Can a divorced man who remarried his (original) wife be a deacon?

So would adultery, pornography, watching the wrong kinds of movies, misconduct by children (purely subjective as to what would be "bad enough"), wife being a gossip, wife/children/self behaving unbiblically in the church, etc, etc, etc.

Yet I would suspect that you think any of these failures to rule the house well is forgiveable if someone demonstrates a genuine change of character and behavior.

Yes. If it fell apart last year then one shouldn't become a deacon.

If it fell apart 10 years ago followed by genuine repentance for personal faults leading to character and behavior consistent with those used to qualify church leaders... then NO.

If a pastor was previously a drunkard but had completely repented such that his life was the model of biblical sobriety.... would he not be qualified to counsel someone involved in alcohol abuse?

Name one sin that a pastor might have had or even presently struggle with that they could never be asked to help someone through. There isn't one.

If you are guilty of anything, repent, accept forgiveness, then go on. You can't stay anchored in past guilt... nor should you continue to blame yourself for the sins of a husband that biblically free you.

Even if you failed this vow completely, the divorce is his responsibility. You could not have stopped him. Repent if you've failed and move on.

Your children didn't become yours by a covenant... your husband did... then he destroyed that covenant.

No it isn't. Your second sentence is correct. The last one is not. Men do not "earn" their calling from God.

But you would contend that the only sin that permanently disqualifies someone from fulfilling this calling is divorce, right?

 

First - I want to repeat, yes, if you remarry your original spouse, I think you can become a deacon.

Now, Scott,

The bible set up standards for men who were leaders of God's house. These are the men who are meant to set the examples for others to follow. These are the men who are meant to be the spirtual guides of God's church.

Frankly, I feel that a man who is a repentant Christian will become an example and a leader without having to wear a title. I also feel that a man who is so determined that he be allowed to become a deacon that he would fight for that right, even though he knows that doing so will cause issues in the church - has a problem in his heart.

God told us that he who would be first will be last, and he who is last will be first. He told us not to seek out the seats of honor.

I had a wonderful Sunday School teacher who most of the church thought was a deacon. One day I asked him what happened at deacon meeting. His reply was, "I'm not a deacon. I am not a man of one wife." I said, "You're a widower! Who would hold that against you?" He said, "I do. The bible says man of one wife. I have a second wife. I love God, I serve God. I don't have to have a title to do that. Rather than have to explain, for the rest of my life, that my second wife is so because of death - I will serve God where I stand, and let others serve Him on the board."

I thought that was the most amasing example of putting God first I had seen in ages.

As to the comments about others sins. Let's turn that question around. If someone comes to you and tells you that they are a convicted pedophile, but claims they have repented, are you going to elect them to your deacon board?

As to why I hold divorce as a more accountable sin - it hurts many, many, many people. It is caused by selfishness, and frankly, I've never, in my whole life, seen a divorce where both parties involved were not guilty of selfish behavior. I'm including my own divorce in that statement.

To begin with, the majority of divorces in the US are not biblical grounds divorces. They are pure selfishness.

But even when it IS biblical - is either party REALLY blameless?

If a spouse strays in adultry, why?
Do you really think the marriage was a good, godly marriage to begin with? Do you really think that the wronged spouse was perfect and holy and blameless in the eyes of God and that they made the straying spouse feel happy, loved, comfortable, uplifted, etc.?

After a spouse strays. .. how much did the wronged spouse try to forgive and mend? How much did the straying spouse try to repent?

Did either of them consider the other people in their lives while they were deciding the fate of so many lives?

How many children live in poverty because Mom and Dad chose to hire a lawyer for $1,000, instead of seeing a Pastor for free marriage counseling?

How many children no longer really have a home because six months is with Dad and his new wife, and six months is with Mom and her new husband, and no one cares that the kid used to have one home that they felt secure and loved in, no one cares that the kid used to have a neighborhood they knew and felt at peace in.

My daughter's friend ended up in one of those "6 months here" families. Every single summer that poor kid had to leave all his friends and fly out to California. He missed out on all kinds of things, had trouble with a girl friend over it, was stuck in a strange place without friends - because his parents couldn't / wouldn't work it out, and each had their rights to "live where I want," and to "be with my kids."

My own kids were estranged from their grandparents for many months after our divorce because they asked to live with me. It took me calling up the adults involved and going, "Forget yourselfishness for awhile and consider the kids. If you love them, show them. If you don't, show them love ANYWAY."

