"Attack of the flirt"

[Michael]

Yikes! Like it's not bad enough for us guys out in the world trying to stay pure...we dont't need it in church too!!! There's this girl, actually two girls in church who do all they can do to get my attention. They are known for that kind of behavior though... the problem is this: I'm trying to stay pure...trying to stay on track. I have not had a hard time ignorning them at all...to be perfectly honest, they make me sick. why?...well, because there's this other girl...she is on track for God, she wants to do what is right and she is definately not a flirt...so in comparison...(what am I saying) THERE IS NO COMPARISON!!! It's like comparing light to darkness, pizza to peanut butter and jelly, a cadillac to a station wagon...
If there are any girls reading this, just know this: Guys who want to serve the Lord don't look for the flirts..they look for the girls who have standards and take life seriously... They are precious gems in the sight of God and there future husband.

Michael

 

[Candi016]

Hey there

I know what your saying. I have some crazy girls in my youth group too. But if they bother you alot I would try talking to the youth pastor about it privately. But theyll probably get bored of you soon and leave you alone if you ignore them, like most flirts do. flirts dont stick to one person
But I mean if its harmless flirting, it should be flattering, no? lol
but Im not really a flirt myself so take my words for a grain of salt

 

[Kayla]

I try not to be. I don't think I am but, it sounds like these girls don't know much about being in God's word. Maybe you should show them the love of Christ.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

I have not had a hard time ignorning them at all...to be perfectly honest, they make me sick. why?...well, because there's this other girl...she is on track for God, she wants to do what is right and she is definately not a flirt...so in comparison...(what am I saying) THERE IS NO COMPARISON!!!

Sorry to say this Micheal, but it sounds almost as if you are trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. If their behavior truly bothers you then confront them about it? How old are they? Do they have parents that attend the church as well? If they are "under age" then why not tell their parents that you are sick of it? Are they attractive? This is not a stupid question. If you are even remotely attracted to them (think they're pretty/cute) there is no harm in admitting to yourself that you may seem drawn to them. If you don't then I'd be seriously headed to the doctor to see whats the matter. Of course if they are unappealing to you then just let them down and forget about it. Every Christian is human and subject to the impulses that are genetically engineered to insure the survival of our species (i.e. procreation).The desire to have sex does not automatically turn itself on and off contingent on our marital status. When we act on those desires outside of marriage is when we fall into sin. When a person of any mature (puberty and above) age expresses a desire to pursue a relationship with you entailing more than that of normal friendship, they are giving you signals that they are open to the possibility that you could become a viable sexual partner. Wether of not you agree to pursue the matter with them depends on your attractiveness toward them and how well they meet your preconcieved ideas of what consitutes a good partner.
They may not be the wholesome person you so desire but you might find that still entertain some thoughts about them. Don't persecute yourself over it. Males unilaterally in our culture do have a cetain attrativeness toward flirts - its our sexual makeup. But realize that you are not entirely governed by those impulses and God gave you other cognitive abilities enabling you to reason and control the situation. In the end you are the one that makes the decision. If you want the godly girl - then go for her. Personally I would be flattered that a couple of girls held me in such high esteem. Hey someday in the not so distant future you might welcome any such advances. Circumstances in our lives can change on a dime.

 

[UnashamedYouth]

I flirt once in a while with guys my age... we're friends

as long as you don't go so far as to make out in the backseat of the car I see it as rather harmless

 

[TeenforChrist]

Originally posted by Candi016:
Hey there

I know what your saying. I have some crazy girls in my youth group too. But if they bother you alot I would try talking to the youth pastor about it privately. But theyll probably get bored of you soon and leave you alone if you ignore them, like most flirts do. flirts dont stick to one person
But I mean if its harmless flirting, it should be flattering, no? lol
but Im not really a flirt myself so take my words for a grain of salt

I know what your saying too!

Their are a lot of girls in my youth group that are flirts , but me on the other hand is usually very quiet

. They are annoying, so this makes me want to not act like them even more. I want to keep the lord the center of my life. Nothing else.Well, you can look at the book's of Proverbs and Song of Songs. To see how a man and a woman in the bible act. I think you should show the girl's, that flirt with you, these books of the Bible. Let God do the rest. Another good thing is to pray for them.

