Child molesters in church?

OK, just keep doing what you've been doing, don't follow anyone's advice and I'm sure the situation will only get worse.

I know that is not what you want, but if some one, like me, doesn't "smack you in the face", (sorry, brother) you might not do what is necessary.

This pastor needs to be put on the grill, if all this has been going on, he is nothing more than a hireling.

I recommend you standing up in the assembly and demand he take a stand against the prevelent sin all that congregation already knows all about!

If nothing is still done, LEAVE!!!raying:

raise: :Fish: raise:

 

Why is an open homosexual allowed to be a member of a church in the first place? I would get an attorney, if not for the simple reason of holding her accountable, but to protect yourself in the event her parents take legal action on you. Run, don't walk to an attorney's office for the sake of your family.

 

Reformed

Check your inbox - I sent the responce in a private message.

 

Is he episapalian? This statement alone would make me leave the church (after the molster had been prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law)

 

Salamander

Enough already!

 

This is a sad story. Although, I wonder if the police will do anything, as in most jurisdictions, the statutory rape laws except persons within a certain number of years of the victim. This is mostly geared toward kids of legal age with an underage boyfriend or girlfriend within a couple of years of their own age. Still, 4 years is a big difference at age 12. I am so sorry for your child having had this happen to her. I do not blame you...I would not go back to that church either, and if the pastor sweeps it under the rug, he could be held legally accountable for the next victims of this perpetrator.

 

wait now, I thought Salamander had a good point. He told you to stand up and speak up about this.........how is that letting the molester off the hook?

Also, if the 16yr old CHILD is molesting other kids, than it is HER home life which also needs to be investigated. This girl is a child also, and she is going around wrecking other children's innocence because there is something going on with her.

If she isn't a member of the church, I don't know what you think the pastor ought to do. He ought to want to help BOTH girls, if he is a man of God. He probably gave you the "ok, thank you for telling me" response because he needed to go investigate the problem first. We must take an accusation at the mouth of two or three witnesses.

reformed, I understand your unwillingness to have your daughter in the same church. Id most likely leave, too, and it probably is best for your daughter's health and well-being. But don't expect the pastor to throw out this older girl yet. She needs God very much, and where is she supposed to find Him if the church throws her away and misuses her like other people probably are?

 

Bapmom,

If this was your child, you would expect us to be much kinder to you.

 

After reading through this thread I have to agree to a certain extent with Bapmom.

There needs to be consequences for this young lady, but for those consequences to be truely life changing she needs Christ. The church can't just throw her away and pretend she no longer exists. Someone must keep the connection.

Reformedbeliever, you first must protect your daughter. But you must listen to how she feels as well. Does she wish to leave the church and her friends? Or does she want to stay even though it will be a fight.

Once you are on track with the first, it is time to protect other girls from being victimized by this same perpetrator. You asked why you need a lawyer. Because everything involved in this situation is a legal issue. You have taken some steps, but others may not be clear if you don't have someone who understands how juveniles are prosecuted to show you what to do next.

The perpetrator is not only a juvenile, but she is also the same sex as the victim. This presents a whole lot of challenges for the DA and the police. Juveniles normally are not prosecuted the same way as adults. Being that she is the same sex as your daughter, her lawyer might claim that it was just girls experimenting. How is the DA supposed prove that your daughter wasn't willing? Juveniles also have greater privacy rights even when they break the law. That is why the tv news doesn't identify kids under 18 when they are suspected in a crime. That will apply here as well. There are a host of problems I can see this case and I'm not a lawyer. You need a lawyer for your family so you can understand what to expect should this case make it to trial.

If this has happened with other girls, then those parents need to get involved. Otherwise what happened with them is just gossip.

The perpetrator's sexual orientation is not evidence that she is also a child molester. Just because we Christian's think she is a prevert, doesn't mean a court of law will think so or even care.

Then too, a civil suit under sexual harassment laws might get you futher toward changing this girl's life than juvy. (of course those laws might not apply to juveniles) Or a civil suit that makes the girl (or her parents) resposible for your daughters medical bills that result from this.

Then there is the possible problem of what adults in the church knew about this girl and neglected to make known to other parents or neglected to take precautions when this girl was in attendence.

Are you confused yet? I'm confusing myself but I know that these are all things that must be thought about and there are probably more than I have mentioned. This is why you need a lawyer. A lawyer can sort through all these issues without at the same time having to deal with all the emotion you yourself are going through.

Bapmom also has a point about wondering what this girl's homelife is like. Sexual predators are made, not born. Someone needs to be investigating those issues as well. Punishment alone won't change what is wrong with this girl.

And RB, you and your wife need to take care of your own issues with this too. This is a devastating event and I can only imagine the range of feelings from anger to guilt that you must both be feeling. A visit to a counselor might also be of help to you.

You have my prayers.

 

One other word of caution...

A child should not be made to feel shame for something like this. I would be careful about overreacting to this in front of your daughter.