My ex spent more years as my spouse and as my brother-in-law's "brother" than he did single, but after the divorce he didnt' even speak to his brother-in-law because suddenly "they weren't relatives anymore."

Divorce is selfish.

And sitting back and going, "Okay, that was a long time ago, its okay, come be a deacon," implies that it less than what it is.

We keep "moving the bar" back in Churches. I really don't like judment, but I also don't like lowering biblical standards to be a nice guy.

How do you repent from divorce?

How do you repent from remarriage?

How do you know the deacon you're electing has really changed whatever lead to the divorce?

How do you explain to young people, "Well, yes, this one divorced, but its okay now. Just don't do it, and be just like him?"

 

Yes. The Bible... not human opinions... set these standards. One of them is that a leader must be a "one woman man". It doesn't say "married once" or "never divorced"- nor does it imply either.

This like the other qualifications is a character trait.

Yes... and everyone a sinner.

Agreed.

True. If a man fights for the "right" to become a leader then he is doing it for pride.

But that isn't the issue. The issue is obedience to God's Word and serving as called.

At the risk of mixing our debate, I find it terribly inconsistent that you think a man who is divorced cannot serve as a deacon/elder though the Bible never says so but think it fine that a woman teach men in SS in spite of scripture that disallows such a practice.

That applies to divorced and undivorced alike... as well as to males and females.

Great story. God bless him for standing by his convictions. Obviously, he could not serve in faith.

But that does not prove that he has interpretted the scripture correctly. The limitations he accepted are of his own creation- not God's.

Are you comparing someone who divorced for biblical or even unbiblical reasons to a pedophile?

Hypothetically, a person who had fully repented and demonstrated a changed character to the satisfaction of the church should be able to serve if called to do so.

It isn't a question of how you view divorce. It is a question of what God's Word says about the qualifications for leading in the church.

Yes, I would agree that is almost always the case. In fact, I would say that I have never seen a successful marriage where both parties involved were not guilty of selfish behavior.

But when one party's selfishness leads to fornication or abandonment, they assume responsibility for breaking the covenant no matter how selfish the other person might have been.

Of a less than God honoring marriage? No. Both parties might be to blame.

For the divorce? Yes. There are two biblical reasons and the guilty party is.... guilty.

Because they have made the choice to sin in disobedience to God. Their behavior is no more excuseable than Adams when he attempted to blame Eve.

Was Eve guilty? Of course. Do spouses do things that tempt or even push their partner toward adultery or abandonment? Frequently they do... but those sins do not "cause" the other sins.

If there were truly a legitimate cause-effect relationship then every time one spouse did something it would cause the other spouse to cheat...

That doesn't matter. What matters is that there was a covenant before God between the two people. Marriage like sanctification should be a process of growing better through mutual, submissive, God honoring commitment.

My wife, who is divorced, exhibits this daily. ---continued

 

So if my wife isn't perfect that provides me with an excuse to divorce? You are painting yourself into a corner TS.

The wronged spouse was wronged. They didn't break the covenant. They didn't give up or give in. You can't let the other guilty party off the hook because the wronged party wasn't perfect.

Good points... having nothing to do with whether a divorced man can serve as a deacon.

The father would not be qualified to be a deacon due to his selfishness.

No it doesn't. It implies that a) it is not the unpardonable sin and b) God's Word doesn't say what you apparently want it to.

You have wounds. I truly sympathize. But to be honest, I think you are subjecting yourself to pennance. You seem to be punishing yourself for not being perfect... and condemning all divorcees by extension.

We shouldn't move the bar backwards nor forwards. We should let the bar remain exactly where God put it.

What you are espousing isn't "biblical standards". They are TS standards. God's Word simply doesn't say what you are asserting.

The same way you repent of any other sin... if the divorce was a sin on your part.

Nothing to repent of if you were biblically divorced or your ex-spouse remarried first.

I have been married for 16 years. My wife has demonstrated the ability to be a submitted, godly wife who is devoted to my family and me.

You can know the same way you know if they qualify on any of the other traits.

Are you really asking this question?

How do you explain to young people that this person used to be a drunk but has now repented... Don't follow that same path?

But even more to the point, you tell them reasons that marriages fail. You teach them that this person married someone who they shouldn't have. You teach them how to choose a mate and work out a successful marriage... and you should be able to use the deacon's marriage (divorced or not) as the example.

I would not hesitate to put my marriage in front of our young people as an example... nor are we dishonest about the mistakes people can make in dating/mating.