
can die, or you can choose to live." As I lay
there, I realized the saddness and hardship I
would bring my family. My children had lost
their father in an airplane accident, my husband
had lost a wife after surgery, my stepchildren
had lost their mother--how could I do this to
them?
For the first time in my whole life, as I lay there
dying, I wanted to live! I wanted it--badly! So
I told our Lord, "Please let me live." I seemed to
hear Him tell me, "Then do what they are telling
you to do, and you will."
I tried to cough, but I could not--at first. Then a
little cough came out, then another, then I was
fully back but weak.
Funny--when I got home, I immediately called
my daughter, told her what happened, and told
her to make arrangements to come get her piano!
8o)