Become a church member or not?

[abcgrad94]

There is a problem with a wife that joins a church without their husband. There seems to be more to this situation than is being told here on this board. When a husband and wife are so divided over what church to join then there are some serious issues going on. There is definitely a lack of leadership in the home.

From what I gathered, this was the wife's church already, then they got married and he has yet to join.

 

[Salty]

From what I gathered, this was the wife's church already, then they got married and he has yet to join.

I believe you are correct - other than that, RevMitchell is correct.

I wonder if they had some Christian pre-marital counseling - and if church membership came up?

 

[Winman]

Why do you seek top cause division in my marriage? We both have agreed to disagree on this one.

What do I have to do with your marriage?

You are the one who has volunteered information that your wife LOVES this church that is against drinking. You are the one who has repeatedly told us how you like to drink Mike's Hard Lemonade. If you don't want folks asking questions about your personal life, then don't offer personal information.

I just think it is odd for a couple to have different beliefs about alcohol.

 

[Yeshua1]

There is a problem with a wife that joins a church without their husband. There seems to be more to this situation than is being told here on this board. When a husband and wife are so divided over what church to join then there are some serious issues going on. There is definitely a lack of leadership in the home.

My wife and I experience something like this over a decade ago, as I had left Pentacostal circles, but she was still in them when we dated and got married..

MUCH prayer to the Lord to work it out, as we both attended same church, but I could not fully agree ith Charasmatic teachings, but after about 2 years, that church split/divided asunder due to new pastor coming in and making a power grab, so the Lord moved us both into Baptist circles then!

 

[TadQueasy]

So this woman is now his wife? She has been described as both fiance and wife at different times. Hard to keep up.

 

[evangelist6589]

Please elaborate. What is that made them rude?

Ignoring me, not speaking, being unfriendly, and this is as a guest and new attender.

 

[evangelist6589]

Evangelist, there comes a time when you must decide what is a hill worth dying on, and what is a molehill not worth tripping over. I think Baptists, especially, want to make every molehill a mountain. We think we should agree on every single minute detail of the faith, and separate over silly, inconsequential opinions.

You will NOT find a church that you agree with 100% so stop trying. Is it the BELIEF you just have a problem with, or the PRACTICE? What I mean by that is, if you join this church, will you have to change your behavior drastically? If you're visiting the bars every weekend or guzzling booze, then yes, this could be a problem and a stumblingblock to others in the church. If you only drink an occasional glass of wine at dinner in your own home, what's the problem? Does the church dictate you cannot do that?

I think your bigger issue is that you are a Calvinist and need to find a Calvinist church. Please do not attend a non-Calvinist church and try to change them. This causes much division and bad feelings and harm. Find a church that you agree with doctrinaly on that subject.

Thank you brother. I have an occasional drink, but only on rare occasion. I do not go to bars or anything. But apparently even this is enough to get me axed as a member. Yes I am Reformed and am in a non reformed church. However the problem is that my wife is madly in love with the church and won't leave so I have a problem. But yes I'd agree in the past I have been more satisfied in Calvinist churches. For example.

Last Christmas I was asked to preach in the nursing home ministry of a certain Reformed Baptist Church. After the sermon I was applauded and appreciated by members. But also my parching made an impact as I had seniors ask questions, and strive to argue. They did so because the use of the 10 commandments had done its work and they were CONVICTED.

I also got to preach in the nursing home ministry of another non Reformed church. I preached on a similar message, and I was completely ignored... Several females told me that I had no right to preach the way I did, and was not encouraging... I preached on a message that outlined Hell, Easy-Believism, and the like. The Reformed church liked this, but the other church despised it, because I was not being "seeker-friendly."

In their world one was to preach on "positive things" never mention Hell, never mention true and false conversions, the use of the 10 commandments in evangelism, and in effect many seniors will go to hell thinking they are saved when they are lost....

