ChristianSingleClick

[Bartholomew]

What does anyone out there think about this advert that's at the top of all the threads? I know that Baptist Board probably needs sponsers, and think they should try to get them, but this one I find incredibly annoying and it really puts me off coming to this website. That man and woman having their heads so close together is just an invitation (for me at least) to think things I shouldn't. I am reminded of the Lord's Prayer, "Lead us not into temptation". It's not like I can avoid it on BB, is it? I mean, it's staring at me NOW as I write this! And I also find it depressing - as a single guy it makes me feel like my life isn't complete.

Anyway, I don't expect anyone to agree with me in a hurry.

 

[Artimaeus]

Me thinks thou doest protest too much. I hardly notice ads at all. It might be that your current mindset (being single) is contributing to your interest in all things devoted to singleness. It has been a long time since I was single but my sympathies go out to you. I wouyld find that a difficult road to go down.

 

[ScottEmerson]

Perhaps you can place some masking tape on your monitor while you are here, right over where the ad is - that way you can have Christian fellowship and learn more about God while not having to see the ad.

I can understand what you're going through, so I'm definitely not going to dismiss it!

 

[I Am Blessed 24]

I can't say that I have ever noticed the ad before you mentioned it...But I can relate.

When I was single, I used to hate to watch Close-Up toothpaste commercials! It does tend to make you wish you had 'someone special' in your life.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

That man and woman having their heads so close together is just an invitation (for me at least) to think things I shouldn't.

What's wrong with a man and woman showing a little affection to each other? Hey I've been single before and know that in dry times concerning relationships that you can get defensive against such things, but honestly I find that picture about as provocative as I would viewing a couple holding hands at the mall. Trust me there are far worse things on the internet to worry about. I know what your going through Bart - I've been there. In my experience as a Christian you can do one of two things:

1. Accept the fact that God just hasn't brought that person into your life yet and busy yourself with something else until he does.

2. Take the innitiative to change your situation and pursue a relationship seeking the blessing and guidence of the Lord.

There is nothing wrong with either of these approaches. I know I'm going to be chastized for this statement but you are correct, being single is incomplete. I've been single and I've been attached and now finally married. Even in the cases where I maybe didn't have the perfect relationship it was far better than being alone. Lots of people will debate this but usually do so from the vantage point of being in marriage. When you are in a marriage you will often lament the fact that you are joined by law to someone (especially if the relationship takes a downward turn) and long for the freedom that you had when you were single. You can go off on a solitary trip and make an escape from your spouse and the pressures of marriage and revel in your "virtual singleness." But unless your spouse is sueing you for divorce you always have that marriage to fall back on. Its much easier for a married person to take a brief respite (couple days vacation away) from their spouse and responsibility than it is for a single person to take a vacation from being single. Thats not to say that you should get tied up in the first thing that comes along either. God has something for you and he'll bring it when you're ready. Are you?

 

[I Am Blessed 24]

Good post Warrior.

I have learned that it is much better to want something you don't have than to have something you don't want!

 

[Bartholomew]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies. Unforunately, Scott, these aren't my own computers I'm using (they belong to my university), so I don't think the tape is such a good idea! (I know you were being sarcastic, anyway). Besides, I still find it incredibly annoying. Maybe I shouldn't - just wondered what anyone else thought.

Xingyi said there's much worse things on the net, which is true! But that still doesn't make it good.
Perhaps it is like meat sacrificed to idols?

Originally posted by Xingyi Warrior:
1. Accept the fact that God just hasn't brought that person into your life yet and busy yourself with something else until he does.

And that's the problem - the advert isn't very conducive to that way of thinking!

God has something for you and he'll bring it when you're ready. Are you?

By "something" are you refering to a person? How do you know this statement is true?

Anyway, thanks for your comments,

Your friend and bro,

Bartholomew

P.S. I still find that ad VERY annoying.

 

[computerjunkie]

Originally posted by Bartholomew:
...as a single guy it makes me feel like my life isn't complete.

Originally posted by Artimaeus:
It has been a long time since I was single but my sympathies go out to you. I wouyld find that a difficult road to go down.

Originally posted by Xingyi Warrior:
I know I'm going to be chastized for this statement but you are correct, being single is incomplete...

Well, THIS thread is uplifting, isn't it?

Have any of you ever read THIS?

"As you have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, SO WALK IN HIM, ROOTED AND BUILT UP IN HIM AND ESTABLISHED IN THE FAITH, as you have been taught, ABOUNDING IN IT WITH THANKSGIVING. Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; AND YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM, who is the head of all principality and power. Col 2:6-10 (NKJV)

I am single, and I choose to dwell on the fact that I am COMPLETE IN CHRIST!!!

He is ALL I need at this particular point in my life.

So, please don't keep saying you are incomplete just because you are not married, and please don't offer sympathies to those who are not married. Rejoice with us that God has allowed us to be COMPLETE IN HIM, in spite of being single!!

