Can you imagine becoming so angry that you'd attack somebody?

[xdisciplex]

Sometimes when people upset me or when I feel like I might get problems with somebody I imagine different scenarios in my mind and ask myself what I would do if this actually happens. And there are some scenarios where even thinking about them and playing them through in my head makes me really angry. For example recently I had problems with a pedantic professor who refused to rate my homework. I had to write it again. And then I gave it back to him. I haven't gotten any reply from him so far but I thought about what will I do if he's being such a jerk again and refuses to rate my homework? I think if he did this again I would not be able to calm down. I thought about what might happen. For example I might get into an argument with him. Maybe he would also show me that he simply doesn't like me and that's why he refuses to rate my homework. What would I do in such a situation? Because I need to get a certificate for this homework. I think in such a situation I would feel like everybody is against me. It's this typical feeling of being pushed against a wall which I always had back in high school when I was arguing with teachers. I always had this feeling that everybody is against me. What would you do if somebody treats you totally unfair and you also know that this person simply doesn't like you and the result of being treated unfair has huge consequences for you? Let's say your boss doesn't like you and fires you, what would you do?`Would you be able to stay calm? I think I might really freak out and grab this guy by his neck.

But as a christian I should be totally calm and peaceful even if others treat me wrong. The only problem is that this doesn't work in real life. It works in theory but not in real life. At least not for me. I don't think I will ever reach this state where nothing affects you and where you simply walk around with a smile. I think you can only have such an attitude if you feel totally secure and know that nothing can happen to you, but how can you feel totally secure? Let's say your boss wants to fire you, then how could this not affect you? After all you need a job. Or lets say a professor refuses to rate my homework and I need the certificate for the homework in order to finish studying then how could this not affect me? All this stuff wouldn't affect me if I didn't need certificates and homeworks. If I was a millionaire and didn't even have to work then this wouldn't affect me at all. Then I wouldn't even bother with studying. But this isn't the case. Then how can you stay cool when you feel like others treat you wrong? Such things really make me fiery angry. When others treat me wrong I become so angry it's scary. But I know I shouldn't become angry, but I still do. I don't understand this. The bible says I'm a new creature then why do I still get angry?

 

[Scarlett O.]

I don't think I will ever reach this state where nothing affects you and where you simply walk around with a smile.

Jesus Christ, Himself, never reached this imaginary place you are talking about. It isn't real.

Jesus cried when Lazarus died. For many reasons. He felt a "righteous" anger and threw out the people in the Temple who were "selling" God's grace. He laughed, He need to have "alone" time, He need "friend" time. He experienced a fear so great that He sweat drops of blood. Jesus experienced the whole gamut of emotions....

...the key was that in experiencing these things, He never sinned. His response was always a Godly one. And a "Godly response" doesn't mean walking around letting nothing affect with a smile on your face.

It's ok to be mad or upset.....just don't sin in trying to "punish" someone for making you angry. Go to God with extreme emotions, just like Jesus did.

The bible says I'm a new creature then why do I still get angry?

The Apostle Paul said the same thing as you. He said that all of the things that he knew that he should be doing, he sometimes didn't do.

And he said that all of the things he knew he shouldn't be doing, sometimes he winded up doing them anyways.

Our spirits are new. Our flesh is still the same flesh. It's a daily battle with every Christian on the planet. ALL Christians have thorns in our flesh. Sometimes our spirit prevails and sometimes not. But that struggle has nothing to do with the fact that Christians are saved and that Jesus' blood can forgive them still and that God can pick them up out of the dust of life again and re-direct their path.

We all "mess up". It's the Christians who can listen to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, follow Jesus' example of how to live a life, and allow God to direct them who are successful at "beating" particular sins that haunt them.

 

[xdisciplex]

