Bad Situations

I actually really do know what you mean, but sometimes we can open ourselves us to being too susceptible to gossip.

The people at my church know my character. Even if I were alone with a single guy, (or, I guess a married guy, though I don't usually allow myself to get in "unobservable" private situations with married men), I still would be careful about how I felt I was presented with a single guy, mainly because I do not want people to assume we are dating, unless we are or I have some bided interest in the guy If I heard that they were trying to make issue of this, it would be like ugly on my sister's dog. I would be on their gossip in a minute.

 

Brother, I understand you. we just have to be sensitive to potential situations and try to limit the liabilities.

 

My rules are: I never make unscheduled pastoral visits unless it's an emergency or another person is with me. If I am requested for an emergency and find no one else is at home, I bolt - literally. We go to the front porch and talk or we don't do anything at all and I'm in my car doing a wheelie out of the driveway. If they don't understand, then it was a problem from the get-go. If someone comes by, my office door stays open and I open the blinds to the floor to ceiling windows that comprise the hall-side wall of my office, or I walk to the waiting area where two chairs are positioned in wide open space but private enough to talk.

I've found it very helpful to tell the person that it's for their protection as well as mine. They get gossipped about, too, if anything is said.

And you can't just worry about the women if you're a man, and vice-versa. I've known more than one occasion where a pastor was inappropriately approached by a person of the same sex in a visit or counseling session.

One cannot be too careful. Just an insinuation can cost a pastor his reputation and his church before he ever knew what hit him.

[ September 16, 2003, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: TomVols ]

 

A young minister was asked by a loving mother to please visit her wayward daughter. She was a prostitute in the Soho district of London, England.

The pastor, wanting to serve both his God and the people, went to Soho to visit this wanton lady of the streets.

He did nothing inappropriate. Someone saw him entering the home and this was reported back to his church. This young minister's service in the Lord was almost halted before it got started. The man: G. Campbell Morgan of Westminster Chapel, London. Do you remember him and his some 70-80 books read by all ages?

We cannot be too careful as ministers. We must always be on our guard for the enemy who would have us in.

There are times when one must interview husbands and wives separately whilst in counsel. In such situations, I always had the opposite spouse wait just outside the door, with window in full view of where they sat. In other situations, I counselled in the open sanctuary,me in one pew and them in the next...There is something to be said for the Catholic confessional.

Cheers, and God bless,

Jim

 

When I was the manager in a large business we had an office that was all glass. Anyone could see who was in the office and what was going on. We could talk in confidence because nobody could hear what was being said.

I thnk it should be the same way in church offices.

 

I totally understand what you pastors are saying and why but I also have a concern about this.

I have heard my pastor say on many occassions that he and his wife are always available if anyone needs to speak to him. I am thankful for that but also am concerned that if I was having a problem would I want a second person to know my business.

I kind of think of my pastor like I do my doctor. I feel confortable enough to tell my doctor almost anything but at the same time if it's something I don't want others to know I will say " now don't write that in my chart".

Isn't there some place where a pastor and female member can talk or be counseled that would be acceptable not only to him but also to her? Thank You MK

 

Is there anyplace on earth where gossip will not travel? Is there anyplace on earth where malicious rumours cannot expand? I am afraid there is no place, alone.

I value my Lord and my wife too much to allow a rumour to bring question into my life.

Cheers,

Jim

 

I agree with MaryKay in that privacy is a great concern and is important to many members. This is why when I counsel a woman I usually have a lady, secretary or my wife, in the Church but not directly in my office. They are just close enough to where they cannot hear everything but can look in or be close enough to be able to testify that nothing bad or unorthodox is going on.