Here's some food for thought taken from page 204 of Ingmar Bergman's autobiograophy "The Magic Latern" Viking Penguin, New York, 1988. English Translation (C) Joan Tate:
"Ghosts, devils abd demons, good, evil, or just annoying, they have blown in my face, pushed me, pricked me with pins, plucked at my jersey. They have spoken, hissed, or whispered. Clear voices, not particularly comprehensible but impossible to ignore.
Twenty years ago, I underwent an operation, a minor one, but I had to be anaestiesized and, due to an error, was given too much anesthetic. Six hours of my life vanashed. I don't remember any dreams; time ceased to exist, six hours, six micro-seconds-or eternity. The operation was sucessful.
I have struggled all my life with a tormented and joyless relationsihp with God. Faith and lack of faith, punishment, grace and rejection, all were real to me, all were imperative. My prayers stank of anguish, eternity, trust, loathing and despair. God spoke, God said nothing. Do not turn from me Thy face.
The lost hours of that operation provided me with a calming message. You are born without purpose, you live without meaning, living is its own meaning. When you die, you are extinguished. From being you will be transformed to non-being. A god does not necessarily dwell amoung our increasingly capricious atoms.
This insight has brought with it a certain security that has resoutely eliminated anguish and tumult,though on the other hand I have never denied my second (or first) lift, that of the spirit."