Hi Scarlett,

I'm really concerned about this. As it looks like I might really get problems with this professor because he isn't cooperative at all. It's this situation. I have to write a homework. I want to be finished with it as soon as possible. I already called this person a few weeks ago and wanted to ask wether the topic is okay and he said that I should simply write a few pages and then email it to him. LOL!
Simply write a few pages without even knowing if he accepts the topic? This is nuts. So I went to his next consultation-hour. His consultation-hour during the holidays are very rare! And what do I read on his door? The consultation-hour was canceled. I bet he simply didn't want to go to the university. And now he's on holiday!!!! He comes back 2 weeks later. This means if I cannot reach him I lose another 2 weeks where I cannot even start to write. I tell you simply thinking about this makes me sooo angry.
So I emailed him and described everything to him. I told him that I am in a hurry because during the holidays I also have other things to do and that his next consultation-hour date is much too late for me because I can't wait so long and that I want a new date as soon as possible. At this time I didn't know that he was already on vacation. He didn't reply. So one day later I thought that this doesn't make sense and I emailed him again and in this email I described him how I imagine my homework, I described the topic and the content and told him that I hope that I described it well enough for him to form an opinion.
And what does he do? The next day he replies BUT he replied only to my first email and he tells me that he's on vacation!!!! NO reply to the second email! I bet he simply was too lazy to bother reading my second email this means I still do not know wether he accepts my topic or not! This is an impudence. I almost feel like he's making fun of me, I mean can you imagine this?
And next week he'll be back from vacation and I'll have to go to him again only because he's too lazy to reply to me. This would take him maybe 5 minutes! And I have to go to the university again and this takes me more than 2 hours in total!
I tell you I'm really scared that he might start making problems and not accept my topic. I wasn't idle in the meantime. I borrowed books which I need for this homework and what do I do if he now says he doesn't accept my topic? This really concerns me because then I would become so angry I think I would scream at him. I don't know if I could control myself because all the anger which I have for him would be released. Already now I'm so angry at this person for behaving in such an impossible way and thinking about this "what if" scenario also makes me so angry, I'm scared that this might really happen. What do I do then? I will become so angry and I will have a strong desire for revenge and think about paying this person back somehow. I know myself. I couldn't deal with this, I couldn't simply say "I forgive him" and then settle it, this would be too much for me. What do I do now? I'm really scared that this might happen. And another problem is that supposing I yell at him and really start to argue with him then he'll be angry at me and of course he'll also try to make me fail, this is logical. This means that actually I cannot even "afford" arguing with him because he can harm me.
But I couldn't just swallow this. This won't work. I can't allow myself to be treated like an idiot and simply swallow it and smile, I would hate myself for this.

 

[pinoybaptist]

I believe that when somebody takes a swing at me, I ought to duck and swing back.
But, remember, the other guy swung first.
Now, what I usually will do in your situation is to confront this guy and talk things out with him.
I've had some similar situations in the past, and thinking that it would lead into some kind of fight or negative confrontational situation psyched me already so that some of them did develop into what I was thinking would happen.
What to do, then ?
First, psyche yourself to the positive.
Give him the benefit of a doubt. After all, he is a professor, and you are a student.
He might have his reasons, and they may not be the reasons you think.
Second, if at all possible, bring somebody along with you.
Someone you know is a cool head.
If things get ugly, you have someone who can testify that the ugliness did not come from you. And then again, you have somebody who will hear every word said.
Third, take ten deep breaths before you start the confrontation.
That's about all I can say for now.

 

[xdisciplex]

Thanks man, but I don't know anybody who I could take with me.
This is exactly the problem. This person can harm me. This means I must not even let out my anger and I cannot even really say what I mean. This makes me sick. When you're angry and you cannot even let it out. But if I let it out then he'll simply make me fail, it's that easy.
But the way this person behaves is an impudence. I'm so angry and I have such angry thoughts towards this person but at the same time I ask myself wether I must even think such things as a christian but what shall I do? I am angry and I cannot simply not be angry anymore. I don't know how a christian should deal with this.

 

[xdisciplex]

I'm still so angry and I become angrier every day now. With every day this person doesn't reply to my email I become angrier. This is an impudence. I don't know what will happen when I go to the next consultation-hour. I'm so angry and I can't simply calm down because I feel like this person is being arrogant and disrespects me and this makes me so fiery angry, you cannot imagine how angry I become when I even think about this.
Would this not make you angry? But the thing is that I become so angry that I feel like breaking something. But on the other hand I also think that I have tried to suppress things for way too long and always suppressing your feelings also is not good because how can I respect myself when I don't even say what I think? This isn't healthy. I think it's better to release your anger than to suppress it.

 

[El_Guero]

Get angry . . .
Get angry . . .
Get angry . . .



did it do any good?

mmm ... tho't so.

You need a mentor . . . or you are a troll faking everything you write about - trying to get people to get angry . . .

Get a mentor . . .

 

[xdisciplex]

Get angry . . .
Get angry . . .
Get angry . . .



did it do any good?

mmm ... tho't so.

You need a mentor . . . or you are a troll faking everything you write about - trying to get people to get angry . . .

