Courtship

My and my boyfriend were friends for about a year and a half when we both decided that we had very strong feelings for each other. We talked about things and decided to "date" as I called it.

The only problem was, that at the time I was not a Christian and he was saved. He had relayed to me several times that he would not marry someone who was not a Christian, but at the time...to be honest, I thought he was ****** and that he would "get over it". We continued our relationship for a year. Here is the thing, I had always been curious about christianity, but I never outright said anything. Slowly he would work in his religion into our conversations. In a way teaching me about God, but at the time I did not know it, I thought they were just "discussions". The discussions became more frequent, but I still would try not to take them to heart.

I'll be quite honest. At the time I was not of the best moral standing. I was seventeen and had just moved out of my parents home. I lived an hour away from him and on the weekends we were not around each other I would go to partys, drink, go to raves, and did my share of drugs. I was heading in a downward spiral. It was like I could not go a day without abusing myself. And David, my boyfriend, was my total oppisate, he never cursed, he would not set foot in a club, and he had completly diffrent morals then me. Granted he was not perfect, no one is. But, I had never had someone set an example to me like he did.

And then one day, the worst thing in my life happend to me. And for once there was not enough drugs, enough partys or enough friends to make it better. I tried to find every way out of the situation that I could, but as each day passed I was getting more and more depressed and outright scared. And my boyfriend, who was a part of this thing, told me that the only way it was going to get better is if I took everything to God.

I was skeptical, very very skeptical. But In a way I wanted to go. And so one Sunday in October we attended our first church service together. He laughs sometimes and talks about how much I was shaking, and I was very freaked out and shocked when people I did not know came up to me and hugged me, but I like it, and I wanted to go back. Shortly after that he bought me my first bible, and then in November we found a church that we both loved, the same church that I got saved in.

There is a moral here. The only thing that created and saved our relationship is God. I truely believe that God put David in my life. I guess that if David would have done like he probably should have done and stayed far away from me, I might have refused to listen to what God wanted me to do. I was not about to listen to someone on the street or someone I met randomly, I was a loner and very hard headed.

David never knew about my wild weekends, or if he did he never brings them up. One time I tried to tell him, to say that I was sorry. But he told me that the past is past and that there was no reason to bring it up anymore. But believe me I ran so fast from my old life and friends, you would have blinked and missed me. I could not stay in that enviroment, I moved behind my church, I'm drug and alcohal free, and I'm just happier. I want a diffrent life then I used to want. Maybe sometimes God uses diffrent ways to get to people. I mean before you could not drag me into a church, and now I wish it was open more often.

When I ask David why he stuck through it, he always say's that he just "knew I would come around". Maybe God let him in from the start.

I don't know much about courting, I just know God has the upper hand in deciding what happens. And I guess that's why he will lead you to do what's right. I'm twenty now and I've been with David for three and a half years. We are not getting married until next year. But we do have regular conversations with our paster about our relationship and about the things we will face when we get married. I would not have anything less then a Godly husband now that I'm saved. I can't see a marriage surviving without God. So I guess that's the bottom line.

Hi!

Ashley

 

Adam, there is one more thing about courtship that you should consider. It is designed to go fairly smoothly and quickly. The gentleman is usually expected to have his finances and education in order before courtship occurs. This is because courship is almost like engagement. It is a time for you to get to know one another and each others families with the intention of proposal and marriage. Usually engagements that follow courtship are only a few months long. (about 6)

What you are describing seems to be serious dating, with the possibility of marriage. I understand that you want to take all precautions to keep yourselves from temptation and heartache by involving your families and making a serious commitment to making your relationship work. That is truly admirable! If you choose to do it this way, it can be done with lots of prayer, accountability, and supervision.

True courtship is not for the faint of heart, because it involves preparation for marriage in every aspect. If you don't think you are ready to buy and home and support a wife, then you might want to think seriously about slowing things way down. The real dangers can occur when too long of a period is given.

I certainly don't mean rush it either! I do know that you are only 19, and you have plenty of time to think this through. I know you are a bright young man who wants to serve the Lord and seek His will. He will guide you in this decision as well.

Lovingly, "Mother" Joy

 

Wow Adam, your only 19! That's great! I don't think I've met anyone your age that acts as mature and level headed!

Ashley

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by flyfree432:
Thank you. I think you are quite correct and what we are thinking about is courting I think, but I don't think we are ready for that. I will discuss this with her as soon as I get a chance. This is tough stuff so we have a lot of thinking to do.

Until next Post, Adam<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

...and a lot of praying, I hope...

 

Adam,

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It is not rocket science but too many times in dating relationships that mutual respect is lost, and lost all to easy. The woman or man can easily become a possession. In other words "he's mine" or "she's mine" which is not true until the two are married. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

True, and I guess I have to thank my parents for teaching me how to treat others of the opposite sex with respect, friends or otherwise. Now my wife is "Mine" but even after you're married, she is not a possession.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> We do hug, as friends, but I will not kiss her until we are married (if we marry) out of respect for her and because I am not willing to put myself in a position that I could be tempted to stumble. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Both are fine, its when you combine the two that you might get yourself in trouble!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> "Dating" As youth define it today is an "anything goes" definition. I could explain this further but I think you know what I am talking about. Me and several of my friends have choosen to call our approach to relationships courting because we don't want to be associated with traditional dating, which though Joshua Harris may be somewhat extreme in some of his views, makes an excellent point is ungodly.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

By that definition of dating, I guess I agree. I just did not view my behavior as Courtship (at least what some churches around me called courtship) just the way I ought to behave as a Christian who was dating!

Sounds like you are on the right track