Bickering???

[NomadsWife]

Is there always so much bickering on here? I really thought this was a place for Christians to meet and talk, instead we sound like a bunch of worldly people arguing. Would Christ be happy with us for behaving like this?

I'm not trying to start an argument or have someone come back at me with an unkind remark. I am merely asking a question because since I've become more active and had time to read more of the posts on this board, I'm seeing an extreme amount of bickering going on and it makes me feel bad. I could go to a secular group and listen to bickering but I choose not to fill my mind with those things, yet here I am in a Christian group and my mind is being filled with it. Is it just me, or is that a bit messed up?

 

[OCC]

No..it's messed up. I will be man enough to admit my part in it. Funny thing...I'm on a secular sports message board site and this fighting doesn't go on. Nobody attacks you over stupid little things and whines when you fight back. I respect what you are trying to do with this post because I have tried for a while to point out something that was wrong. It didn't work for me. May it work better for you. God bless.

 

[RightFromWrong]

 

[Michaelt]

Nomadswife - I would imagine many of the "first" defenses to your questions would be that those engaging in bickering are not bickering, but in fact "discussing"...not that I disagree with you, just going from what I've experienced on here.

And yes, I think you are correct that in the overall "perception", Christ would probably not like those that talk down to others, nor would he approve of those who berate others, or insult within paragraphs to where the casual reader would not pick up on it, thus thinking they are getting away with it.

I do understand that some agreed upon disagreements come from having such a vast array of different upbringings, interpratory skills, educational levels, personality traits, and much different levels of ego, but I have read a number of posts from members and staff alike that if they exhibited the "love" that they scream about, their posts would not have such an overbearing or biting tone to them.

Nonetheless, I have found a small number of members who I have enjoyed reading posts from, some very enlightening and some educational, and some just down right sweet, and I will continue to read those posts with enjoyment, and read the other posts while shaking my head asking the same questions to myself that you have asked in your post.

God Bless you for taking notice!!!

 

[RightFromWrong]

This is the way I see it.

The mods are in control so lets say they are the PARENTS

We are the CHILDREN that the mods can discipline

Since it is the Moderators JOB to make sure the board stays healthy and to keep those who just want to start trouble off. It makes sense ( and this is not what is happening ) That the MODS would be more mature in how they deal with those on the board. If someone is ranting then all anyone especially the MODS would have to do is just ignore that person, they will get the hint and stop. That would be the mature thing to do.
But what I see happening and have experenced myself is these guys get together and GANG up on the one complaining. All the while acting very immature.

Now who is the one that is wrong ? The mods ARE for bringing thmesleves down to the level if not worse than the one complaining. A good parent doesn't do that. He takes control with out acting just like the child.

 

[OCC]

Woody said: "I would imagine many of the "first" defenses to your questions would be that those engaging in bickering are not bickering, but in fact "discussing""

I said: "I will be man enough to admit my part in it."

 

[Michaelt]

Originally posted by King James:
Woody said: "I would imagine many of the "first" defenses to your questions would be that those engaging in bickering are not bickering, but in fact "discussing""

I said: "I will be man enough to admit my part in it."

With all respect my friend, the next best thing would be to man up, and be able to pull yourself from being a part in it, wouldn't you agree?

 

[OCC]

Definitely. The same would go for the ones who attacked me without provocation. My mistake was fighting back...and being rather nasty about it.

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by NomadsWife:
Is there always so much bickering on here?

It's a bunch of Baptists, what do you expect???

Seriously, at the risk of getting people upset, it's been my observation that Baptists (and I are one) are most guilty of the "this is the way it is, and it you don't agree, you're wrong" attitude in such discussions. Whenever I fellowship with Presbyterians, or Dutch Reformed, or Calvarean, or Quaker, or Methodist, or even Catholic and Anglican, the air is always "this is what we/I believe". But when it's among some Baptists, it's invariably "this is the way you must believe".

I don't know why that is. Frankly, it upsets me as a Baptist, and has for some time. I have simply kept it to myself for the most part.

 

[Michaelt]

Originally posted by King James:
Definitely. The same would go for the ones who attacked me without provocation. My mistake was fighting back...and being rather nasty about it.

Being aware of a mistake, is a good step in correcting that mistake. People are always going to attack, that's being human. Being able to withstand that attack and let it go past without any retaliatory response, that my friend, is a christian response.

 

[Michaelt]

Originally posted by Johnv:

Seriously, at the risk of getting people upset, it's been my observation that Baptists (and I are one) are most guilty of the "this is the way it is, and it you don't agree, you're wrong" attitude in such discussions. Whenever I fellowship with Presbyterians, or Dutch Reformed, or Calvarean, or Quaker, or Methodist, or even Catholic and Anglican, the air is always "this is what we/I believe". But when it's among some Baptists, it's invariably "this is the way you must believe".

I don't know why that is. Frankly, it upsets me as a Baptist, and has for some time. I have simply kept it to myself for the most part. [/QB]

I wouldn't disagree with you there Johnv.

 

[RightFromWrong]

I still think MODS should live up to a higher standard and be examples. Some of their attitude are far from being " Christ like '

 

[DHK]

Originally posted by King James:
Definitely. The same would go for the ones who attacked me without provocation. My mistake was fighting back...and being rather nasty about it.

