Bad Advice Only

[Palatka51]

Taxing the American people into the stone age.


How does one break the 24 DVD addiction?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Smoke an 8 track.

How do you say "no" to someone you like?

 

[Enoch]

You move to Bora Bora and open a Starbucks.


How do you nonchalantly remove the spit off your bottom lip that someone sprayed you with while talking?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Quickly spray it with lysol.

How do you stop when your brakes have gone out?

 

[Ed Edwards]

Have your passenger get on the hood & act like a NUT.
Squirrels will be attracted. With a bit of good fortune, enough
Stupid Squirrels will get smashed under the wheels that your car
will stop.

How do i figure out what to put next? People are waiting for
me to really be profound, so nothing plain or ordinary will 'work'.

 

[Magnetic Poles]

Use a magic 8 ball.

How do you make Bud wiser?

 

[tinytim]

Get Bud's sister Bubba to smack him over the head with one of Ed's car-stopping squirrels....

How do I prove the sky is not blue?

 

[SBCPreacher]

Spray paint!! A lot of spray paint!!


How do I get my wife's van to run smooth?

 

[tinytim]

Don't let her drive!!! YOU drive it!

How do I get more money?

 

[SBCPreacher]

Play the lottery!! Everybody wins!!


How can I REALLY get more money??

 

[tinytim]

Quit your job and plead your case to Obama...


How do I get rid of warts?

 

[Magnetic Poles]

Dip 'em in gasoline and light with a match.

What is the best way to give a cat a bath?

 

[Bro. Curtis]

Bring him in the tub with you.

How do I go from 0 to 60 mph the fastest ?

 

[abcgrad94]

Put weights on your shoes.

What's the best way to diet?

 

[SBCPreacher]

Have your lips stapled shut.


How can I make everyone in my church love me??

 

[padredurand]

Have your lips stapled shut.


How can I make everyone in my church love me??

Resign. :laugh:

How do I convince my MIL that I am allergic to her?

 

[SBCPreacher]

Resign. :laugh:

Now that's just too funny to let it go!

 

[abcgrad94]

Resign. :laugh:

How do I convince my MIL that I am allergic to her?

Using pink nailpolish, paint hives all over your body.

How do I get people to stop tailgating me?

 

[tinytim]

Get out and whomp them with your rollingpin

Now how do I remove pink fingernail polish that looks like hives?

 

[abcgrad94]

Scrape briskly with brillo pad and de-greaser.

How do I get the kids' handprints off the walls?