(And, by the way, I didn't notice the ad until it was mentioned, and I don't see it as a distraction or a problem.)

 

[RaptureReady]

I in some way don't like it either. It's funny a member of BB would bring this up because yesterday, a friend of mine was looking over my shoulder and he said, "what are you doing, looking for a date?" I said excuse me? He pointed out the banner in question. I think there could be a better banner than the one that is there.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

So, please don't keep saying you are incomplete just because you are not married, and please don't offer sympathies to those who are not married. Rejoice with us that God has allowed us to be COMPLETE IN HIM, in spite of being single!!

Computerjunkie you are overgeneralizing. Different people respond differently to different circumstances. An interesting phenomena occuring is that online Christian dating sites, such as the one linked above that started this whole thread, are fastly becoming more prevalent than non-Christian dating sites. Why is this? Something is rotten in Denmark, or perhaps being single is not so great after all. I will say it now and say it again and again BEING SINGLE STINKS - for me and people who share my sentiments. People such as yourself may not, but I'm not going to generalize and blanket everyone with the same assertions based upon my narrow perception of how the world should operate.
It is especially difficult if you have previously had a sexual relationship with someone. Recent converts and divorcees fall into that category. Its not about being "complete in Christ" as much as it is entering into a transitional phase in our lives when we are ready for changes. We also are subject to "rendering unto Ceasar" as we live in a world wrought by sin that has managed to tear down the traditional institutions that served as introduction and matchmaking services (friends, family, community events). So if being single is so great then why are the Christian matchmaking services enjoying an unprecedented boom and why are so many singles in churches, such as Bartholomew, so dissatisfied with their lives? If being single is so great then the World would have no population problems as people would choose that lifestyle over marriage and not reproduce. I've observed many people like you over the years that seemed to be riding the blissful "satisfied with where I am" wave in their Christian walk, content with being single. It never lasted and if they continued in their situation for any lengthy time they got dissatisfied and longed to experience that which was evading them. In the end I believe that it is our responsibility to take charge of our lives in that respect. If you are lonely - take steps to change it. Just as if you need a new job - go apply for new ones. Always pray about it. Bartholomew get out and change your life. The world is not going to change for you. You, however, are capable of changing it.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

And that's the problem - the advert isn't very conducive to that way of thinking!

Well then click on the link. Who knows? Just might be what you needed.

By "something" are you refering to a person? How do you know this statement is true?

No I was actually referring to a 400 lb Bengal Tiger that will bite your jugular and drag you offstage. Humor.
God wants you to marry. If you have the desire to be fulfilled in that part of your life then God will provide the means. I've found that most of the time in my life when God isn't moving like I think he should it's because I've got some ground work to do before he can. Marriage is a tough go. The beatles song "All you need is love" is an irony becauser anyone that is or has been married knows better. Stress can take its toll on even the most solid committments. You might take a look at your life and ask yourself:
1. Am I financially stable enough to accomodate serious committments in my life right now?
2. Am I emotionally ready for such committments?
3. Are there any changes I could could make in myself, perhaps physically, or personality-wise to make my situation more optimistic, and God's job a lot easier?
God wants your marriage to succeed but he's not going to toss you the golden fleece when the circumstances in your life are commensurate to its ruin.

[ October 10, 2003, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: Xingyi Warrior ]

 

[Baptist in Richmond]

Originally posted by HomeBound:
I in some way don't like it either. It's funny a member of BB would bring this up because yesterday, a friend of mine was looking over my shoulder and he said, "what are you doing, looking for a date?" I said excuse me? He pointed out the banner in question. I think there could be a better banner than the one that is there.

Contact the webmaster, and he/she will advise you to whom the check is to be made. It may be something simple like "Baptistboard.com" or it could be the webmaster's name.

Seriously folks: running this board takes capital. Servers do not grow on trees, nor does storage, bandwidth, and net access. Since we are not paying for access, the money has to come from somewhere.

I may drop them a note to thank them for supporting the board. I am already married so I cannot patronize them...

[ October 10, 2003, 09:45 PM: Message edited by: Baptist in Richmond ]

 

[Trotter]

Some people have what I have heard called "the gift of singleness." I am not one of them.

I met my wife in high school (back when I was a "heathen"), and we were married the December after graduation. This Dec. 1st, we will have been married for 17 years (and engaged for one year before that). So what is my point?

I know that I could not make it as a single man. And the only way that I could maintain anything even akin to integrity would have to be through marriage (never mind that I am--still--head over heels in love with my wife...eat your hearts out, guys). God has pointed out to me that, in order for me to be in a position of use to Him, I must be clean...morally clean. And if I were not married, I would not be before long. As Paul said, "It is better to marry than to burn."

