Do you believe a Christian can remarry after divorce?

[canadyjd]

One thing I've learned about Christians is that they can forgive most anything except divorce......Divorce is the "unforgivable sin" to many Christians.

Jon-Marc, you are right and it is sad. Let me encourage you to continue your ministry as Holy Spirit leads.

peace to youraying:

 

[Thinkingstuff]

I had a friend ask me to perform a marriage ceremony. He was twice divorced and the woman he was marrying had been divorced.

I told him I couldn't marry them.

He has not spoken to me since.

Now a question to everyone. Pastors often say, "by the power invested in me by Almighty God, I now pronouce you....."

Exactly where in scripture does God give a pastor the authority to marry anyone? Isn't this a tradition of the Catholic Church kept by protestants?

peace to youraying:

Good question.

 

[annsni]

My husband married a divorced couple. He was divorced many years before - his wife was unfaithful and left him. He stayed unmarried for many years. He was saved after the divorce. His wife is remarried and there's no chance of them ever getting back together again.

The wife was married to a man who claimed to be a Christian. They were from Brazil and he wanted to come to the US to be a minister. They moved here, he put her in an apartment and left. She didn't hear from him for 2 years. When he called her, he was back in Brazil and wanted $5000 to buy a church. When she asked him if she can come down, he said "No". She told him she would not send him money and she never heard from him again until she got the divorce papers.

Both are now in their late 50s, early 60s. They asked DH to perform their marriage and after counseling both of them, we felt it was a legitimate marriage. She was abandoned by a man who claimed to be a Christian but did not show any evidence of that. He had a spouse who committed adultery, divorced him and remarried.


That said, I do think that divorce has become the unforgivable sin in so many circles. What's funny is that I heard one person who had her husband leave her, and she remarried years later, be told that she needs to leave her current husband with whom she was happily married and had 5 children with and go back to her now remarried husband and be together again. That makes NO sense at all.

I DO think in churches we need to do way more teaching on marriage and divorce and help couples through rough times where the world says "You're not fulfilled? Divorce." and help these marriages stay together. I think it's hard teaching but needs to be done and make it that the desire would be to please God and not ourselves. Everyone is taught and encouraged to be selfish - and it's just not what God calls us to do.

So here's a question - two couples divorce and remarry. They were not strong believers before but now they're getting stronger. The husband from one and the wife from the other marriage now fall in love and get married - knowing that they really could not remarry the person who they were with before. They now come to your church as a formerly divorced and now remarried couple. Are they still committing adultery - when they are faithfully married to each other, have recommitted their lives to the Lord and are no longer living for themselves but for Him? As I said, I've heard someone be counseled (not from our church) to divorce the current spouse and remarry the first one. But then again, isn't there teaching that if a man divorces his wife and she remarries and gets divorced that he's not to take her back again? THEN what?

 

[Zenas]

The problem as I see it is not that divorce/remarriage is the unforgiveable sin, but that people who divorce and remarry are continuing to live in sin. Just like two unmarried people who are living together. A marriage is "until death do us part" and, except for the narrowly drawn exceptions in the N.T., the couple is not permitted to divorce. They can get a divorce from the appropriate civil court but they are still married in the eyes of God. Therefore, a remarriage creates a continuing adulterous relationship. And therein lies the problem.

 

[swaimj]

As I understand the scriptures, there are two legitimate grounds for divorce: adultery and dissertion. If a person if divorced for one of these two legitimate reasons, Paul says they are "not under bondage". If they are not under bondage, I think that remarriage is acceptable.

 

[thegospelgeek]

As I understand the scriptures, there are two legitimate grounds for divorce: adultery and dissertion. If a person if divorced for one of these two legitimate reasons, Paul says they are "not under bondage". If they are not under bondage, I think that remarriage is acceptable.

I agree that the case of dissertion one is not under bondage. I do question about the case of adultery. In Mattew it sounds as if Adultery may be an exception for remarrying, but Mark and Luke sounds like not. That's why I give folks the Chapters and let them decide.

Like I said earlier, most people do what they want regardless.

As for people who have repented since a divorce and remarriage, I see no reason to condem them, they are a new creation in Christ. But I am in the minority.

 

[North Carolina Tentmaker]

Well we have talked about this before and I am sure I will offend everyone with my opinion, but hey, that has never stopped me before. Basically I agree with you gospelgeek

First off I want to say that I would marry divorced people. I will not say in every case because there could be cases where I would not but I do not see a Biblical mandate for divorced people to remain celibate for the rest of their lives. Following I Cor 7:15 if they are free that means they are free, free to remarry. The only time I have refused to marry a couple was when they were living together. Rather than discuss that here I will start another thread for that one.

Now secondly I want to say that divorce is always wrong. I believe that people who claim that there are “biblical grounds” for divorce in the case of adultery are reading something into scripture that it does not say.

