Does Jesus Allow for Divorce in the case of Adultery?

[seekingthetruth]

I know these are personal issues, and from the sound of it, your wife left you, which is completely different from what I was describing. I was thinking of situations I know of in which a spouse is known to have cheated, but wants to make amends, and the other spouse refuses and claims his biblical right to divorce.

As I said, I have no biblical grounds from this passage to tell him he is wrong, but other passages regarding forgiveness seem to point to a different path.

I think Paul's teachings about abandonment (1 Cor. 7) would apply in this situation.

Ok, but even so

The Bible might excuse it, but church members dont

John

 

[gb93433]

After I caught my ex-wife (in the act) cheating on me, I tried to work it out with her for well over a year - living in the same home and treating her with grace and love.

I have a friend who was a divorce lawyer until he realized that 99% of the marriages could work if both people were willing. (That was while he was a non-believer. The problem he saw was that they were not willing. That is the same thing you wrote about your case. I have seen that same scenario over and over.

A few years ago I saw a case where the lady had left and she would not go to counseling or divorce her husband. After about 15 years had elapsed he filed for divorce and got all kind of poor treatment from the church but she did not. I have seen so many pastors in recent years who will not step in with the leadership of the church and address the issue with the couple giving the reason that it won't so any good. If it won't do any good then what good are leaders.

 

[gb93433]

The Bible might excuse it, but church members dont

Ever watch chickens when one starts to bleed?

 

[gb93433]

Moses was a murderer. Paul was a murderer. Peter cut off a man's ear. I guess they could be leaders because they were not divorced.

 

[seekingthetruth]

Ever watch chickens when one starts to bleed?

Yeah, they all attack and eat the bleeding bird.

Nothing left but the bones

Just like church members

John

 

[seekingthetruth]

Moses was a murderer. Paul was a murderer. Peter cut off a man's ear. I guess they could be leaders because they were not divorced.

Good point, and who today would let them in their church?

John

 

[Baptist Believer]

I know these are personal issues, and from the sound of it, your wife left you, which is completely different from what I was describing. I was thinking of situations I know of in which a spouse is known to have cheated, but wants to make amends, and the other spouse refuses and claims his biblical right to divorce.

As I said, I have no biblical grounds from this passage to tell him he is wrong, but other passages regarding forgiveness seem to point to a different path.

I think Paul's teachings about abandonment (1 Cor. 7) would apply in this situation.

I agree, and I want to stress that I understand that you did not intend to make a blanket statement and that your heart was not to condemn. However, I wanted to put a bit of my story into this conversation to remind everyone that these situations are often very messy and difficult, and that there truly is an "innocent" party to divorce, to the degree that a person has consistently treated his/her spouse with grace, compassion, deference, love, etc., and provided security for them in the relationship. And folks in the middle of these types of situations know that they can't tell other people what they are enduring if they ever hope to rescue their marriage because it will betray the confidentiality of the relationship and make it very difficult to extend grace if things can actually be resolved. For instance, I couldn't tell anyone in my family was went on until after the divorce was finalized because if I had they would have not been able to forgive my ex-wife and it would have made it very difficult for us to have a good marriage. I also needed to avoid talking to friends about it because it would undermine the confidentiality of the relationship and possibly poison our dealings with others, putting an enormous strain on the marriage.

However, most people who have never been in that situation haven't had to think through those issues (praise God!) and all they know is that a marriage "suddenly" comes apart and they assume that it was done hastily since they didn't have advance notice of trouble. Therefore, no matter what the circumstances, both the husband and wife get condemned for simply giving up and people piously conclude that "there are no innocent parties in divorce." I've personally and specifically been offered that chestnut of wisdom/condemnation from all sorts of people, from Southwestern Seminary President Ken Hemphill to a nervy teenaged-boy 'prophet' who wanted me to repent of my sin right there in the hallway at church.

And what really got under my skin was a seminary student co-worker who confessed to me that he was currently cheating on his wife with another woman, but that I should follow his example and not divorce my wife. (He, of course, assumed that I was cheating on my spouse too.) He couldn't understand why I was appalled at his behavior since "the Bible clearly teaches that David committed adultery, but he was still a 'man after God's own heart,' but the scripture clearly teaches that there's not excuse for divorce." The irony of it was that he consistently condemned me for "not believing the Bible" (in the manner of the Conservative Resurgence) and for not being a Five-Point Calvinist -- let me note here that I don't consider this person a good representative of the Conservative Resurgence movement, a Five-Point Calvinist, or a Christian, and he is no longer in vocational ministry since his wife ended up divorcing him for infidelity and physical abuse -- the guy was a sociopath. Of course that didn't stop him from leading the charge of condemnation against me for violating the ban on divorce. Unfortunately, that guy is not a law enforcement officer...

 

[gb93433]

Good point, and who today would let them in their church?

I think it would take a mature loving group of people. Years ago I had a student in class who had murdered someone. I tried to treat him as anyone else and I would like to think I was successful. I had no clue until someone told me. After I was told it was a challenge. I think we would be amazed if we knew more about people.

 

[DaChaser1]

I would think that your answer to that question would depend on the first one. I don't see biblically how you could say, "The bible allows for divorce here, but not remarraige". If the person cannot remarry, then they should not have gotten divorced in the first place.

No, was asking IF the bible permitted someone who had biblical divorce means to remarry, or if to stay single rest of life!

Also, think that the bible still wants rconcilliation EVEN if the person had done grounds for divorce, as God still in the restoration business!

 

[Baptist Believer]

No, was asking IF the bible permitted someone who had biblical divorce means to remarry, or if to stay single rest of life!

When I divorced my wife, I wasn't sure if remarriage was permitted or not. At that point, I didn't really care because getting married again was the last thing on my mind.

I worked through the issue over the next few years, just enjoying being single and not dating, even though I had plenty of opportunities.

Also, think that the bible still wants rconcilliation EVEN if the person had done grounds for divorce, as God still in the restoration business!

I agree. If there can be reconciliation, then we should pursue it. However it is often not possible since the other person may continue to reject it -- which is essential why the marriage ended in the first place.

 

[DaChaser1]

When I divorced my wife, I wasn't sure if remarriage was permitted or not. At that point, I didn't really care because getting married again was the last thing on my mind.

I worked through the issue over the next few years, just enjoying being single and not dating, even though I had plenty of opportunities.


I agree. If there can be reconciliation, then we should pursue it. However it is often not possible since the other person may continue to reject it -- which is essential why the marriage ended in the first place.

My take on this is reconcile and be restored before a divorce IF at all possible, if not, after divorce, be seperate and single until either other party remarries/dies/ or decides to remarry you again!

Thats assuming both christians, IF other was not one, than free to remarry, but only in lord!