Before you join the church

previously posted...

at our church, our "constitution," by-laws, and such are made available to anyone from day one. we want visitors to know up front what is expected from them, and in return, what they can expect from us, should they decide to join us at some future date.

Kenneth

 

I have a question pertaining to church membership. I have been attending a SBC and really praying about whether I should officially join. I had only one reservation- my daughter and I go without my husband because he is not religious. I joined a bible study group and met a lot of church members. I felt really excited about joining this particular church. Well, Sunday I filled out the questionnaire and wrote that I would like to join this church. Afetr the service I told the pastor about my decision and he said that someone would call me this week. Well, no one has contacted me so far. When I spoke to the pastor he seemed caught off-guard, maybe I was feeling insecure, but now I am unsure of what to do. If I pursue this I don't want to become part of a church that doesn't want me. Could it be because I don't have my own income but rely on my husband's so I cannot give as much as other families? Should I just wait to see if he says anything on Sunday? I made a few friends during the bible study, so I don't think anyone would object to my joining...hate to make this into a drama, but I'm not sure of what to think...any ideas?

 

If I was that man, I would be overjoyed at your honesty and tact.

I visited a church months ago. I liked it very much and I wanted to get very involved there. But as much as I tried, I did not fit in. At first I wanted to be offended. Then I stepped back and meditated on the situation. I finally came to the conclusion that the pastor and staff there were somewhat in "over their heads". I mean that the group did not really have room for a new member (like me). When I came to this conclusion, I found much peace, compassion and I was no longer tempted to be offended.

Sometimes groups want to grow, but they are already over-grown. They don't realize how they come across. Sometimes they can appear to say without words: We want you here, but we really don't need you. Churches can be more honest if they tried. Folks would give them a much better report if there was more honesty.

I want to go back just to visit the many fine folks there.

Dave

 

Moira

From personal experience...

I would sit tight for a while and just do some more observing.....keep going to your bible study, meet more people and really watch and listen. Get to know some of the other "new" people at the church, especially the "spiritually single" ones like yourself, see how they are fitting in....I just came out of a very similar experience that turned out to be very painful and I unfortunately did turn it into a drama. If someone had told me 3 years ago before I joined the church what my life with that church would be like today I would never never have joined. I was just voted out of membership this week (at my request) and am looking for a new church. I would like to PM you later (very busy time right now) about this, and about another thread as well. Just sit tight.....

Renee

 

David Mark

I wish I'd had the maturity to look at my situation the way you did....unfortunately I was so "needy" when I started at my church that it just made me feel even worse.....I'm doing better, although I can probably count on one hand the people at that church that I would really want to see again....one of them being my mother.

 

ralb,

I fully understand.

Dave

 

Moira3, I was going to pm you about this but once I thought about it there was really nothing that personal that I wouldn't want someone else to read......

Have you really thought about what you are looking for in your relationship with your church? Do you truly believe that this church has what you are looking for AND that they are willing to share in that with you (give AND take)? At my old church I saw all sorts of smiling faces and seemingly close relationships but I always felt, no matter how hard I tried, that I was an intruder there.

Quoting David Mark...

"Sometimes they can appear to say without words: We want you here, but we really don't need you." I could not have said it better myself. That is exactly what happened to me, and I really needed to be needed when I joined my church. It was a very hurtful experience, I left there feeling as if my daughter and I were expendable. 1 Corinthians 12 says we are not expendable but we were to them. But someday soon I hope we will find a place where we are needed, and would be missed if we were not there. I know for a fact that we are not missed at our old church.

 

Thank you for all of your thoughtful replies. I was very surprised that I did not receive a call this week. This church is very much where I have felt comfortabe. I have met a lot of people who have been nothing if not welcoming. The pastor has always been very kind and friendly to me. He is the type who remembers everyone's name and makes everyone feel welcome. He has a good sense of humor during his sermons and admits his own faults, rather than appearing superior. I think I will see if I am approached on Sunday. If not, I will have to ask about my membership. I will not stay there if I am not needed. I just could not be more surprised. It usually takes me along time to feel comfortable somewhere, and I did not feel like this here. Well, I'm rambling, so I will update you on Sunday. Thanks again!