 

[evangelist6589]

From what I gathered, this was the wife's church already, then they got married and he has yet to join.

They are not preaching false doctrine of any sort and so I have not made an issue of the church. I do not prefer a non calvinist church, but I can't leave on that issue alone. I'd prefer to go elsewhere, but I can't force it.

 

[evangelist6589]

My wife and I experience something like this over a decade ago, as I had left Pentacostal circles, but she was still in them when we dated and got married..

MUCH prayer to the Lord to work it out, as we both attended same church, but I could not fully agree ith Charasmatic teachings, but after about 2 years, that church split/divided asunder due to new pastor coming in and making a power grab, so the Lord moved us both into Baptist circles then!

You have given great advice. I have not prayed much about it and need too. I would never have married a Charismatic, or KJVO type and believe me I had some of the contact me on the dating sites before I got married. One girl we clicked real well and she wanted me to move up to her state and she offered housing on her parents ranch. However she was problematic in her doctrine and was a fan of the false teacher Brian McLarren. I had a REAL problem with this and moved on to other females.

Another KJVO female liked me as well and thought we'd make a perfect couple. However once I told her that I read from the NIV & ESV she ditched me in a heartbeat! I could not lead children and was a bad influence!

 

[abcgrad94]

Thank you brother.

Evangelist..................for the THIRD TIME.............I'm a SISTER, not a BROTHER!!! See, I even changed my avatar to the pretty little PINK BIRDIE just so there would be no doubts about it again. If you keep calling me "brother," I'll be tempted to get out my rolling pin and use it on you.

Now, as your bossy sister-in-Christ, my advice to you is to get off the computer, spend some time in prayer and ask God to help you be the loving leader of your home. Then pray with your new wife about the church situation. Just explain that you aren't comfortable and y'all need to pray about where God wants you to attend, because as a married couple you must be united on what church you attend.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

I don't know what has me scratching my head more: looking for a church based on their stand on alcohol consumption or having your wife determine what church you attend.

Ya beat me to it.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Ignoring me, not speaking, being unfriendly, and this is as a guest and new attender.

Thats not Christian behavior...has nothing to do with being Calvinistic.

 

[Salty]

I don't know what has me scratching my head more: looking for a church based on their stand on alcohol consumption or having your wife determine what church you attend.

Evangelist,
What is your wifes stand on Eph 5:22?
Where do you stand on I Cor 8:13

 

[JonC]

First, let me say that I am not against the consumption of alcoholic beverages in moderation, if it is not against the conscience of the believer and this is the only factor involved. I am perhaps against Mike’s Hard Lemonade as it doesn’t sound appealing (if it's for the taste, I'd just drink lemonade).

The issue is not the exercise of Christian liberty - instead it is the exercise of Christian responsibility. If my wife believes that drinking is a sin, and I occasionally enjoy a Mike’s Hard Lemonade in accord with my conscience as an exercise of my “Christian liberty,” then there is an issue. It is an act of Christian irresponsibility. While my wife may agree to disagree, it remains that she believes I am continuing in sin. She will not be able to fully view me as a godly husband. I have, in this regard, placed my fleshly desires above the love of my wife. I guess the question you should ask is whether or not it is better to forgo a drink if by doing so you glorify God towards your “weaker” brethren and present a testimony of love towards your wife, or if the taste of the beverage is worth the division in belief that spurred this thread.

There is a matter of conscience, for everyone will give an account of himself to God. We have liberty in Christ. But this is not a liberty without responsibility. If my exercise of Christian liberty causes a brother grief, then I am not walking according to love - instead I am allowing what is for me a good thing to be spoken of as evil (Romans 14:15-17). We should not allow our liberty to somehow become a stumbling block to the weak or tempt a brother to sin by acting against his conscience. It would be better to refrain from exercising this liberty (1 Corinthians 8:9-13).

The bottom line is that we were called to freedom, but not to turn our freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love to serve one another (Galatians 5:13).