Get a mentor . . .

Oh boy, your stuff is starting to annoy me. If you do not have anything else to say then say nothing at all. Do you really think by simply getting on my nerves I'll suddenly find a nice church and a nice pastor? lol.
Maybe I should place an ad in the newspaper: Christian seeking for a nice pastor who wants to spend plenty of time to disciple him. lol.
I bet that many pastors will reply.

 

[Not_hard_to_find]

Maybe I should place an ad in the newspaper: Christian seeking for a nice pastor who wants to spend plenty of time to disciple him.

Actually, that sounds like a very interesting experiment, doesn't it? I, for one, would be very interested in:

1 - Learning that you were sufficiently interested to place such an ad;
2 - The responses you received;
3 - Hearing of the follow through on your part and the responding pastor.

Should you accept this Mission Impossible, please keep us posted!!

 

[xdisciplex]

I doubt anybody would reply. Pastors are busy. I don't know in which world you live but in the real world pastors are busy and they have to time to fool around with baby christians.

 

[Not_hard_to_find]

xdisciplex wrote: "I doubt"

That I do believe!! But, you are wrong about real world pastors. Mine, I'm certain, is as real as it gets and is currently mentoring "baby" Christians. There are many Christians who mentor and I pray that you find one nearby. Unfortunately, we're half a world away and I can only be of help through prayer.

Do approach a pastor with your questions. They are servants of the Lord and seek out opportunities to help new Christians grow -- or to help non-Christians find their way to salvation. Without those to do, they really don't have a job!

Truly, may God bless and keep you. May you find yourself being held in His hands and may His grace shine upon you.

 

[xdisciplex]

@ Not_hard

I think there is a slight difference between approaching a pastor after the service and asking him 1 question and wanting him as a mentor.

 

[Daisy]

Your professor is treating you carelessly, from what you describe, not malevolently. Most people in life will treat you so (unless you have fame or power) because they are interested in their own lives, not so much yours. I doubt that he actually intends to harm you.

However, if you show that you are angry and that you blame him, that could trigger resentment in him. You can not control him, but you can control yourself and how you act towards him. The main thing is, don't be stupid. That is not meant as an insult - just an acknowledgement that we all act against our own self-interest at times.

You have time to plan your actions, which is good. Think about the most practical way to get the course completed.

One recommendation I have is to choose a topic that truly interests you and begin. If you are bored writing your paper, I guarantee the professor will be twice as bored reading it - not a good thing from either end. If you are working on something cool, you won't resent (as much) if you have to go back and rework it.

The other thing you might want to do is known as CYA - cover your, um, derriere. Write out your time concerns to another email to your professor, detailing what you have done to comply with his assignment, your concerns about the time constraints and ask him politely as possible what he recommends. CC (send a "carbon copy") his department head and whoever your student advisor or counselor is - this is to document that you have done your part diligently and to the best of your ability should you need to complain later. Use two or three drafts, if you need to - the first what you want to say the way you want to say it, the others, cleaned up and respectful.

This is your chance to make yourself look as good as possible, so be respectful or it will count against you. The calmer, more factual and reasonable you appear, the better - this will come in handy later.

If this goes well, the professor will feel bad about putting you in a spot and compensate by going out of his way to help you (knowing that you have already taken steps to let his boss know that you might have trouble with him). He may even take a genuine interest in helping you succeed in his course.

If this doesn't go well, and the professor continues to blow you off (dismiss you), you will already have started your complaint against him. It is important, if you are going to win, to show everyone that you were the good guy in this - that means no hitting, no threats, but a respectful attitude.

You don't have to give up your anger at him (until you're ready) - you can channel it so that you don't hurt yourself. Use the energy it gives you to do the homework well just to spite him.

Later, you can work on letting it go and forgiving him.

 

[El_Guero]

@ Not_hard

I think there is a slight difference between approaching a pastor after the service and asking him 1 question and wanting him as a mentor.

You expect me across the world to mentor you and you do not want to be mentored . . .

:wavey:

. . . I would expect that you communicate that much quicker in person . . .

:sleeping_2:

 

[El_Guero]

xx

For every thread you start - you average 4.7 replies . . . a couple of minutes of your life per 'important life changing question' . . .

. . . do you really think that a mentor should spend time on someone like yourself?

. . . really? Do you? Do you look in the mirror and think, "I am valuable to myself."

. . . or do you think, "Am I valuable to myself? Am I valuable to anyone?"

:wavey: