My wife and I have been hurt by congregations and church members on several occasions. Some things come with the turf -- when you deal with people (we're all sinners!) you get to deal with messy stuff -- but some things were very intentional on the part of the church members. In the spirit of abcgrad, I'll not share the nitty-gritty details, but in more general terms lay out a few things that have happened to us.
We had an auction to sell off the bulk of our possessions when called into ministry and seminary. Members were running up to us overjoyed at being able to buy these "great things" for only $2.00. We ended up flat broke within the first month of arriving in a new city, far from family. No aid of any sort was ever forthcoming from that church.
I took a church, and one of the things that was said in the pastoral search interview was that "the church really wants to grow and reach the community." That was an outright lie. The last new member was added to that church about 30 years before we arrived, but we were held accountable for their lack of willingness to actually DO the things required to add new members. We were eventually driven from that church for asking the members to actively evangelize. I did have to clean out and repair the baptistery in order to use it -- it had been turned into storage. Six were added through conversion and baptism, but ran out of the church "because they might vote to make changes." The word we heard through the back door was that "Pastor is trying to add new members so he can get his way..."
In another church, we were called to a "desert fellowship" one evening at a member's home. We were bombarded. Turns out we were the main course... This uprising was led by a new family in the church who, as it turns out, had wrecked several churches before landing at ours. They were very good at what they did -- making their practice sound very biblical -- but God does not bring destruction and death, He brings love, relationship, and life. We were accused of everything from stealing the church's money to child abuse. (One funny story that came from that meeting... One member in particular stated that she always gave in cash, "so the right hand would not know what the left hand was doing..." She accused us of stealing her cash offerings because there was no way to track them. Only problem is that she typed the bulletins and part of what was recorded each week was the offering amount, including the unspecified cash, which was rarely ever more than $10 or so. Her husband also was one of the deacons who counted the money. She implicated herself.) We eventually left this congregation, and the doors of the church closed about 2 years later. Turns out that my wife and I were supporting over 1/3 of the total budget including the entire youth department.
In another church, we were accused of failure to respond to those members who were sick, in the hospital, etc., especially the daughter of one of the deacons who we believe lived a miracle cure for incurable cancer of the pancreas. One time in 5 years of faithful service, we were on a mission trip, and during that trip one husband of a member (he was not saved, nor a member) got sick and died before we could return. The deacon who headed up the board of inquiry that presented the "vote of confidence" was angered that HE had to go to this man and try to lead him to Christ before he died (he failed). When this same deacon accused us of not visiting his daughter, I was shocked and hurt to my core. I had spent weeks and months sitting by her side, praying with her, and celebrating her victory over what is a 100% fatal form of cancer! Turns out that he and the other prime family of that church had a plan to disburse the members, sell the property, and divide up the proceeds, and that is the real reason we had to go...
There have been multiple other issues -- most smaller than those and reflect the list given above. We hardly count that sort of stuff... It is part of the job -- often thankless -- but to which we are called.
We're not currently leading a congregation. Needed some time to heal up so I would not come into a new congregation bitter and shooting from the hip.