 

You have an obligation to protect your family. Leave, and never look back at that church. You have no obligation to put your daughter through the insanity of "worshipping" God in the same building as the person who abused her.

Protect your daughter, and apologize to no one for doing it.

peace to youraise:

 

Bad advice Sal. You NEVER purposely take a child to be with the person who sexually molested them.
That child needs to feel safe and know her parents are protecting her. Mommy and Daddy taking them to the molester is about THE worst thing they could do. Especially to take them to a church to spend time with their molestor. Let's not add insult to injury and get her equating church with that junk.
ACK!

 

Well said, Gina.

peace to youraise:

 

i am praying for your situation - i just came across this thread. totally praying.
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umm. a question. not me telling you what to do. none of that. just a simple question to try and get the marbles a little rattled:

instead of taking this predator to court. instead of making almost rude comments about this predator. not saying anyone has. instead of having a heated debate about this (cause obviously its wrong and something needs to be done).

but my question is this: have you talked to this "predator"? have you witnessed to her? have you evangelized to her? have you had a chance to meet her? not saying to take your child with you. that would be unsafe like Gina said. but have you thought of talking to this person and laying out the gospel to her? having using the law as a schoolmaster to bring her to Christ?

obviously this predator is not a christian for there is no sign of repentance. (please dont start debating on how someone is saved... there's enough threads on that)

so that's my question: have you witnessed to her?

i'll take a quote from Batman Begins: "Death does not wait for you to be ready!"
she could die tonight without the savior. what have you done to try and speak to her and warn her of the wrath to come?
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just a thought. if it sounds like im coming down on you - or criticizing you.. i dont mean to. sorry.
but its just what i believe to be a valid question...
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God bless.
gek.
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...still praying...

 

I am so sorry to hear what happened. My prayers are with you. I am going to give you advice from my peronal experience and experience from working at our County Child Protective Services for one year, working at Juvenille Hall for two (as a teachers aide) and being a foster parent. I don't claim to be an expert. I am so impressed with everyones replies here (except Salamander) so I'll try not to duplicate it.
I was also molested as a child, same age and situation as your daughter but not in church. By age 13, I had a few older boyfriends that I initiated the contact with.
First of all, This is NOT homosexuality AT ALL. You seem like a loving, caring mother so I know you would not want to use this term with regard to your daughter or her perp in any way (16 yr olds are still developing regarding sexuality, they can't BE anything yet)
This is NOT a homosexual act, otherwise, you are implying it is consentual. If your daughter thinks you have used this word to describe what occured, what does that make her? a homosexual if her body responded? That is what I feared upon being molested so to prove I wasn't a lesbian, I quickly started hitting on older men. PLEASE don't call this a homosexual act. Thanks for allowing me to say that.
There is a good possibility that your daugher's body enjoyed what was happening. Now she has a Mom who is "standing up for her" yet inside she feels guilty because it likely felt good. Having "love" from a big sister can seem appealing, and the attention is hard to stop even if it goes too far. It's great you are defending her, but keep it to a minimum ok like Magnetic Poles said. That can be WORSE than the molestation itself.
She needs someone non-judgemental to talk to. Even if you explain lovingly that sometimes our bodies can enjoy being touched that way, it can feel good, but it is still not ok in god's eyes, she will likely assume you think it felt good to her because you brought it up. I would have died if I thought my mom knew or even mentioned, it felt good.
I would obtain some info on sexual abuse which ALSO contains this information. Your daughter WILL probably believe inside it is her fault IF it felt good. If her body didn't respond, then you defending her might be what she needs most. She needs to know you care and defend her, but the level of defending is what will define her healing mostly.
She can heal if YOU are educated and loving in what to say to her, how you handle it. Please don't panick.

I believe the Pastor responded to you perfectly, that is all I would have told you is "I am sorry' over and over (at first) He must be careful, his church is open for lawsuits and break ups, and it takes time to learn what his responsibility is. Please be patient with your Pastor. He is likely hurting also from what happened, as he is not Superman. The Pastor doesn't need to be "grilled" as someone said, he needs an opportunity to do the right thing. He will probably ask that family to leave. You may not ever find out how he really handles it. If you are calm, your Pastor will likely be more prepared with answers of what happened. He may handle it in a way that he is not able to tell you what he did. Allow him time in researching sexual abuse, and his role as Pastor. He must watch his words for now.
I am for prosecution of this 16 yr old, along with more investigation into her personal life. She may be being molested too, or was. Your daughter has a wonderful mother who cares

 

Kris gave GREAT advice......I pray that this gets settled. Yes it will take time, and you all will need God's guidance and healing, but if you do nothing.....your daughter will get more confused as she gets older.
Still praying,
Milady

 

Bapmom had the most insightfull advice yet.
We used to have a "suspected" molester come reguarly. He was never convicted, but the whole community thought he did. The deacons followed him everywhere.

I know it is hard to understand, but Christ died for even child molesters.
Follow Bapmom's advice and you will not go wrong.