Born again believers and relationships with family members

[Nicholas25]

I am looking forward to many varied, helpful responses to this thread. As born again believers, biblically, how committed are we to be to family relationships? I am talking about people in your family who are not saved, that you pray for often, if not daily, but their personalities clash with yours and their lifestyle is opposite of the lifestyle of a born again believer. Are we to go to family "get togethers" everytime one is called? I am afraid I am not explaining myself well. I am talking about those in your family who do not claim Christ (or they may), but they are impossible to get along with. Biblical teachings on love, forgiveness, patience, kindness, etc.., cause me to struggle with this. Is it better/biblically ok, to stay away unless necessary or should we accept them for who they are and force ourselves (for lack of a better word) to be arond them often? I love my family with all of my heart, but some of them seem impossible. Thank you.

 

[JesusFan]

I am looking forward to many varied, helpful responses to this thread. As born again believers, biblically, how committed are we to be to family relationships? I am talking about people in your family who are not saved, that you pray for often, if not daily, but their personalities clash with yours and their lifestyle is opposite of the lifestyle of a born again believer. Are we to go to family "get togethers" everytime one is called? I am afraid I am not explaining myself well. I am talking about those in your family who do not claim Christ (or they may), but they are impossible to get along with. Biblical teachings on love, forgiveness, patience, kindness, etc.., cause me to struggle with this. Is it better/biblically ok, to stay away unless necessary or should we accept them for who they are and force ourselves (for lack of a better word) to be arond them often? I love my family with all of my heart, but some of them seem impossible. Thank you.

What is impossible foe man, is possible for God...

pray and ask God to give you the heart and of Jesus while dealing with them!

Learn also to talk "with them" not "at them" you are not theur Saviour, and he just needs you to be a living witness by life and deeds, like Him handle being the Saviour!

 

[Nicholas25]

Forgive me, I am not talking about only sharing the gospel. I am talking about everyday living. Their lifestyle, attitudes, and actions are polar opposite of my wife and I. It is hard to even hold a normal conversation.

 

[JesusFan]

Forgive me, I am not talking about only sharing the gospel. I am talking about everyday living. Their lifestyle, attitudes, and actions are polar opposite of my wife and I. It is hard to even hold a normal conversation.

thing is that you and your wife just might be the ones the Lord uses to "reach them"

main thing is that remember that you can walk in the power of the Holy Spirit while with them ! You are "jesus" working around with them!

read what Apostle Matthew did with his "wild friends" after Jesus called Him!

 

[beameup]

main thing is that remember that you can walk in the power of the Holy Spirit while with them ! You are "jesus" working around with them!

Good point. We are "ambassadors for Christ" wherever we go.
We also have the INTEGRITY of that position. If we are debased
in nonbelievers presence then we should quickly remove ourselves
from their presence and just "turn them over to the Lord".
Remember that it is the LORD that they really hate and thus
they are used by the Devil to persecute or intimidate a Spirit-filled
Christian.

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves:
be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." - Matthew 10:16.

 

[kyredneck]

Forgive me, I am not talking about only sharing the gospel. I am talking about everyday living. Their lifestyle, attitudes, and actions are polar opposite of my wife and I. It is hard to even hold a normal conversation.

Are you inclined to seperate from them? Are you dependent upon them? Or are they dependent upon you? I mean, I wouldn't tolerate what you are depicting, unless I had no choice, but that's just me.

 

[HAMel]

Nicholas25, from me to you.

I have a brother-in-law who absolutely has no use for me at all. He holds me in constant contempt as I am a Christian but every time we have a family get-together he's the first one to challenge me to ask the blessing. So, I do. In short, he gives the impression of being tolerant but it's easy to see his true self.

As for me, I just ignore it and when offered a "beer" I politely decline and head for the coffee pot. At least once a year I drop a tract in the mail to him.

There isn't much else you can do but show you're the stronger person and maintain your faith. As for personality clashes just stay clear and refuse to be drawn into anything. It's all "sport" to them so refuse to fall victim.

 

[JesusFan]

Nicholas25, from me to you.

I have a brother-in-law who absolutely has no use for me at all. He holds me in constant contempt as I am a Christian but every time we have a family get-together he's the first one to challenge me to ask the blessing. So, I do. In short, he gives the impression of being tolerant but it's easy to see his true self.

As for me, I just ignore it and when offered a "beer" I politely decline and head for the coffee pot. At least once a year I drop a tract in the mail to him.

There isn't much else you can do but show you're the stronger person and maintain your faith. As for personality clashes just stay clear and refuse to be drawn into anything. It's all "sport" to them so refuse to fall victim.

Also, remember that we can take a 'Christ" attitude into meeting them..

Do NOT have to be humourless, judgemental/legalistic etc

As they will react and be acting as sinners do, so just expect and react as jesus did in the Gospels!

 

[Nicholas25]

The big problem is that we look at everything from a biblical worldview and they are the polar opposite. My wife and I feel totally out of place at family get togethers. Because we do not choose to uphold family members in their lifestyles, we are made to feel like we think we are better than them, which is far from the truth. We desire to have a good relationship with this group of family members, but it seems impossible. It is difficult when this group thrives on constant "drama" and will become very angry on the drop of a dime. And again, it also very difficult because they are family, but we are totally different. We have absolutely nothing in common. If we weren't family, it would be hard to be friends with them because we do not share any of the same interests or viewpoints. We love them, but struggle to be around them.