If being single is not your area of giftedness, start by praying. I know that you already are, but try a different tact. Instead of begging God for a mate, agree with Him that He knows what is best for you and that He has your best interests at heart. Allow yourself to give Him "permission" to guide your life in His time. By agreeing to let God work this out through you, you open up a whole new door for God to use in your life.

Anytime that we want God to move, we want Him to move NOW!!! And, as we all know, God doesn't take orders (unless you claim it and stand on it...and He still doesn't ). We torture ourselves with anxiety and worry over those things that we cannot change. By letting Him have control, we are freed to be at His disposal. Besides, His choices are always so much better than ours.

Please understand, I am not belittling either side here. But I can sympathise with those who are in distress over their singleness.

In Christ,
Trotter

 

[computerjunkie]

Well said, Trotter. And I also can sympathize with their distress. However, if one repeatedly says, "I feel so incomplete" and "being single stinks", then pretty soon one DOES feel incomplete and being single probably DOES stink.

God has given us so many wonderful promises in His Word to counteract those thoughts. He promises to NEVER leave us or forsake us. He tells us we are ALIVE in Christ and we are COMPLETE in Him. THOSE promises are where we should be focusing our thoughts...NOT on how miserable we feel.

Divorce is rampant in this country even among Christians. I think part of it is because so many people are so desperate NOT to be alone, they search anywhere for a mate, including searching outside of God's will and plan. Philippians 4:11 says, "for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content".

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. Phil 4:8

 

[Trotter]

I concur. Divorce is rampant in America, especially among Christians.

By giving God the open door to move in one's life (as far as marriage goes), one is able to release that particular burden to Him, knowing that He is working it out. Some would say, "Try not to think about it." Good advice, if you can. But for many, the sparkle of sexual temptation and lust are far more inviting that a life of celibacy.

God has His plan for each of us. If we are willing to let Him lead, He will accomplish His good will in His time...and, no, that is not easy for me to say...I am waiting on His will to be done in several situations right now, and it is not easy.

In Christ,
Trotter

 

[HeDied4U]

I Am Blessed 16 has {wisely} said...

I have learned that it is much better to want something you don't have than to have something you don't want!

AMEN!!!

God Bless!!!

Adam

 

[computerjunkie]

Originally posted by Xingyi Warrior:
I've observed many people like you over the years that seemed to be riding the blissful "satisfied with where I am" wave in their Christian walk, content with being single. It never lasted and if they continued in their situation for any lengthy time they got dissatisfied and longed to experience that which was evading them.

Xingyi, I'm sorry you have never met many people who's joy in the Lord "lasted". There are some people who do not consider being content with their life as being just a "blissful wave", but as a deep commitment and joy in the Lord. I hope He brings some of them into your life! They really are quite nice!!

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

I hope He brings some of them into your life! They really are quite nice!!

He already has computerjunkie! And that person happens to be my wife of 8 years who finally put an end to the seemingly endless turmoil brought about by sexual temptations that plagued me and made me an inneffective Christian for so many years.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

God has given us so many wonderful promises in His Word to counteract those thoughts. He promises to NEVER leave us or forsake us. He tells us we are ALIVE in Christ and we are COMPLETE in Him. THOSE promises are where we should be focusing our thoughts...NOT on how miserable we feel.

Computerjunkie what you propose works well in theory and I might add works fine for some people. But I as Trotter admitted had lots of problems with being single. Before I was a serious Christian I was sexually active. When I began living my life with the main goal of striving to serve God, I was constantly struggling with sexual temptation and I fell many times. I spent years going down to the alter time after time but I never could overcome the temptations. It ruined my effectiveness as a Christian. What didn't help was the prevailing attitude in the church that I attended that being single was a gift and according to Paul was "better than marriage". So not only did I have to live with the constant battle with my temptations, but with a burgeoning guilt trip as well. Looking back I honestly can say that had I not gotten married I would have probably fallen away altogether as I see no way that I could have overcome my problems otherwise. I knew many people who were single and struggling as I that did fall away mostly because they felt that the Christian walk required more than they were capable of giving. I know, I was close. Computerjunkie, you may not be predisposed to problems with sexual temptation, and if so I and many people who suffer from the same problems that I did when I was single, envy you. You may indeed have a gift, but like all gifts from God, certain people get some and others different ones. Sexual temptation is a very powerful weapon of the enemy, and I would go so far as to say that it is more powerful than most others. The people who are subject to these assaults should not be stereotyped and preached down to or told that they just aren't walking with God as they should. That only puts a guilt trip on them and makes it harder, if not impossible, for them to achieve any real victory in their lives.

 

[Bartholomew]

Originally posted by Baptist in Richmond:
Seriously folks: running this board takes capital. Servers do not grow on trees, nor does storage, bandwidth, and net access. Since we are not paying for access, the money has to come from somewhere.

Hey, I agree! That is why I am not telling (or even asking!) anyone it should be removed. It's not my Baptist Board, anyway. I just thought I'd start a topic to tell people how it annoys me, though, and see what they thought.