I know Jesus said that if you divorce someone for any cause other than adultery you cause them to commit adultery. That’s because in that case they all ready committed adultery, you did not make them do it. Jesus also said that from the beginning there was no divorce. Matt 19:6 makes this clear. That was why his disciples asked about why Moses allowed divorce. And the answer was because of the “hardness of their hearts” in other words, because of sin. The Bible does not give you free license to divorce your spouse just because they cheat on you.

Marriage is supposed to be a picture of our eternal relationship with God, a picture of the relationship between God and Israel, between Jesus and the church, between Christ and us. Israel cheated on God many times but I have read the end of the book and guess what, there is coming a day when they will reconcile!

Divorce is always wrong and always involves some sin. There are no innocent parties in any divorce. I love you and hate what happened to you. It sure sounds like those women did you bad, but you know what, you picked them out and you married them. If you did nothing else wrong you at the minimum displayed poor judgment in your choice of a spouse. I am not saying this to pile on you brother, just to say no one is an innocent victim.

Every divorce involves sin of some kind at some point. But that does not mean that divorce is not your best solution for a bad situation. Those of you that think adultery is grounds for divorce, what about physical abuse, don’t you think that should be grounds? What about danger to your children? There are cases where divorce is the lesser of two evils and is the best option. I actually know of a case where an abused wife was sent back to her husband by a preacher.

Divorce always involves sin, but forgiveness is available and I serve the God of 2nd and 3rd chances. You can repent, you can be forgiven, and you can try not to mess up again.

 

[mparkerfd20]

Here is the absolute best article I think I've ever read on the subject of biblical divorce and remarrying.

It's kind of lengthy, but WELL worth the read.

http://www.biblebelievers.com/Vespie1.html

 

[Alive in Christ]

Dr Bob said...

(regarding the erroneous idea that The scriptures forbid remmarige after a divorce)

"One of the most hurtful and prejudicial additions to God's Word is the man-made thinking you describe. Very sad.

The motive for saying NO remarriage is often good - they want to help preserve/protect the sanctity of the marriage vows.

But adding/twisting God's Word to try to make a universal prohibition against divorce and remarriage is not the answer.

Will let others chime in, but there are very clear Scripture-based principles about a biblical divorce and then clear Scripture-based principles on remarrying following a biblical divorce."

I agree 100%


:godisgood:

 

[Marcia]

Well, interesting and some opposing views here.

What about someone who marries and divorces before being saved, and is then saved later after the divorce? The former spouse, still not a believer, has remarried and has children.

Can the saved person now remarry?

 

[swaimj]

Let a person remain in the state they are in when they come to Christ. If they get saved and divorce is in their past and the past mate is re-married, I believe they would have the liberty to marry a saved person.

Scripture does not give us a scenario exactly like this, so we do have to do come deciphering; trying to be consistent with our own position.

 

[mparkerfd20]

Well, interesting and some opposing views here.

What about someone who marries and divorces before being saved, and is then saved later after the divorce? The former spouse, still not a believer, has remarried and has children.

Can the saved person now remarry?

I still think biblically it would depend on the conditions of the previous marriage and divorce. Was it because of adultery of the former spouse? If not, then no I don't think they could remarry without sinning.

I agree with Bob to some extent that divorce is looked on by most in the church differently than any other sin, but I don't know why. Sin is sin and disobedience to God's word and commands. Jesus paid the price for ALL sin, including the sin of an unbiblical divorce and remarriage.

 

[Thinkingstuff]

why does the divorse rate in the Church equal the nation's. Jesus said to believe in him who the father sent is the Father's will. But if we're allowing people to divorse at the nation's rate are we really doing the father's will and believing in Jesus? Can we trully call ourselves born again if there is no really change with our behavior? And then the verse pops into my head about false teachers while I think about pastors ok with divorse and marrying divorsed people and being divorsed themselves. Isn't there a real problem with the Christian Churches with regard to this issue?

 

[annsni]

why does the divorse rate in the Church equal the nation's. Jesus said to believe in him who the father sent is the Father's will. But if we're allowing people to divorse at the nation's rate are we really doing the father's will and believing in Jesus? Can we trully call ourselves born again if there is no really change with our behavior? And then the verse pops into my head about false teachers while I think about pastors ok with divorse and marrying divorsed people and being divorsed themselves. Isn't there a real problem with the Christian Churches with regard to this issue?

I do think that divorce is a problem but I think we also need to understand something else. Remember that the world lives together a lot so their divorce rate is actually higher - except that many just don't marry. Hopefully in the Christian world, they're more apt to marry. However, I do think that true Christians tend to marry a bit more quickly than the world - especially if they're keeping themselves pure. There's a big temptation there and it's easier to marry than burn with lust. So I don't think all things are equal.

