One thing I want to make very clear: I am not condoning young couples running off and living together without the knowledge of their families and other people, in an attempt to live in a marriage they know their family doesn't approve of. Be open, be honest. If one has true convictions about involving the government in a marriage, this can be talked about with family, and a home ceremony performed, but if it's truly an issue and will cause strife in the family, it's not an issue that's worth it at this point in time. Most people do NOT have strong convictions that say the government should not be involved in marriage.
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Who are we to rebel against the authorities that God has ordained and set over us? Do you consider yourself an outlaw? “Submit yourself to the higher authorities.” That is speaking of government.
Strive to keep peace. Strive to live as Christ would have us live. There is a difference between convictions and what you think is ok. What you think is ok doesn't always have to be what you have to do, and can even be wrong if you do it with the knowledge that it will cause strife. Conviction from the Holy Spirit is very very different than something being alright in and of itself.
James 1:8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
You seem to be preaching the humanistic relativism taught in the public schools. There are not absolutes. What is right for you is not necessarily right for me. What is wrong for you is not necessarily wrong for you. There are not absolutes. In fact that is the only absolute (There are no absolutes).
Is that right Gina? Is that your philosophy? Is that what your brand of Christianity teaches you? Would Christ convict some people to marry according to the law, and convict others to marry without the law? Does Christ have two standards on this matter? Is God himself confused? Is keeping peace in the family more important to you than keeping the law?
If I were to remarry, which isn't happening anytime soon, and I chose not to involve the government, I would inform all of my family and friends of my intentions. I would seek their approval, make they understood my position, and involve them in whatever we decided would constitute our commitment, whether it was words spoken by a father (and ideally that would be the case) or a simple prayer between myself and my future husband. If it was really an issue for someone and would cause them to stumble, although I don't see how it would, I would seriously reconsider the method for their sake.
And in the eyes of most people in our society and in the eyes of the government you would be living common-law. Or what other people say—shacked up; still others—slanderously committing fornication. You “marriage” as you call it, would not be legitimate, not in the eyes of God, not in the eyes of man.
Let me give you an example. There was a preacher giving a seminar on the family. The subject of marriage came up. He had views much the same as yours stemming from his views from separation of church and state. One young person asked him: “Do you believe that two people exchanging vows, sincerely with each other, in the presence of one or two witnesses, constitutes a proper marriage in God’s eyes? The preacher didn’t know he was being set up. He answered according to his belief system: “Yes, that is right.”
Shortly afterward two young people (still in their teens) gathered a couple of their best friends together, and said their vows to each other in front of their friends in a secluded place. Then they started living together with the pretense that they were married. Both came from good Christian families. It was a shock to both parents of both families. The people of both churches involved and others in the community considered that these young people were simply shacked-up, and living together. No one recognized their marriage for what it was. It was a sham—an excuse for living together. It was a scandal. It was against their parents’ wishers, their pastors’ wishes, the wishes of many others that cared for them. Though no one could look into the bedroom, if they indeed were having sex, it was fornication. It was outside of the bounds of marriage.
They finally repented of their wickedness, confessed their sin before the church, and agreed to have a legalized marriage according to the law of the land by a licensed pastor. It would have to be very small now. It certainly wouldn’t have been all that the bride’s parents would have wanted for their daughter, but the damage had already been done. A broken “wedding” had to be fixed because of the foolishness of two young people who had listened to the wrong advise of a preacher who had no respect for the law. What a tragedy!
I just want to make sure that people know I am not condoning/advising/promoting couples going off and living together and using the lack of government involvement as an excuse and an okay for possibly unethical/unbiblical actions/lifestyles.
You already have condoned that.
Now let’s look at what the Bible says:
First note that after the Flood, God set up a dispensation of government. There were laws put in place such as the law of capital punishment in Gen.9:6. But these laws were to be administered by the various societies that existed at that time. And the laws and customs varied from place to place, even as they do to this day.
Genesis 24:2-3 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
--The taking of an oath was solemnized by a symbolic gesture. Here in a court of law we place our hand on the Bible. More casually we shake hands on a deal. But then one put his hand under the thigh, thus making a promise to keep what he vowed. Abraham made his servant vow that he would not take a wife for Isaac from among the Canaanites.
Genesis 24:9 And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.
Genesis 24:33 And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.
--The servant arrives at the house of Laban and insists on telling of his errand, the mission that Abraham sent him on.
Genesis 24:49-51 And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left. Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.
--Both Laban and Bethuel recognize that thus far everything that has befallen the servant is from God. They give permission for Rebekkeh at this point to go with him and be the wife of Isaak.
Genesis 24:53 And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
--Notice a dowry is given. This is in accordance with the customs of the land. In some lands today it is not only customary but lawful. One cannot marry their daughter without a dowry. The servant doesn’t expect to receive a bride for nothing (without some expression of gratitude). His master is very rich, and Laban also knows this.
Genesis 24:54 And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
--Here, one might say is the wedding feast. They ate and drank, and feasted all night long. Then finally the morning came and the servant wanted to depart immediately. His work there had been accomplished.
Genesis 24:58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
--Notice the question and answer put to Rebekah:
Wilt thou go with this man.
I wilt go.