I'll be praying for you.

TFC

 

[TeenforChrist]

Hey also have you ever heard of the true love waits commitment. It's a commitment to God,yourself,your family,your future mate, and future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day you enter a biblical marriage relationship. You can make this commitment at Truelovewaits.com. You can also buy a True Love Waits ring and the day you get married
you give this ring to your spouse. And then you get your wedding ring in the place of you True Love Waits ring. Some people in my youth group have made the commitment and have the ring. One of them is me.

TFC

 

[Michael]

Hey thanks guys for the great replies...

Oh, Xingi warrior...uh, I think you made some great points there... You're definately on the money when you said that I should confront them. (the flirts) I know I should have...especially the one who can't seem to keep her hands off me. Walking by, casually putting her hand on my back... little things like that are really starting to annoy me.
"the girl" that I spoke of before...the one who wants to stay on track and who is an example to all the girls at my church...approached one of the flirts on my behalf. (keep in mind...I had no idea she was going to do this...) It made me feel good though that she stood up for me and was ready to go to combat for me... Let me also say that I felt like an extreme dope for letting the flirt get away with flirting in the first place, then not approaching her myself...ah...what a dope!
oh well, life is full of lessons..these are just some of them.

Michael

 

[MissAbbyIFBaptist]

I had a guy who did his best to drive me insane once. It seemed like were ever i went he somehow turned up. I mean literaly, I'd turn around and he'd be RIGHT behind me! Very unnerving and annoying. I ignored it for awhile, but one day he came up behind me and put his arms around me......BIG mistake! As calmly as I could manage {you talk about boiling mad! I was beyond that!} I told him if he did not take his hands off of me right that instant, I would knock him a good one upside the head....he didn't listen, and uh to make a long story short, I followed through with what I promised....needless to say he never tried that again. {some of you might think I was rude, but there are just some things I will not stand for.}
Now I surely don't suggest you do what I did cause you could get into a lot of trouble, but I would suggest you firmly make it clear you want them to stop.
I'm sure they don't mean anything by it, and they'll probably eventualy quit, but these gals need to realize they aren't behaving in a godly way. You're uncomfortable about it, and rightly so, and they have no right to make you feel that way. Talk to your pastor, youth leader, the girls, or their parents, but I'd definatly talk to someone about it.
Basicaly it seems like they need to grow up, and study parts of the Bible talking about godly ladies.
You're right about the ones who have standards and serving God are gems in God's sight. I've met quite a few girls like this, and they are an absolute blessing!
~Miss Abby
Proverbs 31:30

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

I'm sure they don't mean anything by it, and they'll probably eventualy quit, but these gals need to realize they aren't behaving in a godly way.

He really didn't go into much detail as to what the specific behaviors were so I wouldn't rush to characterize it as ungodly. Immature? Maybe, but lack of tact does not in itself constitute sin. Honestly in any relationship (heterosexual) that has potential there is eventually going to be a point where one of the two is going to begin to signal to the other one that he/she is experiencing sexual arousal by the actions or presence of said individual. To what degree these signals are depends on the individual and his or her inhibitions and moral guidelines. If I were in a long term relationship with anyone who was not giving me any feedback on this issue, even if it was just talking about it, then I would seriously have to start thinking about the implications of such prudish behavior and to how it would manifest itself after we were committed to each other. Usually such behaviors worsen with martimonial contracts and a marriage without healthy sex is an unhealthy marriage. I have sat in services where a preacher said "It's not the first look at someone thats a sin...it's the second look that is!" Ironically we are, all of us, here today chatting on this forum because someone, somewhere, at some point decided to take a second look.

 

[eagleswings0408]

Great topic Mike!! hehehe.

 

[Michael]

Thanks...

 

[dianetavegia]

Unfortunately, Michael, this is not just a 'teen' thing. I've seen a woman in a previous church flirt with every man who came through the door, including the preacher. Flirting is dangerous and in many cases sinful!

Our 26 year old son is shy and doesn't chase the girls.... so they seem to chase him MORE. Maybe it's the 'want what you can't have' mentality but all I can suggest is that you pray and keep your eyes on Jesus!

