I understand the idea that by logical sequence if God chooses some for salvation, one can say he chooses others for Hell, or else he is not choosing at all. Wesley charged that to Calvinism, as do many critics, and many Calvinists defend it and embrace it. Some defend it with a rather tart "who are you to reply against God". To me, that won't do as there are too many scriptures indicating God's love for the world and men, even those who are heading in a wrong direction.
If you are willing to get into the philosophy deeper, you can look into guys like Richard Muller, who wrote on the interplay between divine will and human choice. In recent years, I think because of the internet and because of the Young Restless and Reformed rise to prominence, many of whom jumped in quick to Calvinism with very little study, there has been an over simplification of the teachings. I mean, does this sound like what you have been told of John Owen?
"We grant man, in the substance of all his actions, as much power, liberty, and freedom as a mere creature is capable of. We grant him to be free in his choice from all outward coercion, or inward natural necessity, to work according to election and deliberation, spontaneously embracing what seemeth good unto him. Now call this power free-will, or what you please, so you make it not supreme, independent, and boundless, we are not at all troubled." Owen, Display of Arminianism, works X, 114.
Wilson then goes on to say that "Divine foreknowledge, moreover, does not rule out contingency and freedom; given that God is perfect, God must be understood as knowing all that is knowable."
Bottom line, and I speak only for myself, while I don't buy into all of what we now call Calvinism, because of many reasons, some of which I stated above, I still say that as a theology it is basically sound and the best men will ever do as "theology". What Calvinism does not allow is that man can have such an effective freedom of will and action that he can overcome or override God's sovereignty. God simply does not have to sit and wait to see what we are going to do. But Calvinism does not deny that "what we are going to do" is truly what we want to do, without God coercing us or our free wills. Calvinism, as a theology, makes a demand that we keep both of these principles in our minds at the same time. This is difficult and we all stumble around trying to explain scriptures that indeed indicate both principles.