Bad Advice Only

Develop faster-than-light hyper drive, buy an old Titan III missile from the USAF, build a capsule that will carry you and a couple weeks supplies, plus a television and old VCR. Launch, outrun the radio signals, and then intercept all the shows you want and record them before safely returning home.

Dog is worthless chasing the rabbit that likes to try to nibble on our lettuce out of the yard ...

 

Bad advice????

 

That was the "request" ... Salty answered it. Try to keep up. I've got another one hanging out there. :laugh:

 

Buy a Chinese Pug...it'll help the rabbit eat the lettuce and when the lettuce is gone, so will be the rabbit....


Hoe handle broke....

 

Go spend $1,400 on a garden tiller, then another $1,000 jacking it up off the ground to accept custom-built weeding attachments.

Carpenters on new model home can't seem to put a wall in the right place ...

 

Go hire some republican carpenters....they're always on the right....


Can't find weeding attacment for that $2,400 tiller.....

 

Look on yp.com for machine shops, interview owners until you find a design engineer and tell him you'll pay whatever it costs to get those attachments designed and manufactured.

Interviewed a bunch of carpenters, but all of them are Libertarian ...

 

Go to the Mexican border, hire the first three named "Jose"....when they mess up, show them their error, and ask them this, "Jose' can't you see....."


Carpenters I hired are wicked, and when I confronted them, they wouldn't carpent of their evil deeds. Now what?

 

Preach the Carpel. Use x-rays where necessary.

Bank wants to raise the cost of a construction loan to 3/4 of a point. I like it at a half where it's been for six years.

 

Have a 'Solomon moment'. While it's running, take a sword and cut it in half...that way both have half a fan....


Foot's itching....

 

Use the steel bristled grill brush. The itch won't ever come back.

Client with a porn problem was leaving and a Penthouse fell out the pocket of his car door as he got in ...

 

Use the offending material to start a camp fire.


Gout

 

Is that what happens when your miffed spouse looks at you and say g'out?

If it's in your foot cut it off. If it's in your wrist or anyother joint, drink some cyanide....


Outboard motor won't start...

 

Row, row, row your boat ...

Come to think of it, replace every vehicle, electrical and mechanical appliance and tool you have ... They all seem to be wearing out.
Get an unlimited Home Depot credit card to cover the expense.

Double-mowed, fertilized and "anti-grubbed" the yard, adjusted the sprinkler system heads over the weekend. Now too tired to check on subcontractors or deal with clients today ...

 

Where I came from, we have a one word phrase....TOUGH....but if you're a wimp, find the guy who had the Penthouse mag you "found".....give it back to him. He can then take it over to the site and beat them with it. How that solves your problem, I have not a clue. This is a thread for bad advice, and believe me, what I gave you was truly bad advice.

If you don't like it...TOUGH...I'm not Dr. Phil....

Kite won't fly, even in 30 MPH winds....

 

Trash it. Take flying lessons.

Have a friend who seems to think "tough" overcomes "tired" in all occasions and occurrences.

 

First off, where' d this "friend" stuff come from?? LOL...

Get some milkbones, toss them before some pit bulls and try to take them back. This'll toughen you up...


Pug just got up from her nap....

 

You've got a lot of nerve describing "tough" when you own a pug. Get out the Q-Tips and alcohol, you probably haven't cleaned out her wrinkles lately ... :laugh:

Heat index is 105 in good ole' Overland Park. Roofing crew left one house at noon, framers a half hour later from across the street ...