 

[swaimj]

I often hear that the divorce rate in the church is as high as in the nation. I have never been a member of a church that had a divorce rate that high. Just my own experience.

 

[Marcia]

I often hear that the divorce rate in the church is as high as in the nation. I have never been a member of a church that had a divorce rate that high. Just my own experience.

This article discusses the results of a Barna survey and as well as the controversy and disputes over the results from many sources.

The Barna Research Group's national study showed that members of nondenominational churches divorce 34 percent of the time in contrast to 25 percent for the general population. Nondenominational churches would include large numbers of Bible churches and other conservative evangelicals. Baptists had the highest rate of the major denominations: 29 percent. Born-again Christians' rate was 27 percent. To make matters even more distressing for believers, atheists/agnostics had the lowest rate of divorce 21 percent.


....In the six months since the Barna study was released, it has also drawn attacks from academic scholars who suggested that his study might measure differences in economic status, educational level and age of marriage rather than religious conviction. People who marry late, earn high incomes and are well-educated have lower divorce rates, studies show. But Mr. Barna said that according to his numbers, divorce rates do not seem related to educational achievement or income. His study did not look at age of marriage. What about geographic region, his critics ask? Since nondenominational Protestant and Baptist churches are often located in the South, maybe Barna was merely reporting Southern divorce rates. A recent state-by-state analysis of divorce rates by The Associated Press showed that some Bible Belt states had far more breakups than other states.

http://www.adherents.com/largecom/baptist_divorce.html

 

[Marcia]

I still think biblically it would depend on the conditions of the previous marriage and divorce. Was it because of adultery of the former spouse?

Yes.

Btw,

 

[Marcia]

I still think biblically it would depend on the conditions of the previous marriage and divorce. Was it because of adultery of the former spouse?

Yes.

Btw, I know I posted some stats on divorce but the thread is more about remarriage.

 

[MorganT]

I think the reason why divorce is tolerated in our Churchs today is because our Churchs are run like businesses and those people tithe also. The bible is clear about divorce and yet we congratulate people on there second marriage even though we know that they are committeing adultry. Now dont get me wrong on this Im not speaking of everybody but the ones we know are commiting adultry we should not praise them for doing so. No I dont think that divorce is the unpardonable sin however when we repent of that sin, what does that word REPENT mean. Does it simple mean to ask for forgiveness or are we to take action and do something.

 

[Baptist Believer]

It wasn't too many years ago that there were real consequences for getting a divorce. ... Today these consequences do not exist, so anyone who is unhappy with his or her marriage goes down to the courthouse and gets a divorce.

Do you really believe that?

Divorce is such a painful and traumatic thing, I doubt there are many, especially Christians, who are that casual about divorce. Furthermore, there are enormous consequences for those who are divorced, especially in church life. How would you feel if you suffered for a couple of years with an unfaithful spouse until she finally deserted you and you were forced to file for divorce to protect yourself (and others) financially, and then have self-righteous Christian brothers and sisters characterize you as someone “who is unhappy with his or her marriage goes down to the courthouse and gets a divorce?” Worse yet, it's not uncommon to have people assume (and even accuse you to your face) that you are looking to marry someone else and must have a girlfriend or two on the side.

In the best of cases, you generally lose at least half of your friends and are alienated from many people at church. Then there’s the emotional turmoil from the two of you being one flesh and then torn apart.

I could say a lot more, but I think I’ve made the point.

On the civil side, nearly all states have adopted some form of no-fault divorce. All you have to do to get a divorce is go into court and state under oath that you have lived apart (meaning no sexual activity) for a certain period of time (6 months in my state) and that the marriage is irretrievably broken. It doesn't matter what the other spouse wants. If one spouse says the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court will so find and grant the divorce. The marital property is then divided without regard to any marital misconduct.

Yep. And that means that many times people who are divorced had no say in it, yet people condemn them for a decision they did not make and could not prevent.

Thats the unbeliever who gets the divorce, not the believer.

Believers sometimes have to get divorces too. That’s a reality you need to take into consideration.

Scripture says if you divorce and remarry another it is adultry. And yes, christians do it all the time, never considering what scripture says, or possibly some don't care what it says.

That’s assuming some very negative things about other Christians. Why in the world would you assume that other Christians don’t consider or care what scripture says? Most I’ve known care very much. They have to deal with these issues more carefully than those who have not faced divorce.

If people obeyed scripture in the first place they wouldn't even consider divorce, or rather, wouldn't even need or want to consider divorce.

Sometimes one’s spouse does not obey scripture and makes a mockery of marriage. Divorce is almost always the last resort. Why would you condemn those take legal protection for a marriage that has already ended? A pastor friend of mine characterized it this way, “Filing for a divorce is simply telling the government that the marriage has already ended.”