Divorce, Sin, Witnessing, Examination, Thoughts?

[JasonF]

Hello,

I want to get some thoughts from you please. I think that I got saved 18 years ago when I was 20 after thinking I had been a Christian for as long as I probably could think. I had asked Jesus into my heart and believed he existed, but when I was 20 is when I realized that as I was I could have no place with him and believe I first began to see what he really did for me/us.

I spent about half the time since then growing in the Bible and church activity, then about the last 10 years with almost no church or Bible reading.

I had gotten married and 6 months later she wanted a divorce, this was during my time not reading the Bible, she moved out, and I had thougth Biblically since she left me I was free from sin, however, she couldn't drive and didn't have money, so I thought that I should take care of the divorce for her and did all the paperwork and going to the court so that it said I am the one who divorced her. On top of this I later got married again.

"And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her." Mark 10:11 KJV


"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Matthew 5:32 KJV

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Matthew 19:9 KJV

I didn't realize I sinned by doing the paperwork or by getting remarried. So it seems I should not have gotten remarried, that that was a sin, but I do not think I should leave my current wife, I think that would be more sin, and I think it is okay to love her and treat her normally as a husband should a wife and all activities that would involve.



Also today we went strawberry picking with some unsaved friends, I prayed for boldness and took gospel tracts with me, I had intended to give it to staff and people we saw at the place to pick strawberries, I gave to no one due to the fear of man, fearing my wife getting mad at me for giving out tracts in front of her friends, and peoples thougths and what not.

I think that I am to still trust in Christ and not worry after having apologized to God and asking him to forgive me, but I do not feel like I am feeling feelings very much these days, but I feel like that does not matter, feelings are irrelevant, God is true and faithful, and I do not work for my salvation, it is of faith in Christ and his righteousness, so this does not mean I am not saved, and I just try to keep listening to the Spirit and to follow God.

We later stopped at a store and my wife went in, I thought about how I could put Gospel tracts on car windows, but I felt like it was okay not to and didn't do it. I think I am supposed to trust God to guide me, I do not want to misuse this verse but it came to mind:

"Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach the word in Asia," Acts 16:6 KJV

That listening to and walking in the Spirit is about following God's guidance and not pushing ahead if it doesn't seem like what to do, but how do I know how to listen to the Spirit, we stopped at a second store and I didn't do it there either, is that wrong?



Technically if I give out gospel tracts wether to someone's hand as I am walking along or on a car at a store or parking lot that is not public property, they have the legal right to tell me not to do it. But if they have not told me not to, and I haven't asked, is it wrong to give out tracts? People die and go to hell, am I supposed to hope they come by public property? I can't witness on private property? I don't think I should stand there at the entrance to a grocery store and hand them out, but I think I can offer them to people as I walk by them or something at least until they tell me to stop, as I think maybe it would be wrong to continue at that point, but not sure that it should prevent me, I mean there are tons of people and opportunities not on public property, how much do we follow the law vs God in this?

Please let me know your thoughts, am I right in understanding salvation and not works, though I should have given out tracts it doesn't mean I am lost as long as I keep trusting in Jesus?

The divorce and remarriage doesn't mean I am lost as long as I keep trusting in Jesus?

Right about loving my wife that it was sin to marry?

Right about listening to it being ok not to put tracts on the cars?

What about following the law on witnessing via private property?

Thank you.

 

[JonC]

As far as divorce goes, yes it is a sin. But it is not an unforgivable sin. Love the wife you have.

Concerning tracts, there is no reason not to hand them out. God used many means to save. Most end up in the trash, so I'm not really sure how effective they are compared to evangelism (which does not cost money or create an opportunity for others to litter). But I would not suggest handing out tracts in place of actually sharing the gospel.

 

[Piper]

I wonder if you already know the answers to these things, or are you really, genuinely wanting to know? It almost feels a little like you are posing these questions that are so simplistic, but have really serious twists. Like, your story of being divorced and remarried sounds straightforward. But then asking "The divorce and remarriage doesn't mean I am lost as long as I keep trusting in Jesus?"

Maybe these are all legitimate questions, and I am simply too pessimistic about people's motives on Christian forums.