Diane

 

[UnashamedYouth]

could it be they just want to show you're a part of the group? My friends(both girls and guys) always do buddy hugs(as long as we're basically the same height) sure I may have a crush on one at some point in time that that's not why I'm doing it... in most cases I see these people as the siblings I never had. As an only child I look to David, Josh, John, Derek, John(we have 5 in our church 3 in our youth group), Sean, and the others as brothers...

It could be just that... I'd ask them why it's important for them to be touchy feely... but be nice... don't dash a girls' hope

 

[eagleswings0408]

I don't believe that he is "dashing their hope." In fact, the girls that flirt with him, flirt with ALL the guys. They just need to be talked to. I don't necesarily think that he should talk to them directly. I think that myabe some of the girls who notice should talk to them and try to help them. Guys struggle with lusting and stuff and girls need to help them by not tempting and flirting with them. That doesn't mean not being friendly, but not "OVERLY" friendly. I'm sure everyone knows what I mean. I know Michael very well and I don't think he wants girls to flirt with him. I'm not sure exactly if he struggles with girls flirting with him, but if he does, he needs to get that right with God. I used to struggle with flirting myself and having someone point that out to you that you are flirting really does get you thinking. Now, I believe, I am a lot better at not flirting. I have realized that it just hurts guys and gets them to sin.

I hope I have some what proved a point that flirting DOES hurt. Being friendly is great, but being TOO friedly is BAD.

Hey girls out there, help the guys! And guys... you flirt too! It's not just the girls. I can promise you that. But we don't have it as bad as you. So.... yea!

 

[dianetavegia]

I have realized that it just hurts guys and gets them to sin. I hope I have some what proved a point that flirting DOES hurt. Being friendly is great, but being TOO friedly is BAD.

You are wise beyond your years!

Diane

 

[UnashamedYouth]

I think flirting is a relative term... it's way too vague... what I see as flirtation someone else sees "being friendly"

seduction is wrong... that I agree with... but flirting can be harmless...

and saying that guys don't "have it as bad as girls" is just a stupid statement... most guys are just AS BAD as girls are when it comes to flirting. A lot of the time they can be worse

 

[Michael]

Originally posted by eagleswings0408:
[QB] Now, I believe, I am a lot better at not flirting.

Let me say this...she is definately not a flirt. And girls, listen to this, guys respect her a lot more than the flirts because of the type of girl she is. She is the kind of girl that proverbs 31 speaks of..."Who can find a virtuos woman? For her price is far above rubies." Priceless!!! Guys all know that a girls who flirt with anyone are worth a dime a dozen... But the girl who dares to stand a lone seeking only to glorify God, keeping herself pure is worth infinately more...at least to me.

Michael

 

[Justified]

Being the father of a fornicating daughter, she grieves a parent’s heart to see such things going on, and how most boys/men are helpless, in most cases to ward off such attacks.

The over whelming consequences of such actions are in most cases irreversible and can and will cause hard feeling, confrontations, and even church splits.

 

[TeenforChrist]

Originally posted by Michael:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by eagleswings0408:
[QB] Now, I believe, I am a lot better at not flirting.

Let me say this...she is definately not a flirt. And girls, listen to this, guys respect her a lot more than the flirts because of the type of girl she is. She is the kind of girl that proverbs 31 speaks of..."Who can find a virtuos woman? For her price is far above rubies." Priceless!!! Guys all know that a girls who flirt with anyone are worth a dime a dozen... But the girl who dares to stand a lone seeking only to glorify God, keeping herself pure is worth infinately more...at least to me.

Michael </font>[/QUOTE]That's a great way to put it!

That's what I learned at Centrifuge(hey teens
this is a great camp to go to).
I took a "For Girls Only" class and they
used that verse. They also used Song of Songs.
These books of the bible are great to use if you want to stay pure! God's opening my eyes and showing me how to stay pure.Also to be on fire for him and him alone. Material thing's will pass away,but I know one thing that will be with me forever! The only one(Jesus) who died for the
sin of the world. I'm very thankful for that.
I hope and pray that you all are too.


TFC