 

You're not rambling....and please don't let my experience discourage you....just wanted to share some things that seemed similar to what you shared....take care!!

 

There could be many reasons why you were not contacted and they have nothing to do with you personally. The pastor may be busy with unexpected responsibilities (sick members, etc.). Maybe your information was not given to the proper person.

Does this church have an invitation time during the service where a person can join the church?

Our church has such an invitation. A person comes forward tells the pastor that he/she wants to join the church. Then they are teamed with a counselor. The counselor introduces the person to the church and the church votes.

Perhaps the pastor did not realize that you are ready to join the church...that you just wanted more informtion about joining the church. Just a thought.

 

Well, I did tell the pastor personally that I had filled out the form and checked the "Yes, I want to join this church" portion. He may be busy. I just got a strange vibe from him. Normally he's very friendly, like the rest of the church members, so maybe it's just me. That could very possibly be the case. Anyway, I will find out for sure on Sunday...thanks again!

 

One thing that we tried to consider when we joined the church that we are at now is to see the church in the good and the bad. What I mean is are they faithful? Do they back their Pastor? Also it may seem like the right church when things are going good but then after you join boom the preacher starts preaching hard and you didn't realize that or people start talking about other people. Honestly no church is perfect but I do think you need to go long enough to get the feel of the place before you join.

 

Exactly. I think that's why I waited so long before I made my profession of faith and got baptized. I first went to my church on October 1st, got saved October 2nd, but didn't let the church know publically until December 14th, and was baptized December 17th. It wasn't that I doubted the church- I knew I loved it, but I just wanted to make SURE that this was the right decision in my heart and mind, and it truly was and is.

 

I've been attending this church for a year now. I really thought long and hard about joining. I waited a bit before getting involved in bible study, but that was about 4 months ago. I don't take this lightly, and I still intend to speak with the pastor on Sunday about my decision someone does not say anything before then.

 

Betty mentioned the altar call time. We have that also. Does this church?

This is an extremely busy time of the year for churches. Our youth pastor told me he and his wife had 3 parties to attend in ONE night!

Also, I get the 'visitor cards' that come in each week and cannot tell you how many times they get lost. One of our secretary's called me about a month ago saying a 'big handful' of cards had disappeared. She thought they might have been accidentally thrown out.

One final thought... a couple joined our church about 2 months ago. Even the pastor was shocked. They'd been attending for about a year and were so active that everyone thought they were already members!

Diane

 

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but if I had not personally discussed this with the pastor I would think that he did not know of my intention. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and mention it again to him on Sunday. If I am not welcomed to join the church, then I will have to find out why. It would not make any sense to me. But thank you all for your insight.

 

Well, two people from church contacted me yesterday about things other than joining, and from what they have told me the deacons dropped the ball by not contacting me. I am so relieved. I was assured that there is no problem with joining. Today I won't feel so nervous about going to service. Now, if they call me up in front of the entire congregation...that's another story! Thanks for all of your kind words and encouragement!!

 

Here's my final posting on this topic..."Thank goodness!" you say....The pastor had a time of invitation at the end of service as always, so I decided to go up and I told him that I am very serious about joing=ning the church. He said that they were definitely going to address that, so they had me write my ifo down and I spoke to the deacon in charge of new members. Of course, I did have to get up infront of the entire chuch-egads! Naturally, it was directly after one of the other deacons talked about our 25th Division deploying to Iraq in a few weeks (to include hubby), and then discussed making pillowcases for the deployed service members' children with a photo of the service member....so I had cried right before going up there and felt even more embarrassed! BUT everyone welcomed me with open arms...I didn't realize how many people like to hug- I was ready to shake hands!Once I get to know everyone better I'm sure it will feel like home. I am glad I stepped up today..and thanks to you all for supporting me!

 

Yep.. girl we Baptist are GREAT huggers! LOL

I had a mom tell me once that she has a comfort zone and even her children and husband know to keep arms length from her at all times. The minute she finished saying that, I HUGGED her. Don't know why except I felt sorry for her. Now she hugs me all the time! LOL. Go Figure! Maybe what she really needed all along was just some extra love??

Now here is a big hug from me to you! {{moira}}

Diane

 

Thanks! Cyber hugs are easier to accept for those of us not used to it