--The nature of this question and this answer has not changed to this day. “Will you be this man’s wife? I will.”
Genesis 24:60 And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
--After the affirmation of her vow to be his wife she is given a blessing like none other—that she will be the mother of an innumerable progeny, and that her offspring would conquer even the territories of her enemies.
Where could one find more of a wedding vow and ceremony than in these few verses right here. Let us keep in mind that they did not have the modern transportation that we have. Had they possessed cars, trains, planes, etc. the entire wedding party would have gone straight to Abraham’s house and all celebrated the entire wedding ceremony and feast right there. But this was done at a distance. They had to have the ceremony without the groom. They would no longer ever see their daughter again. Both a feast and a ceremony, and a blessing were in place here. It was all done according to the laws and customs of the land.
Genesis 24:65-67 For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
--Finally the Bridal party reaches Isaac. It says that Isaac took Rebekah, and she became his wife. It doesn’t hive us all the details. It doesn’t say how much of a ceremony there was. The very next verse (in just one verse) tells us that Abraham took Keturah for a wife. But it gives no other details about the marriage. The Bible does not always furnish us the details that we are looking for. Just because it is silent here about any ceremony doesn’t necessarily mean that there wasn’t one. However, it does say, “she became his wife, and he loved her.”
Genesis 28:1-2 And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother's brother.
--Now it is time for Isaac to find a wife for his son Jacob, and he sends him back to the same household: Laban’s.
Genesis 29:11-12 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's brother, and that he was Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father.
--Jacob sees Rachel and finding out who she was it appears that it is love at first sight, although probably he is more relieved that he has found the right place after traveling such a great distance.
Genesis 29:14-23 And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month. And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be? And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me. And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast. And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
--Now consider this story and all that is involved here.
Laban compels Jacob to abide with him, for he is a relative.
They discuss the matter of wages. What did Jacob want?
Jacob loved Rachel, and said that he would work for seven years for his daughter Rachel. A contract was made. There were legalities involved.
He worked for the seven years. A
public wedding ceremony was held. Jacob was deliberately deceived by Laban.
Genesis 29:25-27 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me? And Laban said,
It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
--
It must not be so done in our country. speaks to custom. Going against such custom is going against the wishes of the family, which also results in rebellion on the part of the child in many cases. This may have not been the case here. Here it was Laban’s deceitful heart trying to get the most out of Jacob as he possibly could. He knew that God had richly blessed him.
He was told to “fulfill her week.” In other words he would work another seven years for Rachel. That was another contract that he made, all according to the due process of law. It did involve law!
Genesis 31:41 Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times.
--The total time Jacob served Laban was 20 years.
John 2:7-8 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
--This was not a wedding held in secret. It was public. There was a ceremony. It had a governor. Both saved and unsaved were invited, indicating that it was more civil than it was religious. There is nothing to indicate that this was in any way a religiously conducted marriage. The very fact that they had a governor of the feast points otherwise.
Matthew 25:1 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
Matthew 25:10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
--One can learn much from the parable of the Ten Virgins, another wedding ceremony.
Only those that had prepared themselves for the wedding were allowed in. There were obviously some restrictions put in place so that not everyone could attend.
Matthew 22:2 The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,
--This was a civil wedding.
Matthew 22:3 And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.
Matthew 22:8-9 Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy. Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.
--Note that those that did come were from very poor backgrounds.
Matthew 22:11-13 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
--Because they were from poor backgrounds they no doubt were given a robe upon entering the marriage grounds. He had nothing of his own to give. But he was not wearing that which had been given to him. Those who refuse the gift of righteousness provided by Christ will suffer the same fate. Salvation is a free gift.
Now look at the marriage ceremony of Samson in Judges 14:
Judges 14:1-2 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
Samson wanted this woman as his wife. What had to be done to get her?
Judges 14:7 And he went down, and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well.
--An introductory meeting went well.
Judges 14:10-11 So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do. And it came to pass, when they saw him, that they brought thirty companions to be with him. (companions = groomsmen)
--There was a feast and the groomsmen came with Samson.
Judges 14:19-20 And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father's house. But Samson's wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.
--Samson was deceived and his bride was given to another.
Judges 15:1-2 But it came to pass within a while after, in the time of wheat harvest, that Samson visited his wife with a kid; and he said, I will go in to my wife into the chamber. But her father would not suffer him to go in. And her father said, I verily thought that thou hadst utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to thy companion: is not her younger sister fairer than she? take her, I pray thee, instead of her.
--The last act in the ceremony was the conducting of the bride to the bridal chamber, where the ceremony was conducted. This is the chamber that is spoken of here. It was a civil ceremony. But Samson was denied.
Every wedding in the Bible was according to the laws and customs of the land. Jesus never went contrary to the law, thus every wedding in some sense was a civil wedding. Never is a wedding ceremony put strictly under the jurisdiction of a church. It is a God-ordained institution. All that means is that God ordained marriage, the family unit. As he ordained the institution of the government, and the local church. We need them all. The family is the building block of our society. Any kind of sex outside the marriage union is wrong and illicit. That goes for homosexuality to fornication. If one is married outside the legal bounds of marriage they commit fornication.
DHK
[ April 19, 2006, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: DHK ]