 

[Robert Snow]

Nicholas25, from me to you.

I have a brother-in-law who absolutely has no use for me at all. He holds me in constant contempt as I am a Christian but every time we have a family get-together he's the first one to challenge me to ask the blessing. So, I do. In short, he gives the impression of being tolerant but it's easy to see his true self.

As for me, I just ignore it and when offered a "beer" I politely decline and head for the coffee pot. At least once a year I drop a tract in the mail to him.

There isn't much else you can do but show you're the stronger person and maintain your faith. As for personality clashes just stay clear and refuse to be drawn into anything. It's all "sport" to them so refuse to fall victim.

I applaude your patient endurance. Sometimes people just clash.

The only thing different would be that I would have that beer with him, but I like beer and don't have any conviction against moderate drinking.

 

[Alive in Christ]

I am looking forward to many varied, helpful responses to this thread. As born again believers, biblically, how committed are we to be to family relationships? I am talking about people in your family who are not saved, that you pray for often, if not daily, but their personalities clash with yours and their lifestyle is opposite of the lifestyle of a born again believer. Are we to go to family "get togethers" everytime one is called?

It really is sort of a "tightrope" walking deal at times.

Be as accepting, and kind, and affirming towards them as you possible can, without compromising your christian wittness.

But of course...if God says "speak", then do it and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[righteousdude2]

Amen!

I love my family with all of my heart, but some of them seem impossible. Thank you.

The majority of my family refers to me as the "Born Again" fanatic.

They all consider themselves to be of one religion or another, and put me in the class of being the person who believes a person needs to be born again!

I guess that is better than being seen as just some other religious nut case :laugh:

At least, they know where I stand when it comes to how to get to heaven; how to know Jesus; and that I consider my relationship with Jesus and my Father as being a "relationship" and not just some religion.

My stand in the need to be born again has caused some friction, but, at least my family knows the way to Jesus is through establishing a personal relationship by asking Him into your heart.

I can think of worse things to be related to; called, when it comes to my faith and how they think of me when it comes to the Father.

It is true. Jesus didn't come to make us closer to our families. At times, our personal relationship with Jesus will put a wedge between us and them :tear:

 

[HAMel]

I applaude your patient endurance. Sometimes people just clash.

The only thing different would be that I would have that beer with him, but I like beer and don't have any conviction against moderate drinking.

If I were to drink anything, especially a full can of beer I would have ended up the laughing stock in all of Upstate Zoo York, where my brother-in-law lives and would fall right into his snare. Every time he offers and I refuse he twists his face out of shape. What I have done many times to avoid the offers is to tell them that I'm an alcoholic but, with this the Lord is being left out.

At my son's wedding I drank 1 ounce of champagne in for a "toast" and almost couldn't get back into my seat. It was funny and it hit that fast. Her family drinks like fish. This was the time I lead in prayer and a guy asked me if I was a "man of the cloth". :laugh::tongue3:

About all any of us can do is just maintain and let our attitude be our witness. Often, family members will begin to see something different and come around. Our Lord can do what we are unable to do.

 

[JesusFan]

I applaude your patient endurance. Sometimes people just clash.

The only thing different would be that I would have that beer with him, but I like beer and don't have any conviction against moderate drinking.

If I were to drink anything, especially a full can of beer I would have ended up the laughing stock in all of Upstate Zoo York, where my brother-in-law lives and would fall right into his snare. Every time he offers and I refuse he twists his face out of shape. What I have done many times to avoid the offers is to tell them that I'm an alcoholic but, with this the Lord is being left out.

At my son's wedding I drank 1 ounce of champagne in for a "toast" and almost couldn't get back into my seat. It was funny and it hit that fast. Her family drinks like fish. This was the time I lead in prayer and a guy asked me if I was a "man of the cloth". :laugh::tongue3:

About all any of us can do is just maintain and let our attitude be our witness. Often, family members will begin to see something different and come around. Our Lord can do what we are unable to do.

Well, Since jesus "hunfg out" with sinners, maybe find our exampole from Him!

 

[HAMel]

Well, Since jesus "hunfg out" with sinners, maybe find our exampole from Him!

...uh, what you been sipping lately? :laugh: Don't tell me it's Grandma's cough syrup.

 

[menageriekeeper]

Divide and conquer, Nicholas.

There is no good reason to go to large family gatherings where alcohol is served and people drink immoderately if you don't want to be part of that. (no reason to expose your kids either)

Instead invite individual families over occasionally. Since you already know what direct witnessing will do (nothing), try just having a nice visit. Christ has a way of showing through even when not one word is spoken about Him. Then if you find Cousin S is just determined not to get along, let him/her be. You've done your best. Perhaps a few years down the line, they'll be more ready for a relationship. At least you'll know you tried. (and they will to even if they won't admit it.)

 

[HAMel]

Christ has a way of showing through even when not one word is spoken about Him.

So true.

 

[JesusFan]

Well, Since jesus "hunfg out" with sinners, maybe find our exampole from Him!

...uh, what you been sipping lately? :laugh: Don't tell me it's Grandma's cough syrup.

Stupid Iphone and fat fingers!

 

[HAMel]

Stupid Iphone and fat fingers!

Fifty years ago I took two years of typing in High School just for two extra credits. Believe it or not, that was one of the best skills I ever learned but I do have a problem with those small numbers on my wife's cell phone. I don't have one myself.