Who in this thread attacked you?
Part of the problem is certain attitudes that keep cropping up, such as "martyr's complex."

 

[Michaelt]

Originally posted by RightFromWrong:
I still think MODS should live up to a higher standard and be examples. Some of their attitude are far from being " Christ like '

I disagree. I'm not a huge fan of moderators being supreme overseers of message boards. They are men and women who are no different than the rest of the members, they just have a little more alloted time to engage in the daily maintenance of the forums. That, IMO, is where a moderators sheriffing should suffice.

The "police mindset" of moderators on any message forum can get obtrusive, and overbearing. I've come to call it the "Barney Fife syndrome of message boards".
I've seen that on a few boards that I frequent. I've seen some that, when they can't "find" someone to engage with, they initiate their own with other members, then pull out their MOD badge to thwart the bad guy...lol.

That's not practical, nor is it useful. On the other hand, every message board is going to have its' share of members who do not like any "sniff" of authoritative persons, so they too seek out those persons with that title, and have their hand at bringing down "the man".

Oh well, I enjoy the site, and I'll stay here and mingle as long as it's pleasing and educational.

 

[Michaelt]

Originally posted by DHK:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by King James:
Definitely. The same would go for the ones who attacked me without provocation. My mistake was fighting back...and being rather nasty about it.

Who in this thread attacked you?
Part of the problem is certain attitudes that keep cropping up, such as "martyr's complex." </font>[/QUOTE]I don't see where he typed that he was attacked "in this thread".
I can respect his opinion, and consider it a valid statement going along with the spirit of the thread.

 

[TexasSky]

DHK,

Didn't Christ say that if someone has ought against you, you should go to them and make it right before approaching His alter?

Wouldn't that indicate that the Christian Leader, if told he has offended, should take a non-combative stance and instead of saying, "You're just sensitive," should say, "I'm sorry you perceived it that way. It wasn't how I meant it?"

Just a head's up to people making comments like, "You have a martyr's complex" to people like King James. One of the signs of a verbal abuser in a relationship is that when someone says, "You hurt me," the verbal abuser will say, "You're just too sensitive!"

You don't have to AGREE with how someone perceived your comments to POLITELY and LOVINGLY discuss them. You can say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't meant to attack you. I disagree with you." But labels like "Martyr's complex" and "over sensitive" ARE verbal abuse.

 

[RightFromWrong]

Who in this thread attacked you?
Part of the problem is certain attitudes that keep cropping up, such as "martyr's complex."

There is a good example right there. just because someone shares a complaint or something real that happened in their life that was bad. Doesn't mean they have a martyr's complex. That was a very judgemnetal statement. Do you not even see how you come across....immature

 

[RightFromWrong]

I just read this after I posted my post above hmmm.

DHK,

Didn't Christ say that if someone has ought against you, you should go to them and make it right before approaching His alter?

Wouldn't that indicate that the Christian Leader, if told he has offended, should take a non-combative stance and instead of saying, "You're just sensitive," should say, "I'm sorry you perceived it that way. It wasn't how I meant it?"

Just a head's up to people making comments like, "You have a martyr's complex" to people like King James. One of the signs of a verbal abuser in a relationship is that when someone says, "You hurt me," the verbal abuser will say, "You're just too sensitive!"

You don't have to AGREE with how someone perceived your comments to POLITELY and LOVINGLY discuss them. You can say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't meant to attack you. I disagree with you." But labels like "Martyr's complex" and "over sensitive" ARE verbal abuse.

RIGHT ON TEXAS

 

[SAMPLEWOW]

WOW,a thread that asks why do we Christians bicker all the time . I have the answer to this question. lack of respect for the LORD Jesus christ, or selfishness.

Lack of love for our Christian Brother!!!!

 

[DHK]

Originally posted by TexasSky:

You don't have to AGREE with how someone perceived your comments to POLITELY and LOVINGLY discuss them. You can say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't meant to attack you. I disagree with you." But labels like "Martyr's complex" and "over sensitive" ARE verbal abuse.

No it is not verbal abuse at all.
This is a debate forum; not a complaint forum. If you can't take the heat then get out of the fire. Go somewhere else and air your dirty laundry. Even the frivilous nature of this very topic that gives the opportunity for people to vent their grievances against the administration is wrong and should be shut down.

This is a forum for legitimate topics of general interest to Baptist to be discussed. I find nothing Baptistic about this topic. It is depressing and it is not edifying. If it is not edifying to the believers that in itself goes contrary to the spirit of the rules.
Remember it is a debate forum. What on earth are you debating here? I see complaints.

If a person has the intestinal fortitude to air their complaints in public, then they need to expect a reply in public, not necessarily in private. If the person in question would like to pm me in private I will answer in private. It is a public board. Expect a public answer.

Verbal abuse! Ridiculous!
You need to put on the coat of an armadillo, as well as taking Jesus advice to be harmless as doves but wise as serpents. I will put an emphasis on the wisdom. James 1:5 says it is free for the asking. James also says that there is another type of wisdom that is sensual. It is not from above. It appeals to the carnal nature and is evil. Which wisdom do you have?
DHK