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Dear Abby: But the in-laws
- Thread starter Salty
- Start date
Husband must cleave to his wife, they are now their own family, and the husband needs to set up firm boundaries with both his parents and the in-laws. In this case it seems the groom's parents are not the problem, but rather the bride's. Sometimes I've found it useful to have the wife address issues with her parents first. Then if the hint isn't taken I typically come in later and make things crystal clear.
My wife and I have issues with her parents flying cover for our children to avoid spankings (I.E the grandparents not telling us who hit who), as well as her parents arguing with us over spankings when we're in the middle of trying to discipline the kids (telling us that one of the children doesn't need a spanking and telling us that they're sick and tired of spankings, etc). We both agree this is unacceptable.
We handled it by the wife flat out telling them we are not interested in their opinion on this matter. And then when they refused to listen I later made it clear that we don't want them to leave, but if they insist on interfering with us raising our children according to God's Word they will not be welcome. That has stopped them for now.
Something similar needs to be done in this case.
My wife and I have issues with her parents flying cover for our children to avoid spankings (I.E the grandparents not telling us who hit who), as well as her parents arguing with us over spankings when we're in the middle of trying to discipline the kids (telling us that one of the children doesn't need a spanking and telling us that they're sick and tired of spankings, etc). We both agree this is unacceptable.
We handled it by the wife flat out telling them we are not interested in their opinion on this matter. And then when they refused to listen I later made it clear that we don't want them to leave, but if they insist on interfering with us raising our children according to God's Word they will not be welcome. That has stopped them for now.
Something similar needs to be done in this case.
HatedByAll
Active Member
When I read that, I had to find the article to see if there was more to it. Here is the link Dear Abby: My fiancee insists on bringing her parents on our honeymoon
There is a hint to there being more to it than the advice seeker is willing to provide. The groom apparently had a struggle as a youth. The hint to that is the fact that his parents included the fact that he was bounced around in foster care early in life. The one factor that may be important in this particular case that must be considered is, did the future husband sustain serious abuse during his childhood. Including his history with foster care does hint to that being a possibility in this letter. If it was not a factor, why include that in the letter at all? The fact that his upbringing is included in the introduction to the question points to the fact that the writer knows that his upbringing may in fact lead to marital problems in the future.
If the groom suffered years of abuse as a kid, the parents of the bride may have a reason for concern. In my opinion, it would be wise to work all that out before the wedding, but the kids may be rushing to marry for some reason, and the parents know he is not ready. Going on the honeymoon will not adequately protect their daughter, but that may very well be the reason they want to come on the honeymoon. They may want to be there just in case this change in life is too much for the groom and triggers some sort of PTSD response from him.
There is a hint to there being more to it than the advice seeker is willing to provide. The groom apparently had a struggle as a youth. The hint to that is the fact that his parents included the fact that he was bounced around in foster care early in life. The one factor that may be important in this particular case that must be considered is, did the future husband sustain serious abuse during his childhood. Including his history with foster care does hint to that being a possibility in this letter. If it was not a factor, why include that in the letter at all? The fact that his upbringing is included in the introduction to the question points to the fact that the writer knows that his upbringing may in fact lead to marital problems in the future.
If the groom suffered years of abuse as a kid, the parents of the bride may have a reason for concern. In my opinion, it would be wise to work all that out before the wedding, but the kids may be rushing to marry for some reason, and the parents know he is not ready. Going on the honeymoon will not adequately protect their daughter, but that may very well be the reason they want to come on the honeymoon. They may want to be there just in case this change in life is too much for the groom and triggers some sort of PTSD response from him.