Calvinist Jokes

[DrJamesAch]

How do you confuse a Calvinist? Take him to a buffet and tell him to get whatever he wants.

Why do Calvinists do so poorly on College tests? They can’t handle multiple choice questions.

How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? It depends on how many are needed to get all the unbelievers out of the room, for only the Elect are given the Light.

What do you call a Presbyterian drinking Mountain Dew? A Hyper-Calvinist

Did you hear about the Calvinist who rode in an elevator all day? He felt he had no right to choose a floor so he just went wherever it took him

Why do presidential campaigns make Calvinists so nervous? They like the idea of an election but just can’t get past the voting part.

Why was the Calvinist held in contempt of court? Because he refused to be a witness

Did you hear about the Calvinist scoreboard manufacturer? Their scoreboard posts the final score at the beginning of the game

Why do Calvinists prefer subways and trains? Because the destinations are all pre-determined.

Why should you choose a Calvinist Realtor? Because they do not believe in a “Great Commission”.

 

[Winman]

How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Any Calvinist will tell you that only God can change a light bulb.

 

[Gorship]

Geislers joke at the beginning of this... makes me roll everytime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLDFD2E37589EA81B9&feature=player_detailpage&v=d9n_NUoslp0#t=182s

 

[Winman]

Geislers joke at the beginning of this... makes me roll everytime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLDFD2E37589EA81B9&feature=player_detailpage&v=d9n_NUoslp0#t=182s

"So we called him Paul" :laugh:

 

[Gorship]

"So we called him Paul" :laugh:

I just love at the end of the predestination joke, he just moves into his topic. gets me every time.

 

[Winman]

I just love at the end of the predestination joke, he just moves into his topic. gets me every time.

I am listening to these videos now, very good. I like the way he speaks, very simple and straightforward, very easy to understand. My kind of speaker. :thumbsup:

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

 

[kyredneck]

:thumbs::laugh:

 

[Tom Butler]

I'm a DoG, but Dr. Ach's OP stuff is hilarious!

And Dr. Geisler cracked me up.

 

[WAJungleMonkey]

How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? It depends on how many are needed to get all the unbelievers out of the room, for only the Elect are given the Light.

Calvinists are afraid to change light bulbs because they might be guilty of trying to earn salvation by works.

No one in the history of mankind has ever found a connection between getting light into a room and their eternal salvation, but the Calvinist will find it... or tie himself in theological knots in attempt... he will eventually convince himself the bulb has already been changed and he can see the light.

 

[Squire Robertsson]

This zombie thread is closed.