As I scanned this thread I had no intention on commenting simply because I did not want to get into a debate on divorce and remarriage (for the record, I have never been divorced and I am approaching my third decade of marriage to my lovely bride) because of the passion the topic generates. When I read this sentence of yours I decided it has to be addressed.
First, no matter what the reason, divorce is a tragedy. It destroys individuals and families. Women and children are disproportionally affected by divorce. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, "The poverty rate for female-headed families with children was 36.5 percent, compared to 22.1 percent for male-headed families with children and 7.5 percent of families with children headed by married couples." Divorce contributes to juvenile delinquency. A report by the Heritage Foundation found, "a 10 percent increase in the percentage of children living in single-parent homes leads typically to a 17 percent increase in juvenile crime." Most importantly, divorce gives the enemies of our Lord cause to blaspheme. I state all this to make the point clear that I believe divorce is a serious sin and comes with serious consequences for all involved. That said, it is not an unforgivable sin. The only unforgivable sin is unbelief. Even the unpardonable sin of Matthew 12:31-32 cannot be replicated today.
Now, I want to be generous. Perhaps I misunderstand what you mean by your statement of there being no forgiveness unless the initiator forgives. Maybe you are referring to the natural consequences of the sin of divorce. My parents divorced when I was a young boy. My father never confessed nor asked for the forgiveness of my mother for his actions which lead to the divorce. Both of my parents eventually were remarried, so restoration of the marriage was impossible. Still, had my father confessed and asked for my mother's forgiveness at least they could have been at peace with each other and a valuable lesson taught to my sister and me. Does this place one or both of my parents outside of Christ? No. Could it be an indicator of greater spiritual problems that may indicate neither are Christians? Possibly, but not necessarily. The same could be said of any sin. It bears mentioning that positionally speaking, Christians are no longer sinners; we are "saints by calling" (1 Corinthians 1:2); we are "in the light" and "the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7). This does not mean God promises to keep us from the penalty of sin in this life. If we rob a bank we should expect to spend some time in Club Fed. But to assign divorce a special place among sins is not supported by scripture.
