Not sure where else to post this, and I'm not going to give any details due to it being perceived as dirty laundry, but how are you supposed to deal with people who are recently retired early but aren't aging well at all? I and several family members are being greatly stressed out due to behavior that is full of paranoid/persecutory delusions and backbiting. Everybody is out to get them so they're going to talk very badly about everyone to the point that it is highly stressing if not downright destroying relationships. It is getting out of hand and it isn't just me who is dealing with it. Being on the receiving end of a 3 hour long drunken disparaging rant was the last straw for me.
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dealing with unhealthy family relationships
- Thread starter corndogggy
- Start date
What you describe may not have anything to do with age or with retirement, but with alcoholism.
I suggest, gently, either some material from or meetings with Al-Anon. And the book Boundaries by Townsend.
They can help you set healthy boundaries and learn how to enforce them without behaving in a way that isn't a good witness of your faith.
And of course, if that doesn't work or IF you are sure the drunkenness was a one time only thing, might not hurt to suggest counseling and a good physical. Early onset dementia, low oxygen levels, and mental illness can all force a person into "early retirement" aka getting fired, and then the results are not pretty.
And major life changes, like retirement, can worsen underlying problems, like alcoholism.
Praying!
I suggest, gently, either some material from or meetings with Al-Anon. And the book Boundaries by Townsend.
They can help you set healthy boundaries and learn how to enforce them without behaving in a way that isn't a good witness of your faith.
And of course, if that doesn't work or IF you are sure the drunkenness was a one time only thing, might not hurt to suggest counseling and a good physical. Early onset dementia, low oxygen levels, and mental illness can all force a person into "early retirement" aka getting fired, and then the results are not pretty.
And major life changes, like retirement, can worsen underlying problems, like alcoholism.
Praying!
My wife grew up in a setting where her father was very abusive. Verbally and physically. In today's language he would probably be diagnosed as bipolar but back in the day he was considered as just being the king of his castle. He never consumed alcohol but his Lucky Strikes apparently came without the cellophane wrapping.
The old boy died at 58 years old back in 1980. Emphysema. His oldest son died in Vietnam. His second son has died with emphysema and now, his third son is on oxygen 24 - 7 for the same condition. The sins of the parents...
He had no use for God and cursed anyone who believed..., or even attended church. My wife and I both believed and attended.
These folks are on a collision course with their destiny and up front..., there isn't much one can do. When they decide to alter their behavior some progress might be realized.
In the meantime..., about all you can do is vacate the premises and leave them to their own devices. I'm not even sure prayer will help.
The old boy died at 58 years old back in 1980. Emphysema. His oldest son died in Vietnam. His second son has died with emphysema and now, his third son is on oxygen 24 - 7 for the same condition. The sins of the parents...
He had no use for God and cursed anyone who believed..., or even attended church. My wife and I both believed and attended.
These folks are on a collision course with their destiny and up front..., there isn't much one can do. When they decide to alter their behavior some progress might be realized.
In the meantime..., about all you can do is vacate the premises and leave them to their own devices. I'm not even sure prayer will help.
this is good.....
I have seen my share of dysfunctional families in my career. For three years I ran a county wide alcohol and drug counseling program and I was amazed with the people there for help.
I was also involved in some community based counseling programs, and working three evenings a week [in three different communities] as a crisis counselor for Parents Anonymous for four years, I had my share of folks like you speak of., and a good number of these parents had alcohol and drug issues!
And what was even sadder, was the fact that these parents were there because the courts ordered them there due to child abuse, and the courts giving them second, third and fourth chances to keep their families together.
Even so, I would be remiss if I didn't mention how dysfunctional the world we now life in, has become? And once again it is often that way because of alcohol and drug abuse. And I have to wonder if some of the rage and anger on this board is not also caused by the same evil?
It is easy to become frustrated, and dismayed, to the point where we throw up our hands and just walk away! However, that is where being a believer comes into focus. We have a responsibility to pray for these folks, and to confront them, even if confronting is met with anger and long term hostility! We do not need to play their games, which is why Jesus said to shake the dust from your sandals and move on, but we have a moral responsibility to the potential victims, and if that means turning an abusive personality over to the law enforcement folks or welfare, that is just some avenues we have to use as tools to remedy this kind of behavior.
There is also a great tool where the family and friends come together and confront the person! Granted it can end two ways. Alienating them further, or their admission for the need to get help!
I grieve with you CD, because I have witnessed some similar behaviors in my own family, and the walls still remain, even though I've attempted to reach beyond those walls. Dysfunctional families is not uncommon, but remember that the dysfunction is rooted in the sin nature and evill itself!
I have seen my share of dysfunctional families in my career. For three years I ran a county wide alcohol and drug counseling program and I was amazed with the people there for help.
I was also involved in some community based counseling programs, and working three evenings a week [in three different communities] as a crisis counselor for Parents Anonymous for four years, I had my share of folks like you speak of., and a good number of these parents had alcohol and drug issues!
And what was even sadder, was the fact that these parents were there because the courts ordered them there due to child abuse, and the courts giving them second, third and fourth chances to keep their families together.
Even so, I would be remiss if I didn't mention how dysfunctional the world we now life in, has become? And once again it is often that way because of alcohol and drug abuse. And I have to wonder if some of the rage and anger on this board is not also caused by the same evil?
It is easy to become frustrated, and dismayed, to the point where we throw up our hands and just walk away! However, that is where being a believer comes into focus. We have a responsibility to pray for these folks, and to confront them, even if confronting is met with anger and long term hostility! We do not need to play their games, which is why Jesus said to shake the dust from your sandals and move on, but we have a moral responsibility to the potential victims, and if that means turning an abusive personality over to the law enforcement folks or welfare, that is just some avenues we have to use as tools to remedy this kind of behavior.
There is also a great tool where the family and friends come together and confront the person! Granted it can end two ways. Alienating them further, or their admission for the need to get help!
I grieve with you CD, because I have witnessed some similar behaviors in my own family, and the walls still remain, even though I've attempted to reach beyond those walls. Dysfunctional families is not uncommon, but remember that the dysfunction is rooted in the sin nature and evill itself!
I've seen the same thing because my wife is a family attorney. Usually it is total white trash who acts like this though. I never imagined that a church going retired couple who at least used to make good money would act like on the same level as a meth head.
Best I can figure it is stress over money. They didn't really plan for retirement, they're on a smaller fixed income now, and they blew through a 6 digit settlement within a year, thinking that several major purchases (new camper/car/mower/garage/tractor/boat/etc.) would make their lives easier, but in reality they just have some nice toys that cause even more financial stress due to maintenance and taxes. They're in a bad spot and looking for someone to blame, and the stress may have kicked the alcoholism up a few notches. I don't know what else to think, or what to do about it even if true.
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