With that said, these are life questions. They are hard. You need to study and know your Bible on these issues. it takes time and commitment. I'd suggest one at a time.

Does divorce and remarriage mean you are lost? Do you mean that you might have lost your salvation? No, you cannot if you genuinely believed in Christ and were born again.

Or do you mean, "does it mean I am and never have been a genuine believer?" No, sin does not make that true. But living in unconfessed sin long term (In my theologically informed world) seems to indicate a lack of genuine saving faith.

 

[JasonF]

I do want the answers to the questions. I have anxiety and stress issues. Thank you for answering despite your thoughts. I have thought the same in regards to living in unconfessed sin, which I assume means like in prayer to God, and not having to list necessarily every individual sin which I think is impossible, seems to indicate a lake of saving faith, but I did not realize until just recently, so years after divorce and remarriage, since it was years since I was back in my Bible. I think that I understood very little about saving faith, and am trying to figure out the best course of study. I think a lot of my anxiety may come from some form of trying to "work", and am trying to understand how to rightly frame it being all of God, all of Christ, all of grace, nothing of me, and what that means when I fail to give a gospel tract, or get divorced, or whatever, and how to rightly frame my mind in deciding the right thing to do so that I can grow properly in a faith way before God, not in a works perverted way if that makes sense.

 

[MrW]

As far as divorce goes, yes it is a sin. But it is not an unforgivable sin. Love the wife you have.

Concerning tracts, there is no reason not to hand them out. God used many means to save. Most end up in the trash, so I'm not really sure how effective they are compared to evangelism (which does not cost money or create an opportunity for others to litter). But I would not suggest handing out tracts in place of actually sharing the gospel.

Agreed—except tracts last longer. So witness AND hand out tracts—Chick tracts rarely hit the garbage.

Your first marriage failed—get over it—forget it—work on the only marriage you’re in so it doesn’t happen again.

Salvation is by trusting Christ, not by scoring points.

John 1:12-13, 3:3, 3:7, 3:14-21, Acts 2:21, 10:43, Romans 1:16, see Romans 10, Ephesians 2:8-10 for starters. Trust God.

 

[Mike Stidham]

Your first marriage failed—get over it—forget it—work on the only marriage you’re in so it doesn’t happen again.

Salvation is by trusting Christ, not by scoring points.

John 1:12-13, 3:3, 3:7, 3:14-21, Acts 2:21, 10:43, Romans 1:16, see Romans 10, Ephesians 2:8-10 for starters. Trust God.

And that's it. I too am divorced and remarried. I have to remind myself of this whenever the hardliners try to tell me I cannot be saved, I'm living in perpetual adultery, etc. It's the grace of Christ that saves us through faith, not one's ability to sustain a failing relationship.

 

[Piper]

I do want the answers to the questions. I have anxiety and stress issues. Thank you for answering despite your thoughts. I have thought the same in regards to living in unconfessed sin, which I assume means like in prayer to God, and not having to list necessarily every individual sin which I think is impossible, seems to indicate a lake of saving faith, but I did not realize until just recently, so years after divorce and remarriage, since it was years since I was back in my Bible. I think that I understood very little about saving faith, and am trying to figure out the best course of study. I think a lot of my anxiety may come from some form of trying to "work", and am trying to understand how to rightly frame it being all of God, all of Christ, all of grace, nothing of me, and what that means when I fail to give a gospel tract, or get divorced, or whatever, and how to rightly frame my mind in deciding the right thing to do so that I can grow properly in a faith way before God, not in a works perverted way if that makes sense.

With regard to your question of it all being of God or of grace,
Read 1 Corinthians 15:10.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

This describes Paul as working hard, in all that he does, then afterward realizing that it was not him that did it but the grace of God. It is hard to understand, but true. Do your best from what you know of the Bible, ask God for help, and trust him to give you grace, then thank him for any successes.

 

[JasonF]

I have to remind myself of this whenever the hardliners try to tell me I cannot be saved, I'm living in perpetual adultery, etc.

What is it they expect you to do? Get another divorce? Which seems wrong if course and it's not our wives fault we were married before. But made me wonder if i shouldn't have sex and such.

 

[Alan Gross]

What is it they expect you to do? Get another divorce? Which seems wrong if course and it's not our wives fault we were married before. But made me wonder if i shouldn't have sex and such.

Regardless of whatever else Deuteronomy 24 says, it says that the woman that had previously been a man's wife can not go back and be his wife (after she had been remarried and divorced, again.

What is the 'math' on that?

If she can't be his wife, then she is not his wife.

There was a dissolution of their marriage, in the divorce that rendered her to not be the first man's wife.

What was the reason for her divorces (a word that is in the Bible btw)?

Uncleanness was the first and hatred the second divorce.

Did those things refer to what Jesus gave as the reason for an exception to marriage and loosing a married partner as fornication?

I'll let the reader judge, especially considering the case of Joseph and Mary, where he found her with child and was counseled to ether have her stoned and make her a public example or to put her away privately (by a divorce).

There is sexual indiscretion as the reason the Bible gives for him to give her a bill of divorcement.

Sure, Jesus says that from the beginning it was not so, to strongly reenforce the importance of His Divine Ordinance of marriage.

But, HE said, except for the cause of fornication. Fornication covers a wide range of sexual immorality.

What about, "a woman is bound to the law..."? Well, see that word. "law"?
What is the "law"? That men and women are still married after they divorce?

No, that's not what the actual law Jesus gave says and HE is the Lawgiver.

What was His "law", then? How about, "except for fornication'?

Doesn't the wife commit adultery if they are divorced and she has sexual relations with another person? Yes, if they were divorced without an exception stated by Jesus (and Moses), then now she does commit the sexual sin of adultery.

What do you think Paul was talking about (because he needed to address it clearly, in addition to what the Lord had said? He said you are called to peace.

Pease, with regard to what? If the unbelieving depart.

O.K., what is that individual most likely to wind up doing in their lifetime?
Finding another sexual partner and commit the exception the Lord and Moses both stated?

So, we have Moses, Jesus, and Paul saying that "she can not be" the first man's wife, meaning she is NOT his wife and "except for " a wide range of sexual sin, and that we are called to "peace".

Somewhere in there is Not that Divorce is UNFORGIVABLE!

In there is that Divorce is the possible consequences of one partner being unfaithful to the other and thereby potentially losing their life partner.

Serious enough without saying "there is no Jesus, or Savior, for anyone who's marriage hits the rocks of infidelity.

After all, Jesus forgave the woman taken in adultery.

If there has been adultery, is it forgivable? Yes.

Are people that are divorced still married? No.

In the situation you or others are in an impossible trap? Peace.

We're called to have everything be O.K., in the loving arms of Jesus.

Are we 'encouraged' to skip around from one marriage to another. Nope. No way.

But the Holy Spirit is telling us there is life beyond undefendable religious reasoning and dogmatic legalism.

When was the last time you heard someone say "you are bound to the law, but wait, let's check back and see what THE LAWGIVER actually said about it.

He said, "except".

Moses said the former wife is no longer the man's wife.

And Paul calls us to peace.

All three give explicit indication that sexual indiscretion and immorality are a key component. And that even they are forgivable.

Please, forgive Christians for teaching such stauch Legalism or trying to not be outdone by Catholics or whatever they are doing.

Let me ask you this; do you see the words, "till death do you part' in the Word of God?

No, but yeah but, "I pronounced you man and wife, until death you do part" and IF I SAID IT, YOU'RE A PERPETUAL ADULTERER IF THIS THING HAPPENS TO NOT WORK OUT."

ANNNND, AS A PREACHER, I MUST TELL YOU THAT ( not only is the word 'divorce not in the Bible(?) YOU DO NOT HAVE A FORGIVING SAVIOR, NAMED JESUS."

Come on, children of God.

These issues in CAPS, above, are insurmountable compared to my plain 'ol teaching from the Bible. IMHO.

So, could so many men of God, etc., be wrong?

They were wrong about Dispensationalism, to name one.

Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but. Yeah, well God had a divorce of His own, didn't He?

Yes. It has to be hashed out with the Book.

Starting with Deuteronomy 24:

1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

1.) With a bill of divorcement, she could be another man's wife.

3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

2.) even if the husband dies (?)

4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

3.) She IS NOT HIS WIFE, if she can't go back to be his wife.