I was saved when I was nineteen years old. I remember that evening like it was yesterday. I can still sense the smells of the fairgrounds where the revival took place, I can still see the evangelist as plain as day. I can still recall being baptized two weeks after. That was 1985, and just over two years ago, after a somewhat tumultous young adult life, I re-committed my life to Christ at my church, requested and was baptized again.
We as christians are expected to believe in quite a bit, without solid evidenciary proof to back up some beliefs. There are times when that is difficult and times when it seems to be very elementary.
To believe, to discipline oneself, to continue to thrive towards "Christ-likeness" in many respects should not be a difficult style of life, yet times I find myself confronted with things that are appealing to my senses, that are pleasing to the eye, sweet to the smell, and pleasing to the touch. Things that deep down inside I know are not right, according to scripture and the discipline of Godly living, yet there are times I find myself failing in that aspect.
Then I ask forgiveness from my heavenly Father, and yet even at some times when I am asking forgiveness, I feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed that I am asking forgiveness for something that I should not have done in the first place. It's times like those that I feel I could thoroughly entertain an argument for the possibility of either losing the salvation that was given to me that October evening in 1985, or the possibility that I was merely going through the motions. Yet, if it was not real, then why is it so vivid in my memory? Why is it that I do not feel afraid of death, or of the rapture? Why do I look forward to spending eternity with Christ and the saints, when I have trouble keeping commandments and instruction while I'm here wading through this earthly life?
I know that a christian is known by his/her fruits, and if that entails helping people come to God and accept His gift of salvation, then I guess those who I've witnessed to and counseled and have committed to Christ would offer a small testimony to that.
Maybe it's an age thing...perhaps it's just because I'm not as learned as I should be, and perhaps it's possible that I've not "listened" to Gods voice as often as I should. I imagine also that in some ways I've kicked back on my "spiritual laurels" and have not been as much of a servant as I should.
I've listened to those who do not believe in spirituality, who do not believe in God, or the bible, or a combination of those speak in discussions and it saddens me that there are those who won't even admit the possibility of God, who don't give any credence to Christ as savior, yet who have high standards of living that make others who I know to be christians pale in comparison, sometimes including myself.
So, after going through the trainwreck that is things that I'm going through currently, would any of you more astute believers have any words of encouragement, suggestions, advice, or instruction that might help me nail down what it is that is going on in my life, and help me extinguish the "war" that I sometimes feel emblazened on the inside?
thank you for reading, and thank you for your thoughts in advance.
Woody
We as christians are expected to believe in quite a bit, without solid evidenciary proof to back up some beliefs. There are times when that is difficult and times when it seems to be very elementary.
To believe, to discipline oneself, to continue to thrive towards "Christ-likeness" in many respects should not be a difficult style of life, yet times I find myself confronted with things that are appealing to my senses, that are pleasing to the eye, sweet to the smell, and pleasing to the touch. Things that deep down inside I know are not right, according to scripture and the discipline of Godly living, yet there are times I find myself failing in that aspect.
Then I ask forgiveness from my heavenly Father, and yet even at some times when I am asking forgiveness, I feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed that I am asking forgiveness for something that I should not have done in the first place. It's times like those that I feel I could thoroughly entertain an argument for the possibility of either losing the salvation that was given to me that October evening in 1985, or the possibility that I was merely going through the motions. Yet, if it was not real, then why is it so vivid in my memory? Why is it that I do not feel afraid of death, or of the rapture? Why do I look forward to spending eternity with Christ and the saints, when I have trouble keeping commandments and instruction while I'm here wading through this earthly life?
I know that a christian is known by his/her fruits, and if that entails helping people come to God and accept His gift of salvation, then I guess those who I've witnessed to and counseled and have committed to Christ would offer a small testimony to that.
Maybe it's an age thing...perhaps it's just because I'm not as learned as I should be, and perhaps it's possible that I've not "listened" to Gods voice as often as I should. I imagine also that in some ways I've kicked back on my "spiritual laurels" and have not been as much of a servant as I should.
I've listened to those who do not believe in spirituality, who do not believe in God, or the bible, or a combination of those speak in discussions and it saddens me that there are those who won't even admit the possibility of God, who don't give any credence to Christ as savior, yet who have high standards of living that make others who I know to be christians pale in comparison, sometimes including myself.
So, after going through the trainwreck that is things that I'm going through currently, would any of you more astute believers have any words of encouragement, suggestions, advice, or instruction that might help me nail down what it is that is going on in my life, and help me extinguish the "war" that I sometimes feel emblazened on the inside?
thank you for reading, and thank you for your thoughts in advance.
Woody